Page 39 of Candy Hearts
William wanted to sit up, but he was a mess. He was worried about getting come everywhere. A thin tremble of uneasiness went through him. Benji had left, and William wasn’t sure if Benji was washing up or if he was hiding.
“Umm, Benji?” he whispered, his voice very loud in the silent bedroom.
Benji popped his head out from the en suite bathroom. “Yeah?”
“Are we okay?” William hated how hesitant he sounded. He’d hoped getting older would make him bolder when it came to sex, but Benji made him feel young again—in the best and, also, worst ways.
“Sure.” Whatever Benji saw in William made his expression soften. “I’ll be there in a second to clean you up.”
“Okay.” William let out an unsteady breath.
Something inside him had shifted, and it wasn’t because of the very special dicking out he’d just received. His heart was pounding hard, and he was struggling not to let his emotions go flying.
He was happy and so terrified that Benji wasn’t.
Benji returned with a damp cloth and very efficiently cleaned William up. It was nice to be taken care of.
He was the master of his own closed-off universe most of the time. Wren tried to baby him occasionally, like when he was sick or stressed, but he never let her. He didn’t want to admit why he usually rejected caretaking, as well as the simple attention Benji was bestowing upon him now, but he couldn’t hide from himself forever.
It felt good.
It felt so good that he didn’t think he’d ever want to give it up. It felt like an indulgence, and he’d never allowed time in his life for indulgences. He was worried he’d come to depend on it, to need it. And fuck, but Benji was definitely going to rip this away from him one day. Soon. Like, Sunday soon.
“You okay?” Benji asked him eventually, after William curled to hide his face against Benji’s side.
William nodded.
“Who’s showing up tomorrow?” Benji asked.
“The usual crew, minus Rosie. She hasn’t come to this thing since before the divorce.”
Benji hummed. “I didn’t know Rosie and Voldemort had been regular attendees of this,” Benji said, referring to his oldest sister and her cheating ex. William happened to think Voldemort was a fairly apt assessment of Rosie’s ex, except Voldemort had more personality. “No one had ever told me anything about this party,” Benji continued. “Is it like Fight Club?”
Laughter bubbled up through William. He pressed it into Benji’s skin.
“It’s not. I figured you knew about it. This is our seventh year, I think. The third here at my house. The originals were me, Wren, Robin, Sasha, Rosie, and Avi. Tomorrow, Avi and his husband, Manuel, plus Sasha and Perry will arrive. It’ll be a full house.”
“Where will you sleep?”
William’s stomach flopped. Was that a hint? Did Benji want him to sleep elsewhere tonight?
“I planned to sleep in the sunroom,” William said, as neutrally as possible. “I have a space heater and an air mattress ready to go.”
Benji didn’t seem to have anything to say to that, but his body went spiky against William, as if he’d stopped relaxing, all elbows and knees. He sat up and unclipped the garters from his stockings and rolled the nylons down his legs gently. When he reached back to get at the hook-and-eye enclosures of the garter belt, William stopped him.
“Let me.”
“All right,” Benji said.
William kneeled behind Benji and kissed the back of his neck. “Benji,” he murmured. He slowly unclasped each fastener on the belt. “I’ll be honest, I’m feeling a bit shaky. I—”
Benji turned in his arms like a wild thing—fast and agile and fierce. Benji took the belt from William and tossed it off the bed. “You’re a big softie, huh? You take care of business in every aspect of your life but never let anyone return the favor.”
It was so close to William’s thinking earlier that he reeled back.
Benji wasn’t done. “You spoil me, but I bet my ass you’re uncomfortable getting spoiled back.”
“I certainly feel off-kilter.”
