Page 27 of Big Balls
“I’m on your side,” Dad says, “but you can’t think that Katy needs you more than she needs him.”
I glare at him. “I didn’t say that.”
“You don’t have to. I know you mean well, Butter Brickle, but I don’t think it’s going to end well if you storm over there tonight and make a scene about how much better you are at taking care of his daughter than he is.”
I nod, my eyes flicking to the movement of the Sinners in their red and black uniforms. “You’re right.” I can see Big Balls’ jersey, sticking out like a homing beacon. A cluster of the opposing team’s defensive players surrounds him, but he’s unstoppable.
The man doesn’t even understand what the word impossible means. But I’m going to be the one to show him. I’m not going to let him smother Katy’s newfound independence with his overwhelming desire to keep her safe at all costs.
She needs me. And I’m going to be there for her, whether her father wants me around or not. “I’ll have to wait until the morning.”
9
Ethan
Three daysafter Katy comes home from the hospital, I am already drowning. I’m worse at this than I was before Zoe. And it’s difficult to tell whether the real problem is Katy or me.
Katy’s hot pink cast is a glaringly obvious sign of my failure. My entire job in life is to keep her safe, and yet I was thousands of miles away, not doing anything to protect her. Every single time I glance at the garish sign of her injury, shame burns my throat.
Katy, sensing weakness, is milking the situation for all it’s worth. “Can you please get me a glass of water?” She bats her eyelashes and tilts her head just so. “I’d get it myself, but you see—”
I stop midway toward the sink, my hand wrapped around a little glass with a cute white goose drawn on the side. My eyes narrow as I pivot toward her.
“You’re not even left handed.” I glance at her skeptically.
“Daddy, maybe it’s time for Miss Zoe to come back. Clearly you can’t do it all by yourself.” Her face lights up with a very self-satisfied smile, and she leans back in her chair looking beyond smug.
I shake my head slowly. “Oh no, you don’t.” I move toward her and set the glass on the counter right in front of where she’s sitting with her arms folded behind her head.
As I approach, she sits up and puts her hands back in her lap. But she’s still wearing a little smile that tells me she thinks she has me handled.
Let’s face it—she does have me handled. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to let my kid win sometimes. I really like it when I can let her make choices. But this is my choice as her father. Whether she hates it or not, it’s still my decision to make.
“Daddy,” she whines, her pout visible in every extra second the word stretches out. Clearly she’s reading my facial expression.
If I weren’t so irritated right now, I’d be hugging her for joy. It’s only recently that she’s been able to figure out what a person is feeling based on their facial expressions. And I know it’s only people she knows well and some of the time, but I’m really proud of her.
Her life is going to be so much easier as she gets better at that skill. I didn’t even know if she could do it ever, at least not until Zoe came here.
Zoe. My face sharpens at the thought of her.
And when my skepticism turns into a glower, Katy’s lower lip starts to tremble and her face crumples as she starts to wail. Great, heaving sobs shake her shoulders.
Oh crap. I can’t imagine why she’s having a meltdown right now. “Hey,” I murmur as I wrap her up in a warm hug.
I shush her by gently rocking her and calling her name. “You’re okay. Nothing bad happened, right? If something bad happened, you would tell me.”
She sniffles and nods against my chest as I kiss her on top of her head. “It’s going to be okay, Katydid.”
She hiccups, her wracking sobs slowing at last. Then she shakes her head and my heart breaks.
“It’s not going to be okay,” she sniffles, then wipes her nose on the shoulder of my shirt. “Wipe away my little tears and leave me by myself.”
I hug her closer, the little pinch in my chest sharpening to a knifelike stabbing sensation. “We’ll find you the best nanny ever. One who is very smart and fun and extremely safe.”
At that, Katy pulls away and wriggles out of my grip. “We already found the best nanny ever. But you were mean to her and made her go away.”
I let out a long breath. “Katy, someday when you’re a grown-up, you’ll understand—”
