Page 12 of Leo
Leo scooped him up.“I’ll, um… call later?If that’s okay?”
I nodded.“Of course.We need to close up here anyway.But it was good seeing you.”I winced.“I mean, not good that you’re having bad days but—”
He smiled softly.“No, I understand.It was good seeing you, too.”
Bethany waited till they left then locked the door behind them, turning to face me with an expectant expression.“What?”I asked.
“You’re totally gaga over him.Admit it.”
“I’m not gaga,” I lied, starting to wipe down the counter.“Did you finish your homework?”
She followed me over to lean against the counter as I cleaned.“I like his kid.He’s pretty cool.Chill for a little guy, really into insects and bugs.He liked my bombardier beetle drawing and sounded interested in that Little Bugs class at the center.Oh, hey, I meant to ask.Can you come with me to get a tattoo?”
I recoiled, having to stop myself from reflexively covering my own ink so she couldn’t use that against me.“What?No!You’re fifteen!”
“I can get one if you say it’s okay!”
“Tell you what, let’s go get you your tattoo today and then I can see Leo tomorrow because it’ll be over my dead fucking body!”
“Ugh.”Bethany stomped back to the office.“It’smyskin!”
“And you’re myminorsister!”I called back.“Wait till you’re eighteen like the rest of us.”
“Ugh!”
“Ugh!”
She emerged only after I’d finished the front of house lock down duties, a bombardier beetle drawn on her forearm with what was likely Sharpie as she glared at me, daring me to say something.
“Come on, let’s get back to the house.I think I’ve got some Raid to take care of that infestation you’ve got going on.”
“God.”
CHAPTER5
LEO
Even a bite sizecupcake decorated to look like a ladybug hadn’t taken the edge off Edward’s mood.
I didn’t honestly expect it to, but miracles could happen.
When we got home, he stomped to his room, and while he didn’t slam the door, he definitely closed it with a firm shove.I followed at a slower pace, hesitant to scold him for the show of temper mostly because it was a very reasonable reaction to his shitty day.Besides, wasn’t one of my first promises to Edward that I wouldn’t be like my own father, demanding quiet obedience and making sure appearances were perfect, no matter how I felt inside?
So, I let him have a few minutes to knock around his toy box, clattering what sounded like Lego and some toy cars as an outlet for his mood.Finally, after a few minutes, he quieted down and he heaved a loud, heavy sigh.
“Hey, can I open the door?”
A moment passed, then “I need a minute, okay?I’m really mad right now and I need to be mad.”
Sighing, I sank down to sit across from his door.The part of me that wanted to fix things, to make sure he was okay, to protect him no matter what, was hopping ready to just open his door anyway, tell him totalkto me, to let me cheer him up.But the part that knew better, the part that had hated being treated that way by my own parents, like I didn’t have my own feelings or had to put on a mask to get their approval becausenobody likes a whiner, Leo.Stop being so damn grouchy, Leo.
But Edward and I had both been to therapy together and separately, a suggestion by his pediatrician when it became clear mood regulation was a thing we needed to focus on for him, and me being a general hot mess was unable to be swept under the rug.
“Good job using the words, kiddo,” I called softly.“Let me know when you want to talk.”
There was a dull thump, then the sound of the bed creaking as be bounced gently, then more aggressively.I sighed again, closing my eyes and letting my head rest back against the wall.It wouldn’t beeasierif I had someone,I thought, but it’d sure as hell beniceto have someone.Someone to shoulder some of this with me, even if it was just making each other feel good.Being somewhere soft to land,I thought, Ambrose’s phrase burning strong for me.It used to make me feel selfish when Edward was tiny.Daydreaming of having someone who’d step in and tell me to just let them.Let them do it all, or even a little.Just for the day.Hell, just for an hour.
I’d remind myself that I decided to be single parent, that I knew I’d be going it alone, and swallow that desperate wish down every time.
