Page 8 of Rejected
Of all the stupid, nonsensical, idiotic things to do—
“Did you say ‘grave’?” she asked.
That was the first thing she said after Laurie’s stupid proposal. It was the first thing that popped out of her mouth.
His expression turned into one of anguish, pure anguish.
“You are mocking me,” he whispered. She had thought a moment ago that it wasn’t possible for him to get any paler, but he did.
“Not yet,” Jo said. “But get up from your knees or I can’t promise not to.”
“You… you reject me?” he murmured in this small, disbelieving voice.
He made as if to stand up, but his legs failed him, and he stumbled. Thought better of it, and stayed on his knees in front of her. Except now he looked like awounded soldier, slaughtered in the battlefield. His entire body sagged in defeat.
“Reject what, Laurie? You are not in your right mind,” Jo tried to reason with him.This cannot be happening. We will be rolling with laughter at his idiocy tomorrow. And I’ll give him an earful for scaring me so.“This joke has gone on long enough, now stop it.”
“It is no joke!” he nearly screamed it. His eyes were glittering with angry tears. “I love you, Jo. I’m mad with it, I mean it. Can you seriously have been this blind? Both your sisters, even your idiot of a brother have known for years.”
Now it was Jo who felt as if she would faint. The blood drained from her head.
“What?” she whispered.
Laurie jumped to his feet and put an arm on her shoulder. “I’ve shocked you,” he said, his voice returning to normal for the first time. “I’m—I’m sorry, please don’t faint.”
“I don’tfaint!” Jo pushed his arm away impatiently.
“You look like you’re about to.” His eyes searched her face with alarm.
I’m not about to faint, she realized.I’m about to melt. How absolutely embarrassing. What is wrong with me?
What is wrong withhim?
How could he make her melt just by standing here? Why now, all of a sudden, when she had known him forever?
It was that stupid hunger in his face. Those tortured eyes, those lips… Did he always used to have such an intense stare? It was looking down into her soul, making her feel things. Stupid things. Dangerous things. Inappropriate things.
“Jo?” Laurie asked anxiously. She had never been silent for so long in her entire life.
“Stop being ridiculous, Teddy,” she swatted him away impatiently. “I have enough to deal with, losing both sisters in one night, and…”
“I know.” The blasted boy was back on his knees again, turning her face to his with a finger on her chin, his eyes impossibly blue, fighting to catch a glimpse of her face. “Iknow. I know you, Jo, I know that’s what you’ve been thinking all night. More than tonight, these three days, probably, since the wedding. Since Sir John proposed to your sister.”
Jo sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve, like a child. She didn’t care.
When had she started crying? Crying was disgusting. She had to stop at once—except she didn’t seem to be able to.
Laurie’s hand came around her wrist gently. When had his fingers grown so big they could circle her whole hand effortlessly? They felt warm and strong, and steadying. His arms were strong and roped with veins—No. I won’t think of the muscles on his arms, no matter how prominent.
I won’t let him comfort me. I cannot rely on him any longer. I never will again. Not after this.
The realization hit her: This was real. It was happening and there was no coming back from it. She was losing him. The world dropped from underneath her feet.
“I needed to…” Laurie appeared to be fighting for words.
Stop being so dramatic, drat you!she wanted to shout at him, but she was terrified as she had never been in her life.
“I thought… I knew how you felt. I know every thought that goes through your head at any minute. And I wanted to tell you that you are not alone,” Laurie swallowed hard, his jaw moving as if he were in pain. He met her eyes, and she went absolutely still. “I did not want you to feel as if you were left alone for even a second. But I’ve bungled it. I—I spoke too soon. I could not wait a moment longer. Forgive me, Jo, forgive me. But you must understand, I have been in torment.”
