Page 80 of Games We Play
Those chills now rippling down Sloan’s spine had nothing to do with the ice she melted. It was the memories eating her alive.
“He agreed that our marriage was over. He acted like it was becauseIbroke his trust, but I refused to listen to that. I merely clung to the promise that we would live separate lives, including having new lovers, while keeping the business together. We’d also stay married because of the tax breaks.” Sloan rubbed her forehead. Tension headaches were about to get her soon. “Another way to keep controlling me, though it was ‘over.’”
“Is that when you started dating women again?”
“Yes. Almost right way I hired a woman to have sex with me. I treated it as a palate cleanser. What I didn’t know was that I wasn’t ready. I instantly treated her like I wanted to treat my husband.”
Leah gasped.
“I didn’t hurt her or do anything she didn’t agree to, okay? But I had no idea I was going back to my old habits, only now tying her up didn’t mean a fun, hot time. It meant living out what my husband had done to me for so many years. I was…” She thought of her therapist, an older woman who had too much experience dealing with women like Sloan.She’s why I fly to New York once a month, right? Just to talk to her ass.“I was processing, okay? All sex has been nothing but that ever since.”
Leah continued to massage her wrists. “So everything we’ve done together… you were…”
“It’s not like that. Not entirely, I guess.”
Leah leaped up from the couch. “You were using me to work out your issues with your husband?”
“No!” Sloan stood, her hand shooting for Leah’s. “Didn’t you hear me? It wasn’t like that at all. Okay… maybe in the beginning…”
Leah pulled her hand back. “I trusted you,” she screeched, that all-too-familiar look of a woman realizing she’s in way over her head crowning her countenance. “You were the first person I felt confidant enough to say all that stuff about myself to… I thought that we had a real thing going on here… I thought you were my dream come true.”
Sloan didn’t try to touch her again. What was the point? She knew first-hand that it would only drive Leah further away. “I’m sorry. I never intended for us to be anything more than a casual fling.”This is why I don’t date. This is what I don’t have girlfriends. I can’t. It’s too dangerous.
I’ll hurt them.
Whether in the bedroom or in their hearts, Sloan was destined to destroy every woman who crossed her path. Distance was an absolute necessity. Some women could be trusted for the occasional hookup and nothing more, but a real relationship, like the one she courted with Leah? It would bring about the end of them both.
“Last night I said that I loved you… now I know that it was a joke to you.”
“Please, don’t do that.”
“Do what? Say the truth?” Leah was either on the verge of sobbing, or she was about to slap Sloan across the face. Perhaps both.I wouldn’t put it past her. Nor would I blame her.“You knew how naïve I was. You knew how much I wanted to explore the kind of relationship I wanted… and you… you had all of that baggage and never once thought it might be abad ideato take out your marital frustrations on me?”
“I never thought of it like that.” In truth, Sloan hadn’t realized what she was doing with Leah until now.If I even am doing that with her. What do I know right now? Nothing. I fucking know nothing.“As far as I’m concerned, I’m divorced from that man. He’s my ex. I’m free to pursue any relationship I want.”
“Trust me, Margaret.” That was the first time Leah said Sloan’s first name. It was also the first time in a long while she heard thewholething. Not Maggie. Not Mags.Margaret.“I know all about living with the thing that traumatizes you the most. You’re never free.”
What was she talking about? Sloan would have brushed it off as Leah simply expressing her anger, but there was something familiar in that grate in her voice.It’s the same as mine. Whenever I talk about Aaron, it’s what happens to my voice.
What in the world had happened to Leah?
Sloan gently took Leah’s hand and brought her close. Tears now fell from Leah’s eyes. “You’re right. Which is why I’m trying to get this fixed.”
She kissed Leah’s cheek. When she didn’t reject her, Sloan went for the lips. The kiss lasted for exactly two seconds before Leah shoved her away.
“I think I should go home,” Leah announced, that grate still in her voice. “This is clearly not going to work out.”
The numb sensation of dealing with someone who didn’t want to be with her already touched Sloan’s subconscious. Nodding, she pragmatically said, “I can arrange for you to fly home later this afternoon. Keep whatever I’ve given you. Do whatever you want with…” She glanced at the bracelet on Leah’s wrist.
The bracelet was soon in Sloan’s hand.
“I don’t want your leftovers. It’s your problem to deal with, so you should keep those reminders. Don’t pawn them off on me.”
Sloan swallowed hard enough to choke the pit of her throat. “You’re right. It’s my problem to deal with. I’ll take care of it.”
Leah turned away from her. A part of Sloan knew that these were the final seconds of their relationship, but another part of her said,“Fuck that. Get her back right now.”
As Sloan had learned about herself over the years, however, she was not good at immediately responding to what her gut told her.
