Page 33 of Shattered Hope
“Oh… mind games… I see where you’re going… but getting me intrigued will not necessarily get me into your bed,” I explained, finishing my cup, not sure I liked the turn the conversation was taking.
The man was an enigma, hard to read, and certainly impossible to understand. Of course, I had to be a little out of my mind questioning him the way I was, considering how I felt about the idea of having sex… but for some reason, I couldn’t help myself.
“I’m quite confident they will… when you’re ready. You’ll give me exactly what I want,” he assured me.
I frowned in the face of his impressive confidence. “Have you considered the possibility that what you want is not as good as you think? That it will probably disappoint you?” I asked in a mocking tone.
I had no doubts he would be disappointed that he would wish he hadn't wasted a second of his time on me.
“No, never. You could never disappoint me,” he assured me.
“How can you be so sure? You barely know me,” his confidence didn’t cease to amaze me.
He leaned forward and took my hands in his, sending a jolt of energy up my arms and jumping my heart into a frantic rhythm.
“There’s fire between us, Anne. It sizzles every time we’re together in the same room,” he said, in a husky, sensuous tone, his thumbs caressing my sensitive skin. “I’m sure you feel it too.”
I did… but that was no guarantee… Daniel excited me too… until our wedding night fiasco. I spent months trying to become the woman he wanted me to be, despite the beatings and the humiliation. I was so convinced it was all my fault, that I was a complete failure I couldn’t look at my marriage objectively and realize something was terribly wrong between us.
And although now, I was able to see I didn’t deserve to be treated the way Daniel treated me, I was still certain I was a total failure in bed. I wasn’t sure I could take that chance.
“That doesn’t mean a thing,” I said with all the bitterness I felt.
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“It means everything,” he jumped to his feet and pulled me up with him, sliding his hands up my arms until he cradled my face. On his way up, his hands grazed the side of breasts, sending jolts of pleasure to my nipples, which immediately responded, getting hard as pebbles, poking out through the flimsy fabric of my old t-shirt.
Struggling to keep my breathing even and slow, I allowed my hands to cover his but didn’t try to pull them away. I was too lost in the pleasure of having him so close to stop him. A part of me wanted to know how it felt to be kissed by Jayden.
He didn’t disappoint me. Pulling me closer, he smashed my lips with his and forced his tongue inside, assailing every inch of my mouth, taking what he wanted and stealing my breath away in the process.
Was a kiss supposed to be this passionate? This hot? This lustful? It compared to nothing I had ever experienced in my life.
Like an addict craving my next fix, I trembled and moaned, stepping closer, silently begging for more of the pleasure he was granting me. The first graze of his lips had awakened a hunger in me I didn’t know I had, and with each move of his lips and his naughty tongue, it grew stronger, igniting the fire he had mentioned before.
I wanted more… it didn’t matter the pain or the discomfort I knew would come along if I saw things through… I wanted it anyway, I wanted the little taste of heaven he was giving me. A moan of complaint left my lips when he finally released my lips, to allow some air into my lungs.
“There’s no way this could be disappointing, Anne,” he whispered in my ear, his warm breath tickling my ear as his tongue sent shivers down my spine. “In any way.” And with those words, he stepped back. “But that’s your decision to make, not mine. No strings attached… no consequences…” he said, as he left the kitchen towards his room. “You know where to find me.”
Damn… what an impossible man! How dare he leave me on fire like this? He should have taken me… proven me wrong… but he wouldn’t do that… oh no, he wanted it to be my call, my decision, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to do that.
I might have played along, let him seduce me for the sake of his mind-blowing kisses, but I wasn’t ready to walk into his room and take what I wanted, right?
Rubbing my face, I paced the kitchen, cursing my fate, and cursing him for leaving me like this, hot and flushed, with the strangest feelings gnawing at my very core.
I was a coward, I knew that, but I was still afraid I would be a total failure and that he would treat me differently in the morning, despite his words. Was I ready to see the disappointment on his face? Or for him to avoid me as if I was some sort of an infectious disease?
Flashes of his kiss crossed my mind, and my whole body lit on fire in response. Even if sex sucked, being kissed by him again would be worth the trouble. The question was, would it be enough for him?
Not sure what to do, I cleared the kitchen table and paced the room for a few more minutes, still unable to make a decision.
One thing I knew for sure: he wouldn’t hurt me intentionally. He had had the chance to do so, and he hadn't laid a finger on me. Not even when I gave him motives to do so.
It still amazed me I was even considering this. With any other man, I would be running for the nearest bus station at the first mention of sex, and with him, I was considering doing it, mindless of the consequences.
Had I lost my mind? What made him so different? Was I fooling myself?
I was never going to find answers to my questions, not unless I tried.
