Page 49 of Perfect Matcha
Chapter Eighteen
This date was going great,Theo thought. Or at least, it was going … fine.
It wasn’t as horrible as it could have been.
He hadn’t broken anything while ice skating, and Hawke had held his hand to prevent any major tumbles. It was the epitome of romance. He relished the idea of a big, strong man teaching him a thing or two. Obviously. Hence his multiple tumbles with Camden.
Now they were at the romantic-dinner portion of the evening. Theo lifted the last bite of his food to his mouth and tried to savor it. Hawke was watching him like, well, a hawk and seemed to be reading all of the insecurities flitting through Theo’s head. Theo knew that was impossible but was also certain it was very, very real. Hawke’s eyes felttoo knowing.
“How was your food?” Hawke asked.
“Oh God, the souzoukakia was divine. Thank you for bringing me here. This is my favorite restaurant.”
“Yeah, Camden told me.”
“Oh. That was … nice of him.”
“He definitely loves you, that’s for sure.” Hawke smiled mildly.
Theo blushed as if he’d been blasted with all the heat from the sun. “He’s my best friend.”
Hawke tapped the table with his fingertip a few times. “It’s okay if you love him too. I wouldn’t blame you, and it’d be good to know now, before I humiliate myself and fall head over toes for ya.” There was a touch of humor in Hawke’s voice.
“What are you talking about?” Theo was breathing hard and felt odd. Maybe he was reacting to an ingredient in the melitzanosalata. He’d never eaten it before, and they’d shared it as an appetizer.
Hawke leaned back in his chair and studied Theo. “Just checking.”
“Checking what?”
“You guys seem like you’d be perfect together. He talks about you all the time. You couldn’t stop looking at him on Monday night. I can’t tell if you’re friends or if there’s the potential for more there. I like you. I want to be your friend, regardless, but I don’t want to waste my time on romance if you’re emotionally unavailable.”
Holy shit, was this how some adults negotiated their feelings on dates? Because Theo had not been prepared. He’d never been good at verbalizing his thoughts or desires.
“I don’t—” Theo shook his head. “I asked him to arrange a date between you and me. I already told you that, I know. But I did it because I’m tired of being alone, and my ex is getting married.”
“Go on.”
“I was intimidated by you. I, well, you’reyou. And I’d never held a sex toy, and it was a lot to imagine trying to deal with if I ever saw you naked so—”
“God, you’re cute. I don’t care that you don’t have experience with toys. It’s not a prerequisite because I own First-Rate Finishes.”
“Okay, well … I do have experience now. Because Camden helped me.”
Hawke picked up his water glass and smiled. “Ah.”
“Why did you say that Camden loves me? How do you mean?”
Theo’s chest was unpleasantly tight. All those penetrating stares and long pauses and that kiss at Camden’s door with the donuts—they were an equation Theo couldn’t quite grasp.
“You’ve been friends with Camden your whole life,” Hawke said. “I think you know he loves you.”
“Well, of course he loves me. And I love him. He’s my best friend. But I never thought he’dseeme like—” Theo squeezed his eyes shut. “Shit.”
A small sparkle of hope was floating just out of Theo’s reach. It was the same feeling he’d had the morning after he and Camden had had sex, when he’d analyzed the curl of Camden’s hand and the striations of color in his stubble. It was the feeling that had pushed Theo out of bed and to Bold Brew to get them breakfast.
He’d dismissed that hope as nothing but an inconvenience. He’d shoved it into a box in his brain and tried to forget about it.
Theo had been deliberately compartmentalizing during every episode with Camden because that was what Theo had always done with his emotions. He’d been preventing himself from thinking and feeling, but what if he grabbed onto that hope instead?
