Page 15 of Dibs
We eat in companionable silence, and then I grasp my full belly and let out a deep breath. “Thanks, Deac. I needed this.”
“Sure, Beck. I’m either going to force you into a shower or out of the house. It’s a nice day out. We could do some fishing.”
Sean hated fishing. He refused to touch the worms, so I had to bait his hooks. He was exposed to bodily fluids and blood daily, which seemed far worse than worms, so his avoidance annoyed me a little extra. I roll my eyes in remembrance.
“Yeah, let’s do that. I won’t have to bait your hooks, will I?”
“I’m not Sean.”
I change from my PJs into a pair of beat-up cargo pants and an old Alanis Morissette concert t-shirt. Her song “You Oughtta Know” has been just the song I’ve needed to get through the week, so I turn it up loud in Deacon’s Jeep.
I can’t help but smile as Deacon sings along in perfect pitch. We shout out the lyrics together, drawing a few strange looks from people stopped beside us at traffic lights.
After a quick stop for bait, we arrive at our favorite fishing spot. It’s such a gorgeous September day that people are everywhere at the lake, so we walk a distance to find an empty public dock and set up our camp chairs. Everything about nature is so healing and being at our favorite spot soothes my soul.
Within five minutes, I reel in a bluegill. Deacon insists on taking a photo of me holding my prize, but I quickly release it back to its home. I guess, in a way, I can relate to the fish. Having been on someone’s hook and thrown back out into the wild. Sean was nothing more than a hook with some attractive bait who had reeled me in and savagely kept me when he should’ve let me go a long time ago.
I feel Deacon’s hand on the small of my back as I stand, staring into the water in a daze.
“Hey. It’s going to be okay.” His soft words touch me, and all I can do is turn and press my face into Deacon’s shoulder, nodding against his soft shirt as I hold my pole out to the side to avoid hitting him with it. I catch a glimpse of the ring he’d given me that I hadn’t taken off yet and breathe in his scent—a mix of nutty soap, hints of lavender from his laundry detergent, and a woodsy smell all his own. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been in his arms this long, though, as he usually kept a respectful distance in front of Sean.
“I like it here,” I whisper.
“It’s a pretty little lake.” Deacon holds me tighter with one arm encircling me.
“Your arms, I mean.” My face flushes.
He holds up one finger as if to say, “One second,” sets his pole down carefully, freeing up his second arm to give me a giant bear hug that instantaneously makes me feel safe and relaxed. Better than I’d felt in many days. Deacon gives the best hugs; he’s practically a human teddy bear.
Bright sun breaks through the clouds and shines down on the lake, the gentle waves appearing to shimmer in its rays. The water is so clear and blue and inviting, it begs to be jumped into, but it’s not warm enough. The time for swimming has come and gone already, especially since I hadn’t packed any towels or blankets.
When we sit down, I wipe a stray tear as Deacon says, “I heard from Sean.”
My throat dries up at the thought, and I squeeze my eyes shut. “What—what did he have to say?”
“Bullshit excuses I saw right through. An appeal to my emotions, to our history, trying to convince me to be loyal to him. Tried to turn me against you, like that would ever work.”
“Sounds like him. Sean can be convincing. He turns it around on you and makes you feel like you’re crazy until you almost believe you are.” I shake my head, wondering why I’d stayed so long with someone who made me feel batshit insane half the time.
“Yeah, he’s got that down. I made it simple for him and told him I chose you. The only way he would ever have my friendship again is if he did some serious work on himself. Which I think we both know he won’t do.” Deacon sighs loudly as my phone buzzes.
I try to ignore the text message, but once I see it’s from Tara, I peek at it.
Dear fucking Christ.
The words crawl off the screen and burrow themselves in my belly, twisting up my guts, making me feel physically ill.
Shivers shoot down my spine and back up again as I read.
“Sean got his nurse pregnant. You deserve to know. I’m so sorry.”
I silently hand the phone to Deacon and lean over the water as the food we just ate not an hour earlier comes back up. Fuck, I hate spilling my literal guts into the clear water. Deacon hands me a bottle of water and a fast-food napkin to clean up, but my stomach keeps twisting while I swish. I collapse to my knees, hot tears streaming down my cheeks.
Strong arms pull me up to standing and surround me, and I bathe Deacon’s shoulder with my salty tears. Sean is going to be a father, leaving me single and alone at twenty-nine, longing for children of my own but starting over from zero.
“Better her than you,” Deacon declares as he holds me. “She’s stuck with him for the rest of her life because they’ll share a child. You can find a good man this time and fall in love and have babies with someone who won’t cheat on you. I know it sucks, but it’s a blessing. It’s an opportunity disguised as a painful ending.”
“It’s really heavily disguised.” My voice shakes.
