Page 26 of Small City Heart
“Was it a rough night for her?” Charlie asked.
“It wasn’t easy. I think not having my dad here made things difficult. There were obvious holes in conversations and lots of silences. When people told stories about high school, it was awkward because my parents were sweethearts back then, and every story involved both of them. No one knew how to act about it, and it was uncomfortable.”
“That sucks. Are you okay? It can’t be easy for you either.”
“This whole night was …” Patrick blew out a rough breath, his cheeks puffing out.
“That bad, huh?”
Patrick shrugged, and Charlie’s stomach dropped.
“I made you mad, and I’m sorry. I hate those douchebags. I wish they hadn’t called us over.”
Patrick picked at his thumbnail and sighed again. “It made me think that maybe this place can’t ever be my home again. Stupid fucking town.”
A sick sensation swooped through Charlie’s stomach. He loved Small City, but he’d never imagined in a million years that Patrick would want to live here again.
“Was that an option?”
Patrick shot him a wry smile. “Don’t worry. Your reunion hookup isn’t going to turn stalker on you. You’ve made your opinion about us pretty freaking clear.”
“I have?”
His opinion on Patrick was that he wanted to spend as much time with him as possible before Patrick went back to his exciting big city. Charlie didn’t want to turn into a Needy Nancy in the process. He would love to have Patrick in his life. He would love that to an embarrassing degree.
“I knew better, you know?” Patrick shook his head and laughed, but it was an ugly laugh. Not at all like the one Charlie had fallen for all those years ago. “I always do this. I let my heart get involved and move way too fast. And then end up unwelcome and alone. You’d think after screwing my boss and fucking over my career in one fell swoop that I would have learned my lesson. I need to start making decisions with my freaking head.”
Hurt shot through Charlie. “Now wait a second. I’m just trying to catch up here. I didn’t realize—”
“Everything today has made me feel shitty,” Patrick said, talking over him. He was on a full-fledged rant. “Everyone keeps talking about how I don’t fit in here, how I can’t possibly want to stay. How people like me are better off in Chicago. How my art can’t survive here, how there’s nothing worth my time. I thought you were worth my time, Charlie North. And I’d love to be closer to my mom. And some of my best photos are of the Flint Hills, for fuck’s sake. There is so much potential here, but it’s not open to me because why? Because I paint my fingernails. Because—”
“You left,” Charlie said on a gasp, pushing to get a word in edgewise.
Patrick snapped his mouth shut.
“You left. That’s why I thought you didn’t want to be here. Do you know how many people leave Small City and become big-time artists in faraway places? You’re exceptional. People talk about you, about your success.”
“And coming back … that would what? Signal I’m giving up? Running away from my problems?”
Charlie grabbed Patrick’s hand, and it settled some of the jangling inside his chest. He glanced down at Patrick’s fingernails and rubbed a thumb over the subtle glittery pink. “Of course not. But I’ve been on the receiving end of a man I care about hating this town, hating how constricting it is, how small. I don’t want that for you.”
Patrick jumped down off the tailgate, yanking his hand away with another laugh. “You don’t know anything, Charlie.”
“Yeah, that’s become abundantly clear,” Charlie said, exasperation sneaking into his voice. This whole conversation had gotten out of hand, and he had no idea how to get it back on track. Or if he should even try.
A weird hitch caught in Patrick’s throat, and all of Charlie’s reserves crumbled.
“Come here,” he said softly, pulling Patrick back toward him. Into his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m not saying the right stuff.”
“And I’m sayingway too muchstuff. I’m confused. My life is such a mess right now.” Patrick pushed the words into Charlie’s shoulder, so Charlie gave his neck a gentle squeeze.
What was the best-case scenario here? Patrick moved back to Small City and they fell in love and lived happily ever after?
Yeah right.
A more likely outcome would be Patrick moving back, Charlie falling for him, then Patrick running away because he couldn’t stand being stuck in the middle of nowhere. And when that happened, Charlie would try to hold on too tight like always. He’d smother his lover in his own need for acceptance and support because he’d been denied it for so fucking long.
He refused to do that to Patrick. He refused to be the lead weight around another man’s neck.
It paid to be self-aware.
“I think I’m ready to leave,” Patrick said, once their silence had stretched on too long.
Charlie had been two steps behind during this whole conversation, but he had enough foresight to realize that taking Patrick back to his duplex tonight was not the best idea. For either of them.
“Of course. I’ll drive you home.”
“Home.” Patrick snorted. “Sure.”
