Page 86 of Craving You
“It’s over,” I repeat back softly.Losing Tris and learning that my entire life was a lie should have collapsed my world, but these men are permanent structures in my life.Together, we carry the weight of the world, making each day easier than the last.We find strength in each other and peace when we need it the most.“Remy, thank you for helping me through this.Clay, you helped me find an escape from my mind, and I will always cherish that.”
“We love you, Little Fawn,” Remy says before softly kissing me.
I look to my brother with hopeful eyes and say, “Craving you shouldn’t feel this good, but it does… Thank you for helping me find myself.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart.Thank you for loving me,” he says as he hugs me tightly.“Craving you saved us from ourselves.”
Epilogue
Lorelei
Six Months Later
It’shardtobelievethat it’s been six months since I lost my best friend and killed my parents.A lot has changed, but all for the better.
Sam has taken over as COO at the location in New York City.We merged with Holden Technology and rebranded everything with Saltz-Holden Technologies.By publicly denouncing the Belmont name, it saved us a fuck ton of backlash.We spent weeks flying back and forth to settle everything, but we got it worked out.
With Mom and Dad dying, it meant that Cameron and I inherited everything of theirs.We decided to liquidate everything, take the life insurance money, and put it all into a nonprofit.We named it the Beatris Cooper Foundation.We help survivors of sexual assault, human trafficking, domestic violence, and violent crimes with whatever they need.We also offer the families of victims that did not survive help by paying for funeral costs, and whatever they may need.Sometimes the victims have children or a spouse that depended on them and their income, so helping financially takes a burden off them so they can grieve.Three months ago, this foundation went live and we have since raised close to ten million dollars.
I wish Tris was here to see all the good that has come of her death.She was a very humble woman, but even this would make her feel special.She went through something horrific that ultimately led to my survival.I am not a religious person, but I thank God for her every day, but I pray I get to see her again someday.
We spread some of Tris’ ashes in New York, a little bit was thrown into the Pacific Ocean, and then I made five necklaces.One for me, Cameron, Remington, Clay, and our unborn daughter.Three months ago, on the morning of the foundation launch, I found out I was eight weeks pregnant.I am now five months pregnant with a little girl and I simply couldn’t be happier.Obviously, we know that Cameron isn’t the father, but he will be considered a dad just as much as Remington or Clay.We don’t talk about being biological siblings, and no one asks.Sam is aware of the situation, but I don’t think anyone is willing to ask any questions.We know that Remington is the biological father of our baby, because we paid attention to ovulation windows.This will be confirmed at birth for the sake of genetics, but I am legally married to Remington, so I could take his last name.
Clay’s mother had the idea for her to do an adult adoption and legally make Remington and Cameron her sons.This meant that Cameron could change his last name to Holden.It doesn’t change genetics, but it makes it appear that he is my brother-in-law, not my actual brother.In all honestly, I don’t care.I know it is illegal, but I’ll take the risk.Cameron, Remington, and Clay are the loves of my life.If I have to hide my relationship with Cameron to keep us all together, I’ll do it.If anyone finds out, oh well.We have enough saved and are confident it will not ruin what we’ve built.
Tris’ urn with the remaining ashes sits in a case in the front lobby of the foundation.With it is her picture and a photo we took of her, me, Cameron, and Remington, a few months before she died.We have a table set up with a notepad and a lockbox.The sign simply says, “Letters to Tris.”This is meant for people to be able to vent, complain, give good news, or say whatever they want to say to Tris.No one reads them, and I burn them all every few days.We have a version online, only it is sent to an email that automatically deletes it.I have the password for the email, but just like with the written letters, I don’t read them.I write a letter to Tris every week and burn it with the others.Cameron does as well, and I think it’s helping him heal.Tris was the kind of person that you could tell anything to, and she would never judge you.She might make a joke to make you smile, but she would always be open and accept you for who you are.I think finding a way for us to still talk to her in a way has allowed us to process things in a way we can’t with anyone else.
I miss her so goddamn much that it hurts.I don’t think it will ever stop hurting, but I am learning to live with the pain so that it doesn’t suffocate me.As a way to honor her in a way that I know she would absolutely adore, we have decided to name our daughter Beatris Ann Saltz-Holden.
