Page 14 of Leo
Naomi and Mike entertained Edward’s raptures about the Little Bugs class, then his rapid-fire questions about their days and then about their new car and did they know that bombardier beetles go POW and had they ever seen a chuckwalla and maybe Dad will let him get an iguana.
No, Dad wouldnot,but I’d wait and tell him that when he asked directly.
Dinner went smoothly, Edward’s upset from earlier almost entirely gone.Traces of it still showed in the tightness around his eyes, though, and the way he’d frown when the conversation was about something he didn’t need to pay attention to.After dessert, which he proclaimed gross because it lacked frosting and was just a bowl of fruit salad, he took himself to the living room to do his homework.Finally.
“So,” Naomi drawled, pushing a lonely grape around on her plate with the tines of a fork.
“Oh no,” I groaned.“What is it now?”
Mike shook his head.“She’s dying to know about you and the Nice Buns guy.Apparently, having cupcakes with the guy in full view of the town is equivalent to taking out an engagement announcement in the paper.”
“And why you didn’t tell me you were interested in getting out there!When you told me you had to go to a meeting today, I thought it was at the school with Edward’s teacher, not a date!”She lobbed the grape at me, and I caught it, popping it in my mouth with a grin.“Ass.”
“It wasn’t a date.And we weren’t eating cupcakes.Edward hadonecupcake while I talked with Ambrose.”Naomi and Mike both let out a salaciouswhooooooo, breaking into laughter when I threw grapes at both of them.“And I didn’t meet with Ms.Webb oficially—I tried to have a quick chat with her in the pick up line but she had other parents to meet with ahead of me.Ididput in a request with the school secretary.for a meeting with Webb and the IEP team though.I just took him by Nice Buns after for a treat since he’d had a shit day and…” I shrugged, not wanting to admit I also just wanted to see Ambrose for a few minutes.“Anyway.Wearegoing out to dinner—” Mike silenced Naomi’s sharp gasp and excitedoh my godwith a gentle poke to her arm.“It’s not a date.Ambrose wanted to talk chamber of commerce stuff since he’s been trying to get Nice Buns membership for a while now, but Dempsey keeps rejecting him.”
“Dempsey,” Mike mused.“Willis Dempsey?Little guy, huge eyebrows?Kind of a jerk?”
“Bingo,” I sing-songed.“President of the Gaynor Beach Rainbow Chamber of Commerce and pain in my ass.”
Mike grunted.“You’re not the only one.His accounting firm makes the rest of us look bad.There are so many complaints about him with the state board, mostly about how he treats clients more than anything shady with the numbers.”
“He seems like the perfect choice for the president of the Rainbow Chamber of Commerce,” Naomi muttered.“The man’s so afraid of someone associating him withrainbowsI’m surprised he hasn’t forbidden the use of color entirely.”
I sighed.“I’m thinking of just not renewing membership when the time comes.Most of the current board is focused on respectability politics and refuses to hear any proposals from members about potential changes.Hell, all of the charity projects that have been proposed have been rejected as being too ‘out there’ or not in line with the RCC’s mission statement.”
Naomi scowled at her drink.“I remember how mad you got last summer when they shot down that proposal some of you put together about a post-high school education fund for LGBTQIA-plus teenagers.”
I let my glass thump back to the table a bit more heavily than was polite.“Fuckers,” I muttered.“They said it wastoo muchandnot the RCC’s place.Seriously, whatisour place then?Just sit there and be well-behaved and beige so nobody can take exception to our existence?The education fund, the internship program, the proposal to develop an apprenticeship scheme for the more hands-on businesses so we can help the queer community’s joblessness problem in this part of the state…” I ticked each one off on my fingers, growing more annoyed with every word.“Every proposal and plan presented to the board that would push the RCC to be an actual, active part of the queer community not only here but in the state—hell, the country—was shot down and calledtoo much.”I shook my head.“I just don’t know if I want to keep the home associated with the RCC if they’re not going to actually support the community.”
“I don’t guess you’re going to run for the position during the board elections, huh?”Mike teased.
I groaned.“God, no.I have enough to do as it is, and I feel bad enough leaving Edward with you guys when I have to stay late, and his after-school programs aren’t in session.”
“You shouldn’t,” Naomi said, a hint of fire in her tone.“I told you the day I offered to be the carrier for that little boy that we would always be part of your chosen family, and always be here to help.We’re not doing it out of obligation, Leo; we love you guys.And”—she took a sip of her wine, a small smirk tugging at her lip—“that also includes asking us to watch Edward if you want to go on that probably-date with Mr.Nice Buns.”
I don’t know what face I made, just that it made Naomi and Mike burst into giggles.
“You’re kind of obvious, buddy,” she teased.“Eating cupcakes with the guy?Just popping in for a treat?Talking RCC with him?What’s next?Are you going to exchange numbers just in case you have a cupcake related emergency?”
I stood, gathering our plates as they laughed.“Funny you should mention that.”
Their laughter didn’t abate as I cleared the table, Naomi moving to help me load the dishwasher.“Seriously,” she said when she caught her breath.“Pick a day and time, and bring Edward over.Take some time for yourself, you dork.”
I rinsed out a glass, staring at the swirling water and imagining it washing away all the guilt I’d tried to layer on myself over the previous decade, starting with diverging from my father’s plans for me to take over his funeral home and stepping into my uncle Benson’s instead.Then came choosing to be a single dad, which upset Mom and Dad no end.They hadn’t spoken with me in a while and last time they spoke with Edward, it was a plain birthday card with two dollars stuck inside andhappy birthday, kidscrawled in Dad’s handwriting.
Oddly, me being gay had never been the problem for them.It had been me being different from the son they’d imagined.I wasn’t following Dad’s exact footsteps, I wasn’t happily settled with a partner who ran the front office while I did the rest, like Mom did for Dad.When they expressed their disappointment in me choosing surrogacy to become a father, it hit at the same time the remaining romantic prospects in my life all turned away.All I heard was how selfish I was being, how I couldn’t do anything other than center Edward and be his entire world.
Naomi had told me then, back when she was eight months pregnant and in theI love you, but your kid is driving me nuts, get him out of mestage, that I was being ridiculous, and did I think that’s how she and Mike operated?Or any of the other parents I knew?
But it was easier to wallow in that guilt, to close off from the hard parts.To tell myself I was all Edward had, at the end of the day, that Naomi and Mike had one another and Leslie, that far-flung cousins and distant grandparents weren’t going to step in if we needed the help, so it had to be me, and he had to be central to all my decisions.
“Hey,” Naomi said, shutting off the water.“Listen, if you don’t want to see him again, don’t.But I think you should give it a try, you know?It’s a date, not a wedding.All Edward has to know is you’re visiting with a friend.And if it doesn’t work out, then at least you know.”
“I suppose…” Guilt still prickled at the back of my neck, even as temptation tugged me forward, toward Ambrose and the probably-date.
“Hey.”She nudged me with her elbow, making me look up from the empty sink.“I’ve known you over half my life, and seeing you shut yourself off like this?It’s been sad, Leo.You deserve happiness.Happiness,” she corrected before I could protest, “outside of being a dad.If you limit yourself like that, when Edward’s older and out of the house?”She shook her head.“Then you’ll be empty, okay?I saw it with my mom.When I moved out, it was like she was lost.It took her years to figure out how to be a person again instead of Only Mom.”
“I said I’d let him know when I could get you to babysit,” I admitted.
