Page 71 of Games We Play
I’m not like him.Sloan finally looked down. She had to immediately look away again, because she was not prepared to meet Leah’s reverent gaze.I’m not like him at all.He wouldn’t have broken eye contact so easily. He would have reveled in it. Lorded it over the woman doing this to him…for him.
C’mon, it’s not like you didn’t like it too.Sloan thought she had liked it. She had more than a few moments in her life when she looked into her lover’s eyes and felt the irresistible urge to doanything,even if it brought her nothing but physical discomfort. That was love, right? Giving, giving, giving. When the well of giving dried up, it was time to move on.
Leah was eager to give. Way too eager.
This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have egged her on. This wasn’t what I had in mind when I got dressed tonight.Anxiety consumed her in lust’s stead. Sloan wrapped her hand around Leah’s hair, but it wasn’t to bring her closer. Nor was it to yank her away in a single, violent movement that declared this night over.
It was protective. Because Sloan knew what this moment felt like on Leah’s end, and she would do everything to keep her happy and full of that need to give.
I have to give, too. That’s what keeps the balance.That was what Sloan had missed in her last relationship: balance.
Over dinner, Leah had talked about the book she bought. Sloan had only half-listened as she checked out her girlfriend’s body in this dress and fantasized about getting her back to the private apartment for a long night of sexual revelry. But the few things she heard included strong communication and an insurmountable bond between partners. Which sounded great in theory.
Yet was it possible in practice?I barely know this woman.For example, some women were naturally submissive, yes, but Sloan’s experience told her that nurture had as much to do with it as nature when it came to creating women like Leah. What had happened in her past to bring her to this moment? What injected this scenario into her head? When presented with what her girlfriend kept in her pants, Leah’s first inclination wasn’t to find the nearest bed and ride Sloan until the dawn broke – it was to get on her knees in a restaurant bathroom andserve.
This was wrong.
The room spun. There Leah was, like a frilly Victorian doll, the pinnacle of sweet femininity and everything Sloan no longer was. The association was too real. Too recent. This could’ve been her ten years ago.Remember that white dress? Remember how hot it was when you acted like suuuuch a bad girl in the kind of dress you hadn’t worn since you were a kid?
This. Was.Wrong.
“Stop.” Sloan didn’t mean to sound so stern, but the crack in her voice helped to offset any surprise Leah may have felt. “Sorry. I mean… we need to get out of here, princess.”
She helped Leah up. Her no-smudge lipstick was a little off – how into it had she been? “You didn’t like it…”
Sloan had to be careful. One wrong move, one false word, and she risked ruining these supposedly intimate moments forever. Not only for her, but for a woman who had no idea what she was getting herself into.
“I like everything we do together.” Sloan tightened her grip on her girlfriend’s shoulders. Soft lace burned into her palms. “And I like it when you take initiative with your desires.”
A small smile returned to Leah’s lips, although her hands continued to wring. “I’m glad to hear it. Are we… okay?”
Damnit. Was she catching on to Sloan’s mood? She would have to work overtime to make sure Leah continued to have a pleasant evening. “We’re more than okay. Even better once we have some cake.”
She gave Leah a sweet kiss for good measure, but nothing was sweeter than returning to their table and abandoning the onus of a complicated relationship and how it unfolded in private. Even taking their relationship to the public sphere, where that reporter continued to jot down notes about the couples around him, was better than Sloan having to face the shit always going on in the back of her head.
Besides… once they werereallyalone, she would get what she wanted. She simply didn’t know until now what that was.
Chapter 23
Leah second guessed everything she did from the time they sat back down at the table until they arrived at Sloan’s spare apartment an hour later.
I screwed up, didn’t I?Leah had never seen Sloan react like that before.I thought she’d be so into it.God knew Leah had been. From the moment she concocted the idea, she was nothing but excitement. Why wouldn’t Sloan want to indulge in that kind of scene?
Yet no matter how much Sloan insisted that Leah hadn’t done anything bad, she couldn’t help but feel responsible for the change in mood. How could they go from celebrating their agreement to be exclusive, to sitting farther apart than ever? Sloan attempted to engage in conversation, both flirtatious and practical, but she was still a million miles away. Leah would need a rocket to reach her before the end of the night.
Or she could simply step into the apartment, which had been romantically decorated for their Valentine’s Day meetup. Leah was taken aback to find soft mood lighting, rose petals leading from the doorway to the bedroom, and an assortment of white candles ready to be ignited. Sloan grabbed her lighter from her purse and began lighting the candles before Leah had the chance to appreciate the forethought.Correction – forethought that’s not kinky in nature.Maybe they really had graduated from being nothing but fuck buddies to genuine girlfriends. “Have a seat.” Sloan motioned to the couch in the small living room. The curtains had been left open wide enough to offer a stimulating view of the Chicago skyline. Leah sat on the edge of the couch, her attention caught on the twinkling lights of office buildings and families settling into their high-rise homes. Sloan joined her, wig off and shoes on the floor.
“We should talk about what happened earlier.”
Lightning cracked across Leah’s shoulders. “Sure,” she squeaked.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I was… look, I’m not used to being with someone who wants to do those things with me. Sometimes I have to remind myself that you’re the real deal.”
Leah nodded. “Sometimes I must remind myself that you don’t think I’m a freak for me being the way I am, either.” For the first time in her life, Leah didn’t have to hold back saying words likeserve.If anything, she was emboldened. Sloan ate it up like a cat with a bag of treats.She’s the cat. I’m an endless supply of goodies.God knew Sloan probably lost interest in her toys as quickly as a cat, too. Leah tried not to think about that.
Until tonight, she treated this relationship as her formal introduction into the kind she always wanted. Sloan would move on from her, eventually. Women like her always did.
“Can I ask you something?”
