Page 47 of Back in the Texan's Bed
“I married your father when I was young—nineteen. Like a fairy tale, he whisked me away to this beautiful home, provided a life I’d only dreamed about. I guess you could say Rusty pampered me, because he did. Beautiful children, a home, clothes, jewelry, cars, vacations abroad—everything I could ever ask for. Except for a faithful husband.”
She lifted her glass for another sip, this one a little longer than her last. And when she lowered her arm, her slim fingers slightly trembled around the long stem.
“I couldn’t stay in a loveless marriage any longer,” she continued, her voice a shade huskier. “Not when I walked in on Rusty with another woman. Asking him for a divorce was terrifying, but at least I had you and your sister. Or at least, I naively believed. As punishment for daring to leave him, Rusty used all his power, including a judge who knew him, to ensure he got custody of you and Gina. I might have received a financial settlement, but what mattered most to me—my children—I lost.”
Ross tried to steel his heart against her tale; he’d heard some of it through Rusty. But the cheating, the judge in Rusty’s pocket? No, his father had left those details out. Not that either shocked him. When Rusty played to win, he refused to lose at all costs.
Still, she’d left his father. Why had she then divorced her children?
As if she read his mind, she continued, her voice low, pained, “I tried to maintain a relationship with you and Gina. God, I tried. But you two were growing older and preferred to be with your friends rather than a woman who was increasingly becoming a stranger to you. I got it. And Rusty didn’t help matters, either. He didn’t try to enforce our custody arrangement. Then I couldn’t find work here in Royal, and everyone treated me like the scorned ex-wife. I had to leave town simply to survive.”
As someone who’d recently been on the receiving end of Rusty’s hardhanded tactics, an unprecedented empathy he’d never offered his mother swelled within him. He understood survival.
He understood trying to escape the steel, booby-trapped box Rusty could trap a person in.
“Now, in hindsight, I wish I’d fought harder to get you back. To try another court if one didn’t listen. The Edmond name and power extends beyond Royal, and I didn’t have the financial resources to fight. But if I’d known divorcing him would mean losing you and your sister, I would’ve stayed married to him, regardless of his mistreatment and cheating.”
She stretched her arms across the table, hesitated, but then carefully clasped his hands in hers. “Ross, I have so many regrets. And the main one is allowing fear of your rejection to keep me from reaching out to you in all this time. As your mother, it was up to me to connect with you, not place that burden on you. I just ask for your forgiveness.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and she swiped at it before clasping his hand again. “Like I said, I have many regrets. But in spite of the hell I went through with your father, I’d do it again in a heartbeat, because it brought me you and Gina.”
A quaking started in Ross’s chest, and then a loud crack he was surprised no one could hear crashed in his head and through his heart. He was so damn tired of being bitter. It had eaten away at him for so long that sometimes he didn’t recognize the man he’d become. He’d been punishing everyone because of this anger—his father, Charlotte, himself.
God,Charlotte.
Three years ago, he hadn’t allowed himself to love her because he’d been so afraid she would leave him. And when she had, it had been a self-fulfilling prophecy. Then, after she’d come back in his life, offering him a second chance with her, a chance to have a family, he’d again fallen back on fear. Walking out on her before she could.
He was tired of being afraid. Tired of being bitter and angry.
He just wanted to be loved, to be...happy.
He blinked against the sting of tears as he stared at the woman he’d always just wanted to love him, to accept him.
To stay for him.
Maybe she hadn’t then, but she was here now.
Just as Charlotte had wanted to be.
Oh, Christ, he’d screwed up so bad. Sogoddamnbad. But he could start fixing it now. And that healing had to start with Sarabeth—with his mother.
“I’ve blamed a lot of my actions and behavior on you and your leaving me. I’ve hurt the mother of my son, the woman I...love—” his throat closed around the word, at admitting it for the first time aloud “—because I couldn’t grow up and accept accountability. I’m sorry for all that you went through, and that when I was old enough, I chose to wallow in resentment than ask you why. I needed you when I was younger, and you weren’t there. So I can’t say that I can magically let go of that hurt, but I do forgive you. Because forgiving you means forgiving myself.”
“Oh, honey,” Sarabeth whispered, more tears streaming down her face. She cupped his cheek, and he savored it. Cherished the affection from his mom that he’d craved for so long. “I can’t make up for the past. If only I could. But if you’ll let me, I’ll be here for you now. And the woman you love? Don’t make the same mistakes I did, Ross. Go after her. Fight for her.”
I so desperately wanted you to fight for me. To ask me to stay.
Charlotte’s voice echoed in his head, and he silently vowed that he wouldn’t fail her now like he had in the past.
He would go to war for both her and Ben, and this was one he couldn’t lose.
Because he was battling for the woman he loved and his child.
He was battling for his life.
Sixteen
“Ineed the braised beef,” Charlotte called out from the warming shelves as she finished plating a Tomahawk steak entrée. “It’s up next.”
“Yes, Chef, on two,” her sous-chef replied.
