Page 79 of Royals
“Do you always ditch the bodyguards?”
El flashes a grin, surprising me. The biggest disaster of my trip so far, and she’ssmilingat me?
“Whenever I can,” she confesses, and I find myself smiling back.
We don’t say much more as we continue to make our way up, and there’s a fine sheen of sweat on my skin that cools rapidly in the wind. My hair is blowing all over the place, and as we go to sit down on a grassy flat space, El pulls an extra ponytail holder out of her pocket and hands it to me.
I thank her, wrangle my hair, and we sit. Nearby, there’s a guy on a chair playing a cello, and I stare at him, wondering how he managed to haul that thing up here.
Ellie doesn’t turn around but clearly knows what I’m looking at. “He’s here a lot,” she says. “It’s nice.”
The musicisnice. It’s also nice to sit here with my sister, just the two of us. We’re quiet, the wind blowing our ponytails, rippling through the grass, filling up all the silent space between us.
“I’m sorry,” Ellie says finally, and I turn to her, surprised.
“What?”
She’s not looking at me, her gaze focused below us. I wonder what she’s thinking, if she’s looking at the city and thinking how pretty the view is, or imagining a day when she’ll be queen of this country.
“I’ve asked you to do so much, Dais,” she says on a sigh.“Go here, go there, don’t do this, don’t do that. Don’t spend time with Seb’s friends, butnowspend time with Seb’s friend because it’ll make the queen happy, and that’s all I care about these days.”
She turns to me then, golden ponytail brushing her shoulder. “I’ve been the worst big sister ever. I’m very aware of that.”
“I saw a thing on the true crime channel about a girl who tried to kill her younger sister with a blender,” I tell her, shrugging. “You have competition, is my point.”
El laughs at that, and then, shocking me, she leans over and rests her head on my shoulder. “It’s all just so mad. I love Alex so much. I do.”
“I know you do,” I tell her, laying my cheek on her sun-warmed hair.
“But everything that comes with him scares the shit out of me,” she says. “And I feel like two different people all the time. Maybe even three. I want to be your sister, and Mom and Dad’s daughter, and just...me. But I want to be Alex’s wife, too. And being Alex’s wife means being a princess.”
“A duchess, technically, settle down.”
She laughs again, then lifts her head to look at me. I can’t see her eyes behind her glasses, but I feel her gaze on me.
“I’m trying so hard to be everything to everyone that I feel like I’m actually screwing it up. I haven’t been a good sister to you, I basically told Mom and Dad they embarrass me, and Alex...” She heaves a sigh. “I didn’t tell him about Seb because I thought it would upset him.”
“With good reason,” I remind her. “Alex punched Seb in the face.”
A sudden smile splits her face. “He did, didn’t he? So unlike Alex,” she muses, turning her gaze back to the city. “It was hot.”
“Okay, gross,” I laugh, nudging her with my elbow.
She nudges back, and a brief silence falls again. I wonder if we’re done when she says, “I have to do this. Be this. And for me, the gains outweigh the losses. But you didn’t choose this, Dais, and I never should’ve made you play along with any of it. I have Glynnis for that, and the Flisses and the Poppys of the world, but I just... I want you to be you. Ilikeyou. And I’ve missed you, Daisy.”
It’s not the most eloquent of speeches, but it still makes my throat go tight, and I nearly shove her with a “Shut up” just to shove down any inconvenient sisterly feelings.
Instead, I put my arm around her. “I love you, El,” I tell her, and she gives a slightly watery laugh.
“Now who’s being gross?”
But she puts her arm around my waist, and we sit up there on top of the world, watching the city for a long time.
•••
When we get back to the palace, Alex is waiting for us, his face relaxing in a grin when he sees Ellie, and honestly, I’m not even that grossed out when they kiss. I’m just relieved.
When they part, Alex turns to me and reaches out to ruffle my hair. “At least we made your last week here an exciting one,” he says, and I smile back, stepping back from his hand.
