Page 28 of Downward Dawg
Once the door was closed, she dropped his hand but didn’t speak, just stared at the bed.
“Baby?” He came up behind her, propping his chin on her shoulder, arms around her waist. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I’ve got my shit together, you know?”
Puzzled by the odd opening, he nodded, strands of her hair catching in his beard. “Yeah, I do know. You’re a business owner who’s damn successful, have a great home, and a crazy dog. Doin’ pretty damn well, if you ask me.”
“Wasn’t always the case.” She twisted and he released his hold enough to let her turn in his arms, facing him. “My folks are old time hippies. Guess you can figure that out by my name. They didn’t instill any good habits in me, mostly because they didn’t have any themselves. I’m pretty sure my dad is my dad, but they were into doing what felt good, no matter who might get hurt.” She pulled in a hard breath. “My ex-husband was part of their group, and at first it was okay.” She shrugged. “Everything was not great, but okay. Then he wanted to leave the group, so I packed up and followed him.”
“Hold up a minute and let’s get comfortable, baby.”
Mad Dawg steered her to the bed as he spoke and Ella went easily with him, knee-walking her way to the headboard to sit beside him. He kicked off his boots, leaving them to thump to the floor. Reaching out, he dragged her into his lap, pulling her close so she was leaning against him.
“How’s that?”
“Better,” she admitted, her next deep breath sounding like it came easier.
“I agree. Much better. Why’d your old man want to leave where your parents were?”
“Now I get it, you know? It was to isolate me. Sure, now I know, but let me tell you, it took a lot of therapy to get to that realization, because I didn’t understand back at the time. I thought he loved me so much he wanted me all to himself. So I let it happen. First from my parents, and then everyone I knew. After that it was me not working, not having a job or my own money, because he ‘wanted to take care of me’ he said.” She used air quotes around the words. “But then, things twisted. I was home all day, because he didn’t like it when I went out. Even to the park or library. My place was at home.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“Yeah, like I said I know better now. Should have listened to my bad vibes, you know? They were tingling and singing, but I ignored them. He loved me. He said he did. So much changed from the first date to when I left. I went through a terrible evolution. Because, the thing is, if you hear bad things about yourself often enough and loud enough, punctuated with beatings and fights, it becomes your truth.”
Mad Dawg forced himself to keep breathing, not letting his arms tense around her. “Beatings?”
“Figured you’d latch onto that.” She laughed, the sound raw with bitterness. “Yeah, one form of ensuring I understood my place. So, long story short, I got away from him and tried to go back to the commune, but my parents had moved on. Places like that don’t have forwarding addresses, so I was out of luck finding them. It wasn’t the same without them there, and once Dwight realized where I’d gone, he followed. So I left.”
“Dwight’s the ex?” A deep, simmering anger filled him. She might have kept the tale to the minimum, likely to spare him from the details, but he’d be damned if she’d go without justice.Not on my fuckin’ watch.“Where’s he now?”I bet Denver could find him based on this info alone.
“I know what you’re doing.” Ella tipped her head back, eyes angled up to meet his. “It’s in the past, Dom. Well and proper, in the past. I found a job, then a good attorney. Divorced him, left his name in the dust, and took my maiden back. Forrester is mine, not his.”
“See, I don’t believe you. Not really. Not if the idea of telling me this has had you so worked up, Ella. Worked up for days. That doesn’t say past to me.” He wished it was behind her, but the way she’d trembled as she avoided talking in detail about the physical abuse was loud and clear.
“I wasn’t worried about telling you.” She wrinkled her nose. “Okay, lie. Sorry universe. Sorrier to you, Dom. Yes, I was worried, but more about what you’d think it said about me.”
“What it says about you is you are a goddamned survivor. A strong fucking person in your own right, with value and purpose. You’re a winner, thriving all the way around. Doesn’t matter how far down the motherfucker tried to drag you, there was a path back up and you found it, and recovered yourself in the process. It tells me you’re precious, because you’ve seen the worst in people, and come out the other end still letting a fuckin’ biker like me get close. You trust your gut, and trust people, which means he never broke you.” Her eyes filled with tears and Mad Dawg’s throat closed, his words coming out rough, yet tender. “Found yourself, and then you found me. Now I’m the one that’s the winner.”
“Such a good man,” she whispered. Clearing her throat, she said, “I did lose myself for a while. Credit wasn’t something I understood. There was so much I had to learn.” She shook her head, then leaned heavily on his shoulder. “I knew what I wanted to do, but it was years before I’d even let myself dream of having my own studio.”
“What all kinds of work have you done? Things you didn’t hate, I mean.” He settled more comfortably against the headboard, crossing his legs at the ankle. “I bet you’ve got some stories.”
“I do. On the hate side of the column is retail and food service.” She shivered dramatically. “People don’t see those workers as necessary, or providing a service, so they’re mostly jerks to anyone behind a counter. Oddly enough, I enjoyed working at a bank the most. I didn’t have to interface with people, just was backend accounting data entry. It’s a far cry from the satisfaction I get from helping someone on their enlightenment journey, but it didn’t suck. Still, it was just a job.”
“Hmm. You, making order out of chaos. Yeah, I can see that.” Leaning his head back, he smiled as she wiggled on his lap. “Careful, girlie, you might stir up some trouble if you keep that up.”
Ella giggled, the sound light and sweet. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know. Which is a lot, now that I think of it.”
“Well, my history is tied up in the military and the club. Nothing really in between. I spent fifteen years in uniform, got out, found my brothers.” He shrugged. “Never looked back.”
“No relationships to speak of?” She arched away, staring up with a frown. “That doesn’t compute, sir. You’re too damn good-looking to not have an old girlfriend at least.”
“Not since high school, and it wasn’t anything serious. When she wanted to talk about going to college together, I broke it off. She wasn’t right for me.” He tightened his arms and dipped his chin to capture her mouth in a quick kiss. “No one has been right for me.” He kissed her again. “Not until now.”
“Hey.” She laughed the word against his mouth. “This is new for both of us then, right? My first good relationship, and your first ever.” Her hand slipped around the back of his neck, pulling him close again. “We’ll teach each other the right way to do things.”
“Sounds like a plan.” He moved them down the mattress, until she was stretched out beside him. “Now that we’ve got those worrisome talks over and done with, I’ve got another plan in mind.”
