Page 62 of Craving You
“Lorelei, scalding yourself like that intentionally as a result of stress is self-harm,” he says.“You are intentionally harming yourself as a way of releasing an emotion.”
“Oh… I’m sorry,” I say quietly.
“Don’t apologize for trying to cope, Lorelei,” Remy says as he and Cam start washing my body.“What else helps?”
“Getting fucked,” I say bluntly, and Cam laughs heartily.I can’t help but smile.“It’s true.I can’t think about all the shitty parts of my life if I am too busy coming.Although… This is only a recent development that I am learning that it helps.”
“Anything specific?”Remy asks.
“I like pain… I think,” I say, opening my eyes.
“Got it,” he says.“I hope you know that I am not judging either of you, Lorelei.”
“I should have talked to you before…”
“You have done nothing wrong,” Remy interrupts.“Let’s go eat dinner, and then we can watch a movie.Okay?”
“Okay,” I sigh.
“What?”
“I just… I need… I don’t know what is going on or where things are headed, but it needs to be a slow journey,” I say.“Please.”
“Okay,” Remy smiles.“Still doing filthy things to you in your sleep, though.”
“Deal.I can’t object if I’m asleep.”
“That’s the spirit!”Remy laughs.
Idecidedtodosomething that I admittedly might regret.I was with Remy when he made my tea, but when he left the kitchen for a moment, I poured a lot of it out and replaced it with tea without the sedative.This way, I can stay awake.I have been laying here keeping my breathing as slow and even as I can with my eyes closed, and I think I have them fooled.
I want to know what they do when I sleep.I am extremely tired, so I can comfortably sit here without wanting to crawl out of my skin from boredom.
“She asleep?”Cam asks.
“I can’t tell,” Remy says.“I’ve been watching her.”He has spent years watching me, I might not actually get away with this.He isn’t the one I want to do this for, though, and I think he will understand that.“We can give her a little longer.Do you mind locking up?”
“I can do that,” Cam says.He gets off the bed and walks out of the room.A few seconds pass and I jump when he calls me out.
“Brat.Why are you lying?”he says, poking me in the side.I open my eyes, and he chuckles.“You look tired.”
“I poured most of it out,” I say.
“I know.I saw.Why?”he asks.
“I know you aren’t the only one playing with me at night,” I say.“I want to know, but I don’t want the pressure of having to respond to it.”
“Okay,” he says.“Stay as relaxed as you possibly can.Let your body react naturally, including noises.I’ll put you on your belly so it will be easier to fool him.”
“Thank you,” I say as he rolls me over and undresses me.
“Think you can handle knowing?”he asks, kissing my shoulder blade.
“I need to know I’m not the only crazy one,” I say quietly.
“Oh, honey,” he laughs.“You are the sanest one in this house… No talking.”
I bury my face in my arm and focus on my breathing.I force myself to meditate, almost.“Andrea is asleep, but Ross is awake.They’ll switch off in a few hours,” Cam says.“She good?”
