Page 38 of Empowered
Chapter 9
“I’m sorry, Sarah, but I have the same opinion as last time.” The gynecologist sat down across from Sarah with a thick stack of papers in her hand. “You’re free to look for a second opinion. In fact, I encourage it. That said, we should discuss some of the other things you’ve been telling me about your sexual health.”
Sarah stared blankly before her, the white office blending together in one giant ivory hue. The blond gyno attempted to get her attention, but all Sarah heard was“You can’t get pregnant. That was taken away from you too.”That’s all she heard from her gynecologist ever since her miscarriage. Because infertility made her feel so much better about what happened to her.
The doctor went over some of the answers Sarah gave the nurse when she first came in.“Are you engaging in unprotected sex?” “Do you engage in anal sex?” “How many partners have you had in the past year?” “When was your last HIV test?”The only thing the doctor approved of was how often Sarah got tested. Both kinds of tests – the STD tests, and the pregnancy ones.I remember when I got my first positive result on a pregnancy test…Her period had been a week late. Back then, Sarah approached her pregnancy news with pure pragmatism.I was pregnant. I had decisions to make.That first decision she made was to tell the father, the worst decision she could have made.
“Are you sure?” Sarah said at the end of her consultation. “About the pregnancy thing?”
The doctor slowly nodded. “There is still a lot of evidence of the past trauma you have described. I’m not saying you absolutely could not get pregnant, per se, but I would be very concerned about your ability to carry to term. There are some options we can discuss.”
Sarah left with another hole in her heart. Who was to say she wanted children? That wasn’t the point. The terrible point was that the choice was ripped from her, doused in kerosene, and lit up in flames. Ah, like Russell’s ex-wife…
Sarah stopped on the sidewalk on her way back to work. She had arranged to have an hour off from work so she could go in for a regular check-up. Now she might be late because she was too fucked up from the same news as usual.
And the fact she had blown Lucas off after promising to call him last night. What did Sarah do instead? Take out her frustrations with a healthy usage of sex toys and fantasies that included no one but Lucas giving her exactly what she desired.
Life was bullshit.
I didn’t call him because it’s wrong.Wrong to blend her professional and personal lives. Wrong to continue sleeping with a man she met under such unusual circumstances. Wrong to sleep with any man she had a personal connection to.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
She made it to work by ten, as promised. The office was already well underway with its routines. Alisha was gone, taking care of the meeting Mr. Monroe was in. As for Sarah, she was to report to the missus as soon as she got in.
The last person Sarah wanted to see. Perhaps more so than Lucas.
Alice Monroe was not her enemy, nor was she an undesirable person in Sarah’s life. But she had something that Sarah would never have – no, not the baby, although that tied into it.She has the choice. She gets to have that baby. She gets to have her lover’s child. A Monroe child.
Sarah had to take a deep breath before going in. Alice looked up from her desk with a smile and a brief inquiry regarding Sarah’s well-being. Sarah ignored that and went straight into taking dictation notes.
When she was finished, she walked out and saw Lucas hovering around her desk.
“Mr. Blackbourne,” she greeted, sinking down into her chair and acting as if he were a nuisance. “Can I help you?”
“I can almost believe it.” He crossed his arms. “Giving me this hot and cold bullshit.”
“Please, not here.”
“Fine. I know where to take it.” Lucas went into his office, closing his door behind him.
Sarah’s personal phone buzzed in her pocket.
What the…
She pulled her phone out to find a text from an unknown number. Please. Like she didn’t know who it was from. If Lucas could find out where shelived,then he sure as hell could find her personal phone number.
“Are you hot for me right now? Or cold?”
Sarah leaned her elbows against her desk as she texted him back.“We’re at work, Mr. Blackbourne. Try to be professional.”
“Why didn’t you contact me last night?”
“Because I didn’t feel like it.”
“Didn’t feel like it, or didn’t want to?”
Sarah turned her personal phone upside down on her desk and went back to work. She wasn’t supposed to be sending personal texts while on the job, anyway.
