Page 23 of Last First Date
“Smile, probie. I’m putting this on YouTube,” calls out Krantz, the traitor. Ugh, another prank. I shrug it off and wave good naturedly at Krantz’s phone where he’s apparently been filming this entire debacle.
Cripes. As if it weren’t already embarrassing enough, there’s Darcy, posted up with the others and giving me a slow clap. “You know you can’t push start a K12, right? Lucky that wasn’t on your seven-month test, rookie.”
The men guffaw, and Bigs—a five-foot-two man with a three-inch pompadour—practically falls over on the ground from laughing so hard.
“Good effort though,” says Daniels, patting me on the shoulder. Well now I’m sweaty, tired, and managed to look like a complete idiot in front of the entire station. And I still have another seven hours to go in this shift.
Oh, and the woman who is the ongoing source of my inconvenient boners and extremely unreasonable jealousy is here for some kind of stupid dancing lessons of all things. I move closer to her until we are almost close enough to touch.
“You here for me, Lieutenant?” I know she must feel the heat between us because her nostrils flare. And I don’t know what the fuck she did to her hair, but it twists and winds down her neck and back in a series of loops and curls that I feel I have been divinely called upon to muss up.
But she gives me a flat, tight smile. “You’d better hit the showers and cool off, Abernathy. You stink.”
The guys crack up again, and eventually settle down enough to gradually disperse back inside. I follow along behind them, smiling at the bunch of them because I’m the kind of guy who can take a joke. Or at least I’m going to act like I am here and now.
Because otherwise I’m the guy who is salty about another stupid prank, or worse—I’m the guy mooning around after his lieutenant, and that’s beyond pathetic. Especially when she doesn’t even think about me like I’m an actual human being.
Well, she can think whatever bad things she wants to about me. I’m going to rub one out in the shower to my impure thoughts of her anyway. So I probably deserve it.
Her shiny, shampoo commercial hair smelled like the beach, and I wasn’t even close enough to get the fragrance of the rest of her. But I want to be.
I want to get as close as I can to her and then run my mouth and lips and nose all over every single inch of her until she melts and begs me for mercy. I want to hear my name falling from her lips, followed by my other favorite words—please, yes, and harder.
And there goes the awkward boner again, just in time for me to go stroke it in the showers and then come out and pretend like everything is fine. This is the man I’ve become now. The creepy rub one out in the shower guy.
I’m such a mess. I swear I was better at my life when I was just a soulless lawyer who ate babies for breakfast and pussy after midnight.
After a quick jerk off and shower, I put on a clean uniform and head out to the lounge where Darcy is sitting around with the guys telling dirty jokes. I love that she has a filthy mouth and a naughty sense of humor. At least she does here, when she’s in the place that she really belongs.
Bigs swaggers right up next to me even though he’s a full foot shorter than I am and gives me a shit-eating grin. “Maybe you better go get the hose straightener for us, rookie,” he calls out loudly enough for the other guys to hear.
“Nah. The only hose straightener around here is your mama, Bigs. But she’s probably all tired out after Daniels went to visit her earlier. Maybe another time.”
The guys elbow each other and hoot and Darcy gives me a look that might mean I’m in trouble. Well hell. I’m always a little bit in trouble with her. Might as well enjoy it.
“Anyway Bigs, I’m supposed to be giving dancing lessons to our Lieutenant. She came by just to see my moves.” I thrust my hips a couple of times extra suggestively, Magic Mike style, in case anyone in the station somehow missed the point.
Bigs coughs out a laugh, his eyes flashing from me to Darcy and back again. “For real?”
The silence is deafening. I shrug, keeping it as casual as I can. “I told her I was the best man for the job, but maybe we should have a little contest and see who the best dancer here is.”
Daniels slaps the edge of the couch and lets out a wolf whistle. “I’m in, you son of a bitch. And I can’t wait to show you up.”
Several of the other guys get all fired up about the dance competition, and then somehow there’s a betting pool going.
Darcy’s eyes sparkle as she slaps down a twenty. “My money’s on Abernathy.”
I meet her eyes. “I love a smart woman. There’s nothing hotter than a great big set of brains on a beautiful lady.”
Daniels snorts. “I didn’t think that was the big set that you were most interested in, rookie.”
I cut my eyes over to where he’s already stripping his shirt off for the dance competition. “Well, your mama has a big set of false teeth, but I prefer her without ‘em.”
I make a thrusting gesture with my hips again, in case anyone around us missed what I’m implying about Mrs. Daniels and her choice of recreational activities.
The crowd of guys makes that “oooh” sound and I know I’ve scored another point.
“Kiss my ass, Abernathy.” Daniels flexes his bare arms, showing off an impressive set of muscles that are even bigger than mine. “And quit talking shit about my mama. Just because yours likes me better than she likes your daddy doesn’t mean shit.”
