Page 76 of Calling on the Matchmaker
She didn’t shift her attention from the infant.
His pulse stuttered with the same sense of foreboding that had been growing all week. “We have to go.”
Still, she didn’t acknowledge his presence. It was almost as if she was somewhere else. Was she locked in the past, reliving what had happened with the baby sister she’d lost?
He had to get her away from the dead infant now. It was too much for her.
Without waiting for her permission, he bent down and scooped her up into his arms. As he straightened, he cradled her against his chest. She stiffened for only a moment before she buried her face in the crook of his neck.
As he carried her out of the apartment, the dampness of hertears brushed against his skin, and he knew without a doubt that her sorrow went deeper than the dead baby back in the apartment.
Though the wails of the mother drifted after them, the dingy passageway was deserted, and he paused near the top of the stairway. “Talk to me, Finola.”
She sucked in a shuddering breath and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’ll be alright in a minute.”
Frustration reared up inside him. Why wouldn’t she confide in him? The most open she’d been with him had been the night of their breakup. But the only reason she’d shared was because she’d known it would cause a wedge between them.
“Please. Tell me what’s wrong.” He held his breath and prayed she’d unburden herself. He longed to be the one she turned to and found comfort from. But, as before, he sensed that though she’d resigned herself to marriage, she was widening the distance between them instead of closing it.
“I’m just a wee bit sad. But I’ll be right again soon.”
He bit back a sigh. “You’re thinking of Ava.”
She didn’t respond, which was answer enough.
“You’re not to blame for that baby’s death any more than you were for Ava’s.”
“I could have done more.” Her whisper was harsh, but it was a start toward opening up.
“You’re not God, and He’s the only one capable of performing miracles.”
She shook her head. “He doesn’t help me anymore. Not after what I did to Ava.”
“You have to let go of the past. It has nothing to do with what happened today.”
“It has everything to do with it.”
“And everything to do with why you won’t allow yourself to love me?”
She grew so motionless he could almost hear her heart beating.
Had he finally hit on the truth? “Tell me, Finola, will you ever let yourself love me, or are you planning to punish yourself for the rest of your life?”
She held herself still for a moment longer, then began to wiggle to free herself from his hold.
He gently set her down on her feet in the hallway, and as he did, she took a step back and glared up at him with flashing eyes. “Who are you to speak of me letting go and punishing myself when you’re the king of doing that very thing?”
“I don’t punish myself—”
“Maybe you’re not punishing yourself so much as having to prove yourself worthy of living when nearly everyone else in your family drowned.”
The moment she whispered the words, her eyes widened and she cupped a hand over her mouth, almost as if she couldn’t believe she’d spoken so bluntly and wanted to take everything back.
But it was too late. Her declaration hit its mark, stabbing his heart so that pain radiated out to the rest of his body. How could she bring up his past at a time like this and use it against him to protect herself?
She dropped her hand, her eyes growing contrite. “I’m sorry, Riley—”
“We need to go.” He waved a hand toward the stairs, motioning for her to descend. He didn’t want to hear her quick apology, didn’t want to avoid important topics, didn’t want to gloss over any more feelings. He wanted her to share deeply and be willing to give him all of herself. Could he live with any less than that?
