Page 13 of Love Arranged
She smiles against my pebbled skin. “Are you going to hide behind a mask all night, or are you going to finally show me who I’ve been dreaming of for two months?”
Fuck. Me.
Her body molds to mine as she wraps her arms around my neck, teasing the strap keeping my mask in place. “Because as much as I’d love to explore this new mask kink of mine, I have a different idea about how I want tonight to go for us.”
“Like?”
“I’d rather show you.” Her eyes are so bright, so full of hope as she lifts my mask up. I don’t have a chance to stop her, or maybe I didn’t make enough effort to as Lily finally comes face-to-face withLaurence.
Her eyes widen, and her lips part with a gasp.
“Lo—”
I crush my mouth to hers.
One kiss to remember her by, I promise myself, embracing the rush of energy coursing through my body as she single-handedly ruins every future kiss for me.
She might as well be my first and my last because no one from my past compares, and there won’t be a single person who ever will.
It’s the least I deserve for the pain I’m about to cause her. Because the man she has spent monthsdreaming of… The one she wants for a thirty-year plan… I’m not him.
I hope you never forgive me for hurting you, I think to myself when she returns my kiss with equal enthusiasm. She tastes of passion fruit and sweet temptation, a forbidden combination that I could become addicted to.
I hope you find every reason to hate me and hold on to it, I silently add as I slide my hands through her hair and tilt her head back so I can better plunder her mouth.
And I hope that one day, I’ll stop hating myself for letting you go.
When I break away, I know it won’t be possible because I don’tjusthate myself.
Idespisethe weak person I am and the anxiety I struggle with. The same anxiety that demands for me to push Lily away, not because she deserves better, but because I won’tbebetter.
I don’t know how. Don’t want to figure it out either, in part because I’m scared. I’m selfish. I’m too damn focused on my goal to get distracted by some fantasy that was never mine.
I gently spin Lily around so she has her back to the door before I release my hold on her waist and take a step away.
And another.
My third is smaller thanks to the crushed look on her face, but I manage a fourth and a fifth without tripping.
“Where are you going?” Her voice gives her distress away, making my stomach churn.
“This was a terrible idea.” I keep my tone flat. Emotionless. No room for misinterpretation about where I stand on the asshole spectrum.
“What?”
“You. Me… We were a mistake.”
She flinches, adding to the dark cloud of hatred following me everywhere I go.
A feeling of self-loathing that I’m all too familiar with, and one that will eat away at me until all I’m left with are a bunch of regrets, but none as big as this one.
I can feel it from the very first step I take.
Ana
Are we going to talk about last night?
Or the fact that you’re Lorenzo fucking Vittori?
