Page 145 of Love Arranged
She pauses, takes another breath, and says, “Nearly a year ago, I was down to one.”
I’m not entirely sure where this story is going, but the way Lily hesitates to speak makes me even more curious.
“What happened with it?”
“I wasted it on the wrong guy.” She doesn’t break my stare, and I instantly know I fucked up in more ways than I imagined.
She used her wish onme, and I took that dream—that hope—and I destroyed it with my selfishness.
The thought… My stomach is in knots, winding tighter with every pained breath.
“Lily…”
She holds her hand up. “Wait. Let me get this out.”
We sit there for a few minutes, the soothing sound of water cascading filling the quiet until she speaks again.
“After I ran out, I just…I didn’t see a point. I didn’t have any coins left, and visiting this place made me…so unbearably sad, to the point where I stopped making the effort. Running out of coins felt like I lost him all over again, and I couldn’t deal. So, I let his special place rot, along with that final wish.”
I’m the one struggling to keep eye contact now because how am I supposed to accept that I’m the reason for the pain in her eyes?
“I’m so sorry.” My voice rasps. “I’m so fucking sorry. For everything.”
She stabs another hole through my heart with her next sentence. “You say that, and I do believe you’re sorry, but it doesn’t take back the hurt you caused.”
She stands up, and my arm falls to my side.
“We can’t go back and change what happened. What’s done is done, and I’d rather focus on my future.”
My future.Notours.
An important distinction meant to separate us, but I see it as a motivating one. Because that future she wants?
It doesn’t seem so far-fetched anymore.
Her smile is sweet, and far warmer than I deserve, further adding to the acid burning in my chest.
She turns and walks away, leaving me alone. Instead of following her, I stand and walk up to the fountain, where Ifind twenty-plus gold coins sitting at the bottom of the basin, representing all of Lily’s hopes and dreams.
I want her to tell me about every single wish, and I want to make sure she never has another reason to stop.
And I think I have an idea of where to start.
38
LORENZO
Icame into today’s family gathering knowing that it would be tense, but I had hoped that after last weekend’s Chicago trip it wouldn’t be as bad as Lily’s worst-case scenarios. She asked me to be on my best behavior, and I’ve been nothing but an upstanding gentleman this afternoon.
I remain levelheaded, even with Julian baiting me about my latest poll numbers and Rafa, who recently returned from Europe, glaring at me from across the table like I threatened to call animal control on him.
Meanwhile, Lily is a bundle of nerves and has spent most of lunch pushing food around her plate without eating any of it. It irritates me beyond measure to see her so uncomfortable among her family, and I want to fix it.
If I want Lily, then I have to accept that herfamily is part of the package. It’s a foreign concept for someone like me, and perhaps if I share what my life was like before, they will give me more grace. Or at the very least, they might understand where I’m coming from.
You can’t be thinking of opening up to strangers. What if they use your past against you?The insidious voice returns, louder than before.
If they do, I trust that Lily has my back, I reply, not giving the worried thoughts any more room to breathe.
