Page 31 of Bottle Rocket
When she’d been with Landon, her emotions during disagreements had been on a short fuse. She’d had to teach herself to keep them in check, which had led to a vicious cycle of her being emotional, then cold, then emotional. More ammunition for Landon to use against her. No matter what she’d done, it had been wrong.
Now, it was hard not to let every fear, every slice of anger, every insecurity rush forward as soon as things stopped going her way.
Maybe she wasn’t ready for this. For feelings.
She’d thought she would be okay if she put boundaries in place. She’d thought if she repeated, “This is not forever. This is sex with a guy I care about. He will never stay. This will not be permanent,” she wouldn’t end up hurt.
Leo insinuating she was hiding her emotions had hurt.
After she and Landon separated, she’d pretended to be unaffected in front of everyone, even the other schoolteachers who had witnessed Landon not-so-secretly court a fresh-out-of-college second-grade teacher—a woman who was now his wife. Sasha had told Rosie to stop bottling up her pain. To share it before it ate her up inside.
Was this one of those moments she should share?
She peeked over her shoulder at William and Benji. She was friends with William, and Benji was fairly emotionally intelligent for a twenty-five-year-old dude. She could talk to them.
They were lying flat on their backs, holding hands and staring at the sky.
She wasn’t ready to face her issues yet. She was pretty sure anyone with half a brain would tell her that sleeping with Leo was a mistake. If she was this torn up over three orgasms, then he was not the man she should be having no-strings-attached sex with.
But those had been the best orgasms of Rosie’s life. They’d lifted her up, held her suspended in perfect pleasure. Made her rethink what she knew about herself. What it meant to be a match, to fit together with a partner. The pink kite danced in a gust of wind. She watched it rise and rise and rise before swooping suddenly as the wind stopped. She gasped in horror as the kite took a nosedive and crashed into the grass.
She stared at it, not sure the extent of the damage. Tears sprouted in her eyes. What the fuck was wrong with her?
“Hey, Rosie!” She turned toward Benji’s voice, ready to apologize for letting his kite hit the earth so hard, but he seemed unfazed. “I’m gonna get us hot dogs. Want one?”
She’d already had pizza, but a hot dog sounded fantastic. She nodded.
Benji grinned. “Be right back.” He jogged off, evidently in pursuit of food. There must have been a sidewalk vendor nearby.
William stood and approached her. He was wearing gym shorts, flip-flops, a crisp blue T-shirt, and a ball cap. He looked like a hot little-league coach, honestly.
“Want me to help you get the kite back in the sky?” he asked.
“I didn’t break it?”
“No. This kite’s made of sturdier stuff than that, Rosie.” William took the spool from her and got the kite up within a minute.
They both watched as it bobbed in the breeze. There was hardly any daylight left, and lightning bugs had started to blink under the Bradford pears.
Rosie had always liked William. He didn’t say much, so when he spoke, it was important. He’d been married to his work until he’d met her brother. Now she was pretty sure he’d one day be married to Benji. If that were the case, she’d majorly lucked out in the brothers-in-law department.
“Benji told me you’re dating an eighteen-year-old,” William said, a sly smile on his face. He handed her the spool.
“What?” She narrowed her eyes, and he laughed. “I’m notdatinganyone, but I have been seeing a man I knew when we were both eighteen. He’s my age. Benji is such a little shit.”
“A loveable one, though.”
“True.” She rolled her eyes.
“So how is dating going? Oh, excuse me. How isseeinga man you knew at eighteen going?”
She ignored his gentle teasing and bit her lip. Then she blurted, “I’m going to crash and burn, William. I’m in over my head.”
He stared at her thoughtfully for a few seconds. “I think you’re made of sturdier stuff than that.”
* * *
Rosie couldn’t stop thinkingabout William’s words. They followed her through her hot dog, insomnia, and a lazy morning the next day. No hobby search today because she was working a shift at a fireworks stand from four in the afternoon to ten in the evening. It was a fundraiser for the local teachers’ association. They did it every year, and normally she enjoyed it. But today, working there meant she might not get to see Leo, as he was spending the morning golfing with his father.
