Page 11 of Rejected
He held her gaze. “Because if I kiss you now, I will never stop.”
Her lungs constricted. She tried to draw a deep, calming breath, and it caught in her throat.
You are ruining everything, she thought at him.
You are ruining everything.
…
They were silent for a few minutes.
The night shrouded them in darkness, but Jo was sure that her cheeks were glowing pink. Laurie got to his feet and paced down the garden path, his shoes silent on the stones. The only sound that reached her were his anguished breaths; he was panting as if he had just ran the length of Hyde Park at full speed.
Jo’s heart was beating like a drum.I need my friend, she thought frantically.I need to tell this to my best friend.Except he wasn’t here. This tall, tortured, sculptedmanhad taken his place, looming over the flowers and lanterns in the distance, all black curls and brooding eyes, and nothing would ever be the same again.
“First of all, you are barely older than me,” Jo said.
“You would always be wiser than I, no matter our age,” Laurie replied, lifting a hand dismissively. But he took a step closer, and immediately she felt calmer.
“You could be my brother.”
“I amnot!” he screamed it this time.
I know, she thought.Trust me, I know. Tonight has made this amply obvious.
“You…” she did not know how to continue.
He came closer still. Had he always had such broad shoulders, such a tapered waist? Had his hips always moved so sinuously, so…?Wait, what am I thinking? Stop it, brain. Stop thinking, stop… stoplooking!
“What, Jo?” Laurie asked, dropping on his haunches in front of her.
His shoe brushed the shimmering silk of her petticoat, and she shivered. Somehow, this felt more intimate than holding her hand. She had held his hand countless times, when she wanted to quickly get on her horse, get over a fence, or wrestle him for some idiotic reason. But she had never worn a white dress with delicate flowers, as she did now, or had curls in her hair, or sat in a garden with him while fireflies danced in the velvet dark. She had never heard him tell her he loved her.
And she had never had to break his heart.
Until now.
“What other reason do you have to reject me?” Laurie asked.
“I never intend to marry,” she said flippantly—but it was not a lie. She had often talked of this with Amy, and even occasionally with her brother. They had no need to marry for money, and they all valued their independence far too much.
What they had never discussed out loud was their absolute terror of marriage, seeing what it had done to their parents: effectively killed them.
It was grief that had destroyed them in the end, but what else was grief than love destroyed? It seemed that every good thing had within it the possibility of loss. And Jo was determined to stay away from love.
Her siblings would never speak the ugly truth, not between them, not out loud, but each knew the others were thinking it: they had seen it happen before their eyes. Love was cruel—love could kill.
Meg had been brave enough to take the step with her Sir John, but Jo was not sure she would ever love anyone enough to risk marriage.
But Laurie… Laurie she loved already. More than she loved anyone in the world.
“I don’t want to get married,” she repeated.
“What if you fell in love?” Laurie asked.
With me,he meant. Jo went cold all over.
“Is that your reason?” he pressed. “That you do not want to get married?” She pressed her lips shut. “Even if it is to someone who worships you? Even if it’s to me?” She looked away. “But Meg just—”
