Page 62 of We All Live Here
“Do you miss her?” Lila says, before she can stop herself.
“Who? Oh—my wife.”
“Yes.” Lila feels suddenly prurient, as if she has overstepped. But he holds her gaze long enough for her to color slightly, his head dipping while he thinks.
“I do miss her. But…” He winces. “…we had just separated before she died. So it’s complicated.”
Lila does not know what to say.
“She was an amazing woman. Everything was very passionate, very high octane. But it could be a little exhausting.”
“I know someone else who had a relationship like that,” Lila says, suddenly thinking of Jensen. “He said he sort of became acclimatized to the drama.”
“You do. But people like that also leave a huge hole. She was very vibrant. And a fantastic mother.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. My taste in women has changed now. I value something a little calmer.” He looks directly at her as he says this.
His knee is still pressed against hers so she feels emboldened. “Can I ask why you split up?”
He looks briefly uncomfortable. “She…was surprisingly insecure. I think she saw things that weren’t there, if you know what I mean. I just eventually…ran out of reassurances.”
“Oh, that’s tough.” She wants to say something about how jealous Dan had been but in truth there had been whole weeks when she was not even sure he knew she was still in the house.
“By the way, people don’t know much about all this at school. I’d appreciate it if you—”
She is just shaking her head reassuringly, in a way that suggests there is nothing she cannot keep secret, when his mobile phone rings. He looks down at the number and his face falls. He glances up at Lila. “Excuse me,” he says, “I have to take this.”
He stands as he answers it. “Hi. No, she’s not with me. I’m out.” He turns and starts weaving his way through the packed tables, turning briefly to give Lila the universal sign forI’ll only be a minute.
She sits, watching him walk out onto the pavement, where she can see him in animated discussion. He does not look happy as he walks backward and forward. At one point he takes a deep breath, as if he is trying to control himself. Finally he ends the call, takes a moment, then turns and walks back in. When he arrives at the table she is gazing at her phone, as if she is reading emails, oblivious, and she looks up, her face blank. “Everything okay?”
“I’m really sorry. I’m going to have to leave,” he says, and Lila struggles to stop herself looking crestfallen. He does not sit down again. He doesn’t elaborate further.
It takes her a beat, and then she gets up, reaching for her bag. “Oh! No problem! I should probably head home myself.”
He walks her to the tube station, suddenly distracted and quiet. The streets are still thick with people walking home from work, the road heavy with slow-moving traffic and she realizes that this is it, the end of the date. A busy tube entrance at a quarter to eight in the evening rather than a late night inching-together of bodies on a sofa. He is not going to see her special lingerie, and now she has hand-washing that she could have avoided. She feels heavy with disappointment. She stops beside the tube entrance, stepping against the wall so that the steady deluge of people feeds past them. “Well, that was nice,” she says, because she cannot think of anything else to say. She isn’t sure he’s even listening anymore.
Gabriel looks at her, suddenly intent, as if he’s just spotted her there. “Lila, it was lovely. Really lovely. You don’t know what a special person you are. I—I would have had a very different kind of day without you. I love that we got to spend some time together. You’re the one person I feel I can really talk to. You really…seem to understand what I’m dealing with.”
He takes her hand then and, as she watches, lifts her palm to his lips and, placing it over his mouth, kisses it, his eyes locked on hers. Theintimacy, the blatant sexuality of the gesture knocks her breath clean from her chest. She is about to speak, but then, with a nod, he turns and is striding down the road. She is pulled into the crowd and heading into the station, her entire body ringing like the vibrations of a giant bell.
•••
“Darling, they loveit. They’re putting together an offer and I’ll call as soon as I have it. But, my goodness, I loved it too. How absolutely thrilling. How liberated! What an utter inspiration you are!”
Lila is just walking back from the tube station when Anoushka calls. She is so locked into her memories of the last couple of hours that it takes her a moment to grasp what her agent is even talking about. “Oh!” she says, and stops on the pavement. “They really liked it?”
“Just the right amount of sexiness and naughtiness. I wastotallyin your shoes for the whole chapter. And what a dreamboat! Please tell me you’re seeing the mysterious J again.”
Lila doesn’t want to think about Jensen. She wants to think about Gabriel, the way his wrists emerge from his shirtsleeves, the floppy lock of hair that falls just in front of his glasses. She wants to think about the hot, soft pressure of his lips on her palm. She can still feel their imprint on her skin.
“Oh. No. I don’t think so. I’m—I’m sort of seeing someone else now.”
Anoushka’s voice is shrill: “Another man! Already! Oh, Lila, you really are living the dream. Is he as nice?”
“Better.” Lila can hear the smile in her voice. “He’s basically everything I want in a man.”
