Page 46 of Last First Date
Her dark eyes fix on me, pinning me into place. "What exactly are you proposing to the fine gentlemen of the central station, Abernathy?" She crosses her arms in front of me and gives me a look that should shrivel my balls right off.
I clear my throat. Here we go. "Well, I run this charity."
She nods. "First Impressions. It helps kids in foster care or who are living in poverty get academic tutoring and other life mentorship they need to succeed."
I swallow hard. How does she know that? I'm sure we've never talked about it, and it's a cause that's near and dear to me but not exactly the pillow talk that we chose on the one scorchingly hot night we had together. I finally remember to nod.
"Yeah, well the organization really needs some funding. I figure the guys all had a good time with the silly dance contest we had here the other day. Maybe we could organize something here, like a hot firefighter dance-off."
She taps the toe of her work boot, like I'm in trouble again. Well, shit. "A hot firefighter dance-off? Are these kids really worth it to you?"
The guys are watching our back and forth conversation like we're at a tennis match. Now their sharp eyes flick to me, waiting for my response.
"You're damn right they are. Look, I was one of those kids. I grew up rough. Not like a little bit lean, but actually in the bad part of town, people getting shot in my neighborhood, never enough to eat, and the utilities weren't always turned on."
I refuse to look at the men I work with. I don't know how many people in Valentine know about my beginnings, but they all will by noon tomorrow. That's how small towns work.
I shake off my nerves. This isn't the time to back down from a challenge, and I’m not going to be embarrassed about who I am, any of it. "I grew up needing someone to look up to. And I didn't have it, but I swear I'm going to do everything in my power to help every single kid I can have a better shot at it than me."
Daniels gives me a bro hug, that one-armed specialty that keeps our bodies carefully separated. "Didn't know, man. Sorry for busting your balls."
I meet his gaze. "I don't exactly advertise it. I worked damn hard to prove that I could be in that fast crowd with the expensive suits and whatever. Just like I've busted my ass to prove that I'm a good firefighter here. I've got what it takes, and what I don't already know, I'll do everything I need to do in order to learn."
Darcy clears her throat this time, a distinct shimmer in her eyes. "You're doing fine, rookie. We all know how hard you work, and that you're a team player kind of guy. You’re a good man, Abernathy."
I shake my head. "Look, you don't have to dress it up. I know I'm not the kind of man you want in your life. I'm definitely not the kind your fancy mother wants for you. But damn it, I’m trying to be a good man. And no matter how rough it is to hear it, I can’t stop thinking about you."
The words are spilling out now. Might as well put it all out there and see what happens. “Darcy, I think I’m in love with you.”
Beside me, Daniels stiffens, then claps his hands loudly and makes a shooing motion toward the door of the lounge. "Okay guys, show's over. Let's let these two have their private discussion in actual private."
He shoves me with his elbow and then taps his nose with one finger. "We'll talk about this later," he whispers, far too loudly. I swear, every single person in Indiana can hear him, but he manages to gather up the guys and they all shove their way out the door.
Until I'm left in the lounge with Darcy, alone. I can't stop staring at her, the beautiful shape of her mouth and her dark eyes. Well, maybe she was distracted by my big confession about coming up out of poverty and she missed my declaration of feelings for her.
Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times, like she's swallowing whatever words are threatening to pop out."Did you just say that you love me?"
Well, shit. Better just to own this and get the bleeding over with. "Look, you don't have to hash it out with me or anything. I know how important it is to you to be with the kind of man that your mother approves of, and that isn't me. But I would regret it for the rest of my life if I wasn't man enough to tell you that you matter more to me than any amount of money, than any of those trappings of success that I’ve worked so hard for all my life."
I pause and take a deep breath. "I can't help loving you Darcy. You're so damn smart, and so good at everything you do. You're tough and you're good at heart, and I'm lucky to know you, let alone that you let me be close to you, even if it was only for a little while."
She's already shaking her head. This is even worse than I'd imagined. She's probably going to fire me on the spot in addition to burning down my dreams of her possibly even liking me for who I really am.
"Thomas Abernathy, you are a fucking asshole." Her eyes are wet and she's crying for some reason, and the only thing I can do is take her in my arms and smooth her hair beneath my fingers.
It kills me that I've hurt her. I've always known I'm not good enough for her, but she's taking this whole thing way too hard and it's painful to see her crying over what I've said. I’ve never seen her cry. She explained the whole thing with her first station and her adopted cat, and I figured that she just shut down her feelings at work after that.
"I'm sorry," I murmur to her. "So sorry, baby."
She curls up next to my chest, and I know I'm the worst person in the world because it feels so good to hold her close to me. She fits against me exactly right, her head tucked in next to me, and I'm pressed up close to her, smelling her hair like the pathetic man I am.
She finally lifts her face to me. "Isn't this the part where you kiss me, boy genius?" Her voice is rough, probably left over from the tears staining her cheeks.
I shake my head. "I'm not going to kiss you. I know you made your choice and I respect that. Even if I think he doesn’t deserve you, I would never treat you that way." I sigh and all the unhappiness that's been weighing me down sinks back into my bones as I pull away from her, putting some distance between us.
It honestly feels like I'm ripping out my own heart, leaving it bleeding and thumping painfully on the ground between us.
"Do you honestly think Hesse Kotner doesn’t deserve me?" She sniffles and scrubs at her face with the back of one hand.
