Page 55 of Calling on the Matchmaker
But he was already setting her down and heading for the door. The gig was still parked outside where he’d left it. As he settled her into the seat, his expression remained grave. But he didn’t say anything until they were on their way. “It’s more than just the cold bothering you, isn’t it?”
“Aye.” The evening darkness was broken by the few street lanterns that had already been lit, but she wanted to stay hidden in the shadows.
“You’re upset about the danger on the ice. About me falling in.”
“Of course I am. It was a dangerous stunt, and you almost drowned.”
“But I didn’t.”
“It was close.”
“And yet, here I am.”
“Don’t be daft, Riley. You can’t keep wrestling with death and hope to escape its clutches forever.”
“Someone needs to be a hero.”
“It doesn’t always have to be you.”
He shrugged.
She wasn’t being rational about the matter. Of course, like all his other rescues, she didn’t expect him to stand back, do nothing, and watch someone die. But why did he have to rush in time after time so recklessly? Almost as if he didn’t really value his life.
Whatever the case, she had to cut him out of her life now. Tonight. If she let their relationship continue, it would get harder, and she’d hurt him even more.
If only she’d stuck with her plan to alienate him sooner like she had with the other suitors instead of spending so much time with him.
He didn’t know it, but he’d given her the perfect way to send him running. He’d all but admitted he didn’t want to have the same kind of marriage he’d had with Helen, that this time he wanted a willing wife.
Once he knew she wasn’t willing, he’d realize they weren’t meant to be together.
A part of her resisted saying anything, but she forced herself to say the words that would end her match with Riley. “You told me earlier that you regret your selfishness with Helen and for pushing her too far, especially into marriage.”
He shot her a questioning glance. “I meant what I told Big Jim. I’m a changed man. And I’m trying not to pressure you.”
“Aye, I have no doubt you’re a changed man.”
“I haven’t kissed you again, even though I’ve wanted to.”
His admission sent pleasure dancing across her skin. Even so, she absolutely could not admit she’d thought about kissing him again too. That would destroy her argument, one she needed to be solid.
“Even without, um—kissing—there’s still pressure.”
He glanced around to the businesses they were passing, many of the window fronts lit, people still loitering on the plank walkway. Then he leaned in and lowered his voice. “I’m using every ounce of self-control I have to keep my hands and thoughts in line. But I’m not perfect, Finola, especially because you’re a desirable woman.”
If he kept saying things like that, he would crack through the last of her resistance. She had to take control of the conversation, or they’d arrive at her home, and she’d be out of time to tell him the truth.
The truth. It would set her free from him. She knew it would.
But that meant she had to gather the courage to tell him about her aspirations to join the convent and why it was important to her. He’d already proven to be a good listener. But would he listen to this? Especially when her parents hadn’t?
She had to try. It was her last hope of gaining the life she wanted.
“When I was growing up, I went to a private school for girls run by the Sisters of Charity.” A lump crowded into her throat, threatening to clog her airway. She swallowed it and forced out the words she needed to say. “I loved it, and the Sisters loved me, and I dreamed of one day growing up and living with them there.”
“As a nun?”
“Aye. But Mam needed my help to watch the younger children. So I stopped going to school and stayed home.”
