Page 53 of Last First Date
"I think it was the red thong that helped us make the real love connection."
Lily chokes. "I'm sorry, but I could have sworn you just said a red thong."
I nod, keeping my face as serious as possible. "The guys thought it would be funny if they brought me that to wear instead of my turn out gear. But just one look at my package, and Darcy was hooked."
She elbows me hard this time, and I know it's definitely going to leave a bruise. "It definitely wasn't that. If you think about it, I asked for your help to ask out somebody else. So, no, boy genius. It wasn't that log you're smuggling around in your pants."
I stand up and shrug. "Well, whatever. I know how you really feel about me and my body.”Then I run my hands down my chest and thrust my crotch at her face level a few times.
I lean out of the way before she can hit me in the dick though. I’ve learned that one the hard way.
My eyes meet Lily's again. "What else do you need to finish the shoot?" I pause. "Hey, wait a minute. If you're the photographer who's shooting the hot firefighters and puppies calendar, then what's Aunt Opal doing here?"
Darcy shrugs. "I think she heard about the half-naked hot firefighter photoshoot and invited herself."
"You've got to be kidding me." I look over to where she's videotaping Daniels, who's rolling his hips directly at her camera. Gross. No wonder he can't get a woman to look twice at him. I swear he does this on purpose, driving women away by being as over the top as possible.
"Should I tell him?" I'm sure my feelings are clear in my voice because both of the women with me laugh their faces off.
Darcy recovers first. "Definitely not. This is fucking hysterical and if you mess this up, I swear you're cut off."
Lily's wiping the tears from her eyes. "Who is that hot mess of a man anyway?"
Darcy's glance flicks from Lily to Daniels and then back again. "That's Daniels, our resident bachelor. He's supposedly Abernathy's best friend."
I scoff. "He is not."
Darcy stands up and puts one hand on her curvy hip. "Oh yeah? Well who do you think is your best friend then?"
I tilt my head toward her. "Duh, Darcy. It's obviously you."
"Oh," she says. I can see when the fight goes out of her and she shifts back into the soft, happy girlfriend that I love to call my own. "Way to win an argument, Abernathy. Maybe you should go into politics after all."
I grin at her. “There’s only one type of campaign I’m interested in winning, and it involves your heart.”
Both the women roll their eyes at me, and Darcy puts her hand up to ward off my mushy words. “Really Abernathy? That’s the worst line I’ve ever heard from you. Come on, even Daniels can do better than that.”
At the sound of his name, Daniels comes strutting over and gives Lily a lingering look that should come with a warning label attached to it. “What am I better at than the rookie? I mean, besides everything.”
Daniels flexes and then kisses one of his biceps. Nope. He’ll die alone, no doubt.
Aunt Opal comes over with her camcorder in hand. “Young man, can you please do that kissing yourself move one more time? It’s for charity, you see.”
I smirk. “Is that the Here Kitty, Kitty charity that you’re running?”
Daniels looks from me to Aunt Opal, and I watch the realization pour over his face. “Are you serious with this? Don’t tell me you’ve been videotaping us for fun.”
She sighs and turns off the camera. “Okay, I won’t tell you.” She shakes her head at me. “You always know how to ruin a good time, don’t you?”
Then her eyes fix on the photographer. “Ah, Lily. Surely you’ve seen a handsome firefighter or two here that might work for you.”
“Oh no, Aunt Opal, I’m really not in the market for that kind of thing.” She flushes and worries her hands around the various buttons of her camera. A quick series of flashes goes off and the little group of us are half-blinded in the aftermath.
“Don’t you worry, sweetie. I’m the best matchmaker in the entire town of Valentine, and I’ll help you find the man of your dreams. Why I was the first one to match up Darcy and our Abernathy here by calling them up to come over to my place.”
Aunt Opal reaches over and pats my hand, even though her words clearly aren’t for me. She clears her throat primly. “But Lily, has anyone ever told you what large hands you have?”
“What? No.” I can practically hear the poor girl blushing. But who can even tell if she has big hands after that assault on our eyes?
