Page 51 of Big Balls
But he says my name and I have to open my eyes to look at him, and that’s when he licks his fingers. “Delicious,” he purrs, and it’s almost enough for me to come yet again because of the way he’s got me so keyed up.
“Oh Ethan,” I cry out, and he slides his fingers back inside to the exact right spot just as his mouth finds my clit.
Everything inside me detonates, and I let out a deep, wordless cry as something inside me shakes loose.
He soothes my frantically shaking hips with the barest of touches from his hands. “I know, baby. I know.”
He waits patiently until I calm down enough to meet his gaze. “But we’re just getting started, Zoe.”
The night stretches out before us, heavy with possibilities.
17
Ethan
I needto call my parents so they can say goodbye to Katy before she leaves. Meanwhile, I have to pretend like I am not being eaten alive from the inside out from the pain of losing Zoe.
But I did this to myself. I deserve every single moment of suffering that I’m reaping from this situation that I personally made happen.
She told me that her flight leaves tonight, and I haven’t been able to get up the nerve to try to call her or see her again. She left quietly while I was still asleep. I woke up when I reached for her and got an empty, cold bed instead.
It hurt, not being able to wake up next to her, but this is the life I’ve chosen for myself, and I’m going to stick with my choices, even when they are uncomfortable.
I’ve wanted to call her or text her, but what would I say exactly? I already begged her to come back to my bed, and although she said yes, she also made it clear that it was a one-time-only event. I understand, definitely, but it still hurts like a toothache.
Tomorrow I’m leaving to take Katy to her new school. That means I have to tell my friends tonight, and I harbor no illusions about how that’s going to go.
My parents are another set of people I have avoided discussing the Orthwein decision with, much like my poker buddies. And if you’re thinking that I don’t recognize the red flags in this situation, then you’re wrong.
I am not stupid, but I am desperate and basically out of options. I’d even called and asked Sebastian to choose one of the other nannies, and he’d laughed at me.
“Why? So you can get some elderly woman with a blue rinse on her hair and a pocket full of those big peppermints that you hate?” He paused, almost as if he was savoring the mental image. “Not a chance. You’re the only one who can fix this now.”
And then he’d hung up on me, because Sebastian Davenport III doesn’t have any manners.
So here I am, staring at my phone and preparing to make my usual weekend call to my mom. It has been hard not seeing her. She’s a big part of my life, and I missed having her around to talk to.
She’d been the main reason I hadn’t simply collapsed when Lisa died, and she’d helped keep me upright and functional ever since.
“Thanny,” she chirps when she answers the phone.
Thank goodness. Her voice is light and cheerful, and she sounds more energetic than I’d heard from her in a long while.
“Hi, Mom,” I felt better just from hearing her voice.
“How are you? How’s my baby?” My mom is the cutest. She always gets so enthusiastic that her words start tumbling out all at once, spilling all over each other like Legos.
“I’ll get her for you. Just a minute.” I cover the phone and call my daughter.
She comes down the stairs like she’s headed for a funeral. Her entire face is flat, and she’s not even pretending like she wants to be in my presence.
“It’s Nana.” I waggle the phone at her. “Want to talk to her?”
My daughter makes a noise of disgust that she definitely learned from me and then takes the phone.
“Hi,” she says, and then when she hears my mom’s voice, her entire body thaws immediately.
My daughter gives me a baleful look and then takes my phone off to the living room to curl up and talk to her Nana.
