Page 89 of Calling on the Matchmaker
With a sigh, she sat back on her heels and released her rosary, letting it fall idle into her lap.
“Miss Shanahan?” The kindly priest who’d let her in spoke from behind her. The hour for mass wasn’t yet upon them, but perhaps he wanted her to leave anyway.
Finola pushed herself up, gathered her bag, and stuffed the rosary inside, her fingers gliding against the habit. She hadn’t taken the time to change into the garment, was still attired in her day gown. Absent of the usual multiple layers of petticoats and crinoline, the light blue skirt hung limply. She’d always left the extra off on her visitation days with the Sisters for theease of changing. She wouldn’t have to worry about that soon enough.
Gathering her cloak, Finola turned. “Thank you for allowing me the time, Father.”
The priest stood in the aisle, his hands folded beneath the wide sleeves of his cassock. “You’re welcome here any time, Miss Shanahan.”
She wouldn’t need to come again, would soon join the Sisters for prayer time in the chapel in the convent during the multiple holy hours they spent on their knees each day. In fact, the gong of the bell in the church’s tower was now signaling Sext, the call to noon-hour prayer.
“I hope your prayers brought you the answers you were seeking,” the priest said quietly.
She’d hoped today she would feel peace, especially after Enya’s revelations about her guilt over Ava’s death. But she was feeling anything but peace. “Why is forgiveness always so hard to find, Father?”
“Forgiveness is never difficult to find, my child.” The priest offered a kind smile. “It can’t be, not when it’s right in front of us in an abundant measure just waiting to cover any and all of our sins and mistakes.”
A soft but bitter laugh slipped out. “It’s not in front of me.”
“God never hides or withholds it. Perhaps you just need to open your eyes to see it.”
Could she do that?
“Sometimes we mistake our own inability to forgive ourselves as God’s inability. But Holy Scripture says that God forgives us so deeply that He puts our mistakes out of His mind as far as the east is from the west.”
Was the priest right, that she’d simply been unable to forgive herself for what had happened with Ava? If God was so willing to forgive her, was it time to forgive herself?
She nodded. It was past time. She had to let go of Ava, let go of all that had happened, and let go of the guilt. And maybe the first step in letting go was to acknowledge that she no longer wanted to punish herself for the mistakes, not in light of God’s deep forgiveness.
“His forgiveness sets us free,” the priest continued. “Free to truly live and love.”
Free to live and love. Free to be with Riley. Free to live her life with him. Free to love him.
Her heart resounded with the truth. Aye, she wanted nothing more than to spend her every waking moment living with and loving Riley.
Did she dare ride out to his family’s farm today and tell him how she was feeling? How would he react? Fear rushed in and rooted her feet to the floor. He’d already tried so hard to convince her to give him—give them—a chance.
She straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. It didn’t matter. Today, right now, she would go to him and tell him everything she felt. She had to, no matter how hard it would be and no matter the consequences.
Before she lost the courage and before she could convince herself not to go, she started down the aisle toward the door. “Thank you again, Father. Your words have helped me more than you’ll know.”
“You’re welcome, Miss Shanahan.” The priest stepped aside to let her pass. “Also, I wanted to let you know I just received some news you might find of interest.”
Something in the priest’s tone halted her steps. And she braced herself.
“I know you were recently matched with Riley Rafferty.” The priest glanced toward the door.
She followed his gaze, praying Riley would be standing there willing to offer her another chance. But the door was firmly closed, and Riley was nowhere in sight.
“I thought you might want to know that Saint Riley is getting married today.”
“What?” Her heart jumped up into her throat, and she could only squeak. “Today?”
“Yes. Today. Now, at the noon hour.”
A tremble started in her hands and spread quickly into her limbs. “How—where—are you certain? ’Tis rather fast.” But, of course, after their last breakup, Riley had all but made arrangements with Daniel Allen the same night. So it wasn’t impossible he’d done the same this time, maybe had renewed the plans with Daniel Allen to marry Bets.
The priest nodded as though confirming her worst fears. “Bellamy McKenna was the one who told me.”
