Page 45 of Leo
I sighed.It wasn’t anything as dramatic as my uncle’s voice guiding me from the beyond.Not this time anyway.You did this before,I reminded myself.And isn’t this exactly the sort of thing Benson always talked about?One of the reasons you decided to work with him instead of Dad?Compassion for your clients.For the dead.I thought briefly of the tight budget the home was on already, of the shoestring I was skating along to keep things running as an independent funeral home and not sell out to one of the big conglomerates that would use the family name but make the inside all sterile and impersonal.I sighed, already know what the right answer was but still hesitant to just go back to the office and tell them… What was stopping me?My father’s business model, mostly.His insistence on how to do things, the way he griped about Benson ‘throwing money away’ had been part of my training in the family business.Whenever I’d remarked on the kindness he offered some of the grieving loved ones, Dad would just roll his eyes.It wasn’t that my father was entirely mercenary about the funeral business, but his sympathy ended at ledger book, as Mom would say.Empathize with the grieving but don’t be a doormathad been drilled into me for ages.
But would helping the Simms family really be making me a doormat?I doubted there’d suddenly be a line of people showing up for free funerals if I helped the Simms out.
I fished my phone out of my jacket pocket and thumbed open the text app before I could talk myself out of it.
Me:Hey, you busy?
Ambrose:A little but I can talk for a minute.Is Edward okay?
I had to be honest with myself: it gave me the warm fuzzies for him to ask after Edward.Whatever else was going on with Ambrose and I, whichever way this was going to end up, the fact he didn’t resent me being a father, didn’t mind that I prioritized my son, made me happy.I’d been so scared of the day I’d start dating again after becoming a father, reading all these terrible dates other guys in my position had gone on, hearing fathers in the single dad support group I’d been in for a while bemoan how the potential partners they met either expected them to treat their kids as some sort of accessory they could pick up and put down on a whim or thought the kids should be ignored entirely… Meeting Ambrose, seeing that not only did he respect the fact I was a dad but genuinely liked Edward to boot, it made something click into place inside me.
Wait, weweredating, right?I thought we might be, but was that just me assuming?We’d had sex—amazing sex, if I were being honest and why wouldn’t I be, especially since my thoughts often returned to whatever he and I had done most recently whenever I had a quiet moment to myself.But we hadn’t really discussed being anything more than compatible friends with benefits.
He invited you and Edward over for dinner with him and Bethany.That’s pretty much a family dinner, isn’t it?Neither of us have parents still living so is this the equivalent sort of thing?getting everyone together for a meal and a visit, see how they gel?
Am I ready for this?Hell, is Edward?What if it doesn’t work out?How will Edward take it?He’s smart as a whip but he’s still a kid and no amount of trying to explain why he can’t hang out with people he likes because Dad and Ambrose decided they couldn’t be friends anymore is going to make it easier.
Ambrose:Leo?
Me:Sorry.Got distracted for a sec.I just wanted to ask you a question and tell me to fuck off if it’s too personal, alright?
Ambrose:Oooooh, personal?I like the sound of this.*smirking emoji, eggplant emoji, peach emoji *
Me:Not that kind of personal, but I’ll keep that in mind for later.
Me:What I wanted to know was this: If you had the chance to do something, even if it went against everything you’d been taught, because you knew it’d help someone else, would you do it?
There was a brief pause, then my phone flashed with an incoming call notification.
“Are we talking help hide a body sort of helping someone else, or something less felonious?”he asked as soon as I said hello.
“Ah, well, technically, hiding bodiesismy job so…”
He snorted.“Dark humor.Nice But to answer your question, I suppose… I suppose I’d choose to help, even if it meant having to work against my own programming, so to speak.Is this about something at work?”
“Yeah,” I sighed.“I can’t go into details but—”
“But,” he murmured, “I think I can figure it out.And I’ll just say this: If I were in a position to help, I would.But I don’t have your background in the field, obviously, and I don’t know how that would impact your business overall.It’s something that needs to be taken into consideration.”He sighed.“Which sucks, but there we are.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me, then sighed myself.“I should get going.The family is talking in my office, and I don’t want to look like I’m goofing off while they’re making hard choices in there.”
“Hey, you thought about tonight yet?I have something kind of exciting to tell you…”
My fight or flight response gave a warning tingle, and I frowned.What the hell do you mean, something exciting to tell me?
I was being unfair and I knew it, but the bubble of nerves in my throat forced words out before I could stop them.“Edward’s had a pretty rough week at school, and I was thinking maybe just hang out at home with him this evening.”
It wasn’t entirely untrue.I’d toyed with the idea of canceling plans with Naomi over the weekend and taking a trip to the tidepools I’d wanted Edward to see, but I hadn’t committed yet.Now, though, it just spilled out and I felt guilty.Using your son as an excuse.Nice, Leo.A-plus parenting there.
There was a definitely disappointed pause before Ambrose said, with obviously forced cheer, “Well, totally understandable!Call me later if you can—I still want to talk to you about something.”
I said a hurried goodbye and hid my phone away as Bill Simms opened my office door and nodded for me to come back.
“Mr.Alexander,” I said as I crossed the foyer, “I’d like to make a suggestion and you’re both free to tell me no.I won’t be offended…”
* * *
“Dad.Dad.Dad.Dad.”
