Page 43 of Big Boss
The entire time, my pulse is racing and I feel like I might be sick. How could she do something like this to me?
Worse, how could I have done something like that to her?
I slip inside as soon as the doors open and hit the buttons immediately. I don’t want to see her. I don’t want her to see this look on my face.
If she really doesn’t care, then I can’t let her see how much I do. I never thought something could feel worse than being used for sex and fame or having my reputation trashed publicly by my own father, but it turns out that letting someone in and having them tell you they don’t feel the same is an entirely new low for me.
I feel so cheated. This was supposed to be the relationship that changed my life, and instead I care this deeply for someone who basically told me that I was nothing to her.
And then she said I made her feel like she was nothing to me.
I am definitely going to be sick if I don’t get some fresh air immediately.
I push through the heavy front doors of the building and suck in sharp, heavy breaths of autumn air until I can stand upright.
Already a group of people is gathering at the corner of the building, pointing at me and talking among themselves.
I look to the left, then to the right. I’ve got to get out of here.
I stride away from the building and along the sidewalk like I know where I’m going. I’ll figure something out.
I pull out my phone and dial Jackson. “I need your help.”
He sighs. “Tate, I told you not to sleep with her.”
I cut that shit off immediately—like I’m not already reciting those very words over and over inside my own head. “This isn’t about Erica. This is about you.”
Jackson stops, mid-rant. “What about me?” he asks, his voice low and cold. Ah, someone’s been spending too much time with Sebastian. Gross.
“Your attitude is the absolute worst. We all know you were miserable with Nikki. You can be sad that it’s ending and everything, but not everyone is like that evil succubus of a woman.”
The silence is heavy with the pain of it, the envy we both feel for Ethan Alexander. It’s not that we don’t want him to be happy. Obviously, we do. But Jackson and I are both struggling with jealousy too.
“Whatever. Please don’t ever mention her by name again. I’m afraid if you say it three times, she’ll appear in a puff of smoke and try to steal your immortal soul.” Jackson’s voice is a little shaky, but I take the hint and change the topic.
“I’m calling you because I need a favor.” I hate having this conversation, but this is where my life is at now. I’m calling in ridiculous requests to my best friends.
This is one of the stages of a breakup, I’m pretty sure. That and the hours spent listening to breakup music. I remember that part distinctly from the Ethan-being-a-dumbass phase before he got married to Zoe.
“What do you need? You’re not in trouble, are you?” He sounds worried. Damn it. Have I really been that unstable that even my best friends think I’m a disaster?
No wonder Erica doesn’t want anything to do with me.
“I just need to hang out for a while, is that okay? I’m having a really difficult time right now, and I need you to help me get my mind off the bad stuff.”
“Okay, we can do that. Are you at the office? You want me to come there?” He didn’t even hesitate, and this is why I consider these guys my best friends. There isn’t a single one of them who wouldn’t drop everything to help me, even if I was in trouble.
Like now, when I can’t catch my breath. Even outside, I feel like everyone is staring at me or talking about me. And not in a nice way.
“I’m outside. I need to get out of here, okay? I can’t deal with people right now.”
“Hey, Tate, I’m coming to get you. Just breathe. Go sit down and have a drink of water. Or if it’s too bad, go back upstairs to your office until I get there.”
Like hell I’m going back upstairs. Jackson wasn’t kidding about being the one to tell me not to sleep with Erica. He was the first to tell me that it would be a disaster. But I can’t deal with hearing him tell me today how right he is, either.
Not right now when I’m trying to get to the other side of this feeling. I can’t deal with anyone else hurting me.
And I can’t even think about the possibility of having to face Erica right now. Absolutely not. I’d rather pass out on the sidewalk and deal with that fallout than have to look her in the eyes while she tells me how little us making love meant to her.
