Page 29 of Bottle Rocket
“Is it bad to say yes?”
“It’s not. I made my desire to be slapped during sex pretty clear, multiple times.”
She lightly touched his cheek. He couldn’t feel the sting any longer. “I liked it.”
There was this odd light in Rosie’s eyes. A tenderness that hurt Leo for some reason. It felt familiar, and it felt scary. Five more days. He had five days.
He’d have to say goodbye. He’d lose her. He’d known it from the moment he’d seen her in that figure-drawing class. He’d been blessed with extra time with Rosie Holiday, but he’d lose her again. It was as inevitable as the summer sun.
Too different. Too opposite. The good-girl teacher versus the bad-boy erotic artist. The nester versus the vagabond.
All the reasons this had to end were a flash point in his mind, running on repeat.
This place would never be his home. He didn’t have one. The closest approximation was when he was on the road, the wind hitting him through an open truck window, his trailer behind him. It was a million KOA campgrounds. It was the tiny workspace at the front of his trailer. It wasn’t there with Rosie, and never would be.
“Hey.” Rosie grabbed his hand. “Where did you go?
Leo stared at their interlocked fingers. He had charcoal under his fingernails. Her hand was so clean next to his. So delicate. She rubbed her thumb over the tattoo on his hand.
“Nowhere.”
She smiled, but it was sad. “I remember the pensive, distant, navel-gazing Leo. When I was eighteen, I thought it made you so interesting.”
He laughed. “But not anymore?”
She paused playfully, leaving him hanging. “You’re interesting, but I’m less apt to let you get away with brooding.”
“I was just thinking about what it’s going to be like in five days when I leave for Memphis. I’m struggling with it.”
Rosie’s fingers jerked slightly in his, but her expression didn’t flicker. “What’s happening in Memphis? I didn’t know where you were heading next.”
“There’s a leather convention there, and I’m meeting friends I haven’t seen in a while.”
“Are they the type of friend you sleep with?” she asked, her voice curious but not jealous.
“Umm. I have, yes. Doesn’t mean I will.”
Her eyes narrowed, and he felt like he was about to get disciplined. “You don’t owe me anything, Leo.”
“Huh?”
“You could go out and fuck Dean tonight, and I’d be fine with that. Well, no. I’d want to watch, so I’d be kind of pissed if you didn’t invite me. But I’m not your girlfriend. I don’t want to be. I know you, and I’m under no illusion that I’m the right person for you.”
A hot, angry ball of emotion welled up in his chest. Despite their differences, despite the reasons he knew they would never work, he couldn’t help but feel as if Rosie wasexactlythe right person for him and him for her.
“It’s not so easy for me to turn my emotions off, Rosie. I get what you’re saying, but—”
Rosie was off his lap and across the room before he finished. She yanked off her shirt—his T-shirt. She was fuming. “I am not emotionless.” She pulled her own clothes back on and faced him.
“I didn’t say you were.”
“Yes. You kind of did, Leo.” She pushed her fingers through her hair and closed her eyes. “I’m not handling this conversation well.”
The words threw him. He felt himself gearing up for a fight. He and Rosie had never fought when they were younger, but they weren’t the same people now. He was hurt that it was so easy for her to call this nothing. Even if it was nothing. Fuck.
She faced him. “I’m not emotionless. I’m not cold. I do care. I’m sorry if I did something to make you think I don’t.”
“Oh.” The ache of anger inside him imploded in a snap. “Rosie.”
