Page 34 of Big Balls
My mouth goes dry at the suggestion of Ethan Alexander taking care of my needs. And stupidly, I find myself nodding.
“Okay, but just for tonight.” I point toward Ethan with a frown. “We can figure out everything else later.”
Katy cheers and snuggles into her daddy’s neck. With a deeply satisfied smile, he sends a few texts on his phone, presumably to order me a change of clothing and a few overnight necessities.
His eyes lift and meet mine again, and if it weren’t for the little girl in his arms, I would probably panic and run.
“Well then, let’s go have some goodnight kisses and get people tucked into bed.”
11
Ethan
It’sthe third book we’ve read to Katy, nestled together in her bed with the hot pink blanket on it, our heads nearly touching. I can feel the mattress shift when Zoe moves to sit up, and I know I’m in trouble.
I lean in and kiss my daughter, once on the forehead and once on her cheek. “Goodnight, hot dog.”
She cuddles into her bed in a sea of stuffed animals, most of whom were at the pretend wedding between me and Zoe. “Good night, ketchup,” she sings out.
I glance over at Zoe, who is almost at the doorway, and flash her a smile. This is my favorite thing to do with my little girl, even though it’s silly. Maybe because it’s silly. “Good night, mustard,” I murmur as I ruffle Katy’s hair and then head toward the door.
“Good night, pickle, radish, sauerkraut, mayonnaise, and barbeque sauce.” I close the door to her room, a laugh threatening to escape. Where does my kid even come up with this weird stuff?
“Good night, baby,” I call to my favorite person in the world.
“Good night, onion,” she calls out loudly, so the sound carries through her closed door.
I reach for Zoe’s hand, and I lead her down the hallway to the guest room. I’d like to be cool about this, but I’m holding her hand and all I can think about is how soft and warm her skin feels.
I wonder if all of her feels like this. I’m dying to slip all of her clothing off and find out.
We stop abruptly at the door to the guest room, and I open the knob with the hand that isn’t holding onto Zoe. The door opens to a large room with a king-sized bed in it.
I do my best not to stare at the large bed, but both the bedding and curtains in here are a dark golden color, and I take a moment to imagine the way Zoe’s hair would look spread out against the bedspread.
But in my imagination, she’s face down with her mouth open, gasping in pleasure, and I make her look me in the eyes when she comes.
I let go of her hand and turn to face her, my body close to hers, but not close enough.
I never imagined finding someone who loves Katy as much as I do, but I’m standing next to her in the hallway of her bedroom, at least for tonight.
“That thing with your daughter, do you do that every night?” she asks.
I smile. “I know it’s a little weird, but it’s our special thing.” I force myself to take a step away from Zoe. She’s made it completely clear that she’s uninterested in me romantically, and I need for her to understand that I respect her decision.
If all I can have with her are these moments with her and Katy that feel more like family than anything I’ve experienced in a very long time then I’ll take that gladly.
But what if I’m not imagining this feeling between us? What would it be like if I got to kiss her?
“Okay,” I say, swinging my arms for a moment. “I’ll bring you the clothes and the toothbrush when it arrives.”
She smiles and looks down. “You didn’t need to do that. I could have just slept in my clothes for tonight.”
I lick my lips, thinking about Zoe and her clothes. All of them, including the ones I can’t see.
“But you don’t have to,” I say to her, watching to see her reaction. “You don’t have to wear your clothes to sleep.”
Her mouth drops open, and I worry that I’ve pushed it too far with her and she’s going to lose her temper and leave. For good this time.
