Page 32 of Leo
We both hung up, but only one of us went to bed.
* * *
Ambrose wasbehind the counter when I took Edward for what was fast becoming our habitual afternoon cupcake, my determination to limit his sugar intake not only out the window but so far in the rearview mirror I couldn’t even see it anymore.“Hey, guys,” he called as we joined the queue for treats behind a loose gaggle of high school aged kids and a few people closer to our age that I recognized from around town.Bethany was eyeing the teenagers warily, ringing up orders as they came.Edward tugged on my hand, turning pleading eyes up to me.“Dad.Dad.I want to show Bethany the picture I drew.I made her a beetle that looks like her!”
A few of the kids glanced back at us, smiling a little at Edward’s excitement.Bethany turned pink but shot Edward a smile too.“She looks like she’s working, kiddo.Want to wait a bit?”
Edward frowned.“I guess.”He hung on my hand as we move up in the line.I tried to distract him with the different flavors Ambrose had listed on the board but not even the potential for tomato soup cupcakes with apple cider cream cheese frosting could distract him from his cruddy day so far.Bethany was darting looks our way as we moved up toward the counter and disappeared for a moment between customers, returning with the guy who’d delivered cupcakes to the funeral home, who stepped behind the register as Bethany reached into the display case and retrieved two neon-green and pink cupcakes and came around the counter toward us.“Hey, Edward!Want to try this new flavor?It’s salted watermelon.”
I made a face, but Edward’s eyes lit up.“Salt makes things taste sweeter sometimes.Did you know that?Aunt Gnome puts salt on watermelon because of that.”
“Aunt Gnome has issues,” I muttered, but let Bethany take Edward to a small table tucked in the corner near the employee entrance.Ambrose grinned at me as I took the spot at the counter.
“The flavor was Bethany’s idea,” he said.“Not gonna lie, it sounded weird even to me, but she sold me on trying it after finding some article about salted watermelon in the Depression era south… It’s a tenuous link to the whole theme I’ve got going on here but what the hell.”He darted a glance her way and added, sotto voce, “I’m trying to be supportive of the things that make her happy, and if making a weird cupcake flavor helps her handle some of the shit that’s been going on, then I’m in.”He motioned to the shop behind me and said, “Looks like the afternoon rush is in a lull.Want to grab a cookie and juice?”
“Make it a muffin and water and I’m sold,” I said, my heart giving a tiny flutter as he laughed, pushing hair out of his eyes.
“Muffins are just cupcakes with low self-esteem, Leo.Besides, I sold out of today’s blueberry lemon strudel muffins before 10 a.m.”
“Then I guess I’ll have to have a cupcake,” I sighed with faux-sadness.“Those cocky bastards will never be humble at this rate.”
He snorted.“Ira, you got the counter for a few?”
“On it.”
Ambrose disappeared into the kitchen and came back sans apron and carrying two bottles of water.He paused at the counter to retrieve two cupcakes—one cherry vanilla that looked like a tiny milkshake from some fifties diner and one of the neon pink and green abominations—before motioning for me to follow him.I checked where Bethany and Edward were sitting—he had out his drawing notebook and she was leaning over it next to him, exclaiming over his art in that voice people used with little kids, and Edward was beaming.
Ambrose hesitated.“Sorry.I didn’t think… Let’s sit out here,” he said, changing direction and heading for an empty two-top beside the window.
“Sorry,” I muttered.“I just hate to have him out of my sight more than ever.It’s hell when I drop him off at school, especially since nothing seems to have changed, you know?”
He nodded as we sat, one hand sliding toward mine atop the table before he hesitated and drew back.
And I hated it.It made that flutter in my heart turn to a spark of pain, of sadness.Ambrose fussed with the wrapper on his cupcake, not meeting my eyes for a moment.“So,” he said.“I’m guessing you want to talk about last night?”
“Ah.”
“Ah?”
“I thought I’d have to bring it up,” I admitted.“And I was going to be a big coward about it—avoid the topic and hope you forgot about it.”
His face paled as he jerked back, stricken.“Oh.I… Sorry,” he said, shaking his head.“I didn’t know you’d be upset.I mean, it slipped out, you know?I didn’t intend to say it last night.Or, maybe, you know, ever, but it came out and then I thought okay this isn’t terrible because he didn’t call me back to tell me to fuck off, and I figured that maybe I’d see you today—ta da, here you are—and we’d talk about it and I’d tell you it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, no pressure, going slow, I still respect you and I want to be friends and—”
“And,” I blurted, cutting him off, maybe a bit louder than intended because Bethany, Ira, and Edward all turned to stare at us.“And,” I repeated, quiet this time, “I was freaking out.Because I didn’t know how to respond.”
Ambrose nodded, lips pressed into a thin line.“It’s okay.It’s a lot, you know?I don’t expect you to feel the same.And hey, did you know there are like six words for love in ancient Greek?Like, there’s Agape, Eros, Philia, Philautia, Storge—”
He froze at the touch of my fingers on his lips, then muttered, “Xenia.”
“I didn’t know how to respond because I’d told myself for years that I didn’t get to have this,” I murmured.“Since before Edward was born, I convinced myself the most I could have was a flingmaybewhen he was a teenager and I could get away with it.But…” I took a breath and let it out slowly, trying to keep my words from tumbling out in a rush.“But I was wrong.Naomi helped me see that, but I think I already knew.I think I knew from that night at the RCC meeting.I want you, Ambrose, and taking a step back is terrible.I miss what we had.And I know I’ve been hot and cold but—”
The table rattled as he lurched across to kiss me, his hands—sticky with sugar from his cupcake—tangled in the hair at the nape of my neck to hold me in place while his lips teased mine.I closed my eyes, sighing into the kiss.Threewhoooooooos came up from the shop and we pulled apart.My face was hot as I looked over at Edward.He was grinning.“You guys kissed,” he said.“That’s kind of gross because your mouths are full of germs.”
“Grown-ups, right?”Bethany teased, winking at us.“Hey, want me to draw you an isopod?”
Ambrose ducked his face but didn’t let go of me.“Sorry,” he muttered.“Just kind of…”
I nodded.“I’m glad.”
