Page 84 of Never Leave Me
He was quiet for a few moments. “I admit. I’m happy you’re with Harrison. Even if your marriage came about in the most unusual of circumstances, I can accept my fate—whatever that may be—knowing you and Marian both have fine men to spend your lives with.”
Strange disappointment prodded Ellen, the same that had settled inside during her tense night with Harrison. “Our marriage is temporary. Harrison doesn’t want to spend his life with me.”
“Nonsense. Harrison wants nothing more than to be with you.”
If only that were true ... She sighed and turned from the view, leaning against the cool stone parapet. “I admit, I’ve had a fear of commitment for a very long time, never saw myself having a future—with my VHL and cancer and everything.”
Dad winced, as if the very mention of VHL was still painful for him.
“But even if I could overcome my fear to form a permanent arrangement with Harrison, he made it clear last night that he doesn’t want anything.”
“Harrison said that?” Her dad’s bushy brows rose.
“He thinks he’s too old to get married and start a family.”
“You’re never too old to start anything.”
Of course she agreed with her dad’s optimistic outlook, but this was different. “He doesn’t want to be like his parents.”
“He doesn’t have to be.”
She sighed. If only it was that simple.
“He loves you, my dear. And though perhaps it’s taken some time, I think you’ve grown to care about him too.”
“Yes, I have.” After last night’s rejection, her longing for Harrison was even keener.
“Then grasp the love you’re given while it lasts, for you never know when it will slip away from you.”
She’d embraced living in the moment but hadn’t made room for loving. Was it possible to do both? To love someone for as little or long as they both lived?
“In spite of the pain of losing your mother, I wouldn’t give up a single second of what we had together.” Dad studied her face, his expression gentling. “You’re as beautiful as her, you know.”
Ellen smoothed down a strand of hair that the wind was teasing. She’d never liked being compared to Mom. Yes, her mom had been beautiful, even in the last year of her life when cancer had ravaged her body and left her a shell of what she’d once been. But aside from the beauty, the real reason Ellen hadn’t liked being linked with her mom was because she’d hoped emphasizing their differences would spare her from going through the same trauma. Maybe even in her heart of hearts, she resented her mom for giving her VHL.
“I’m sorry for not being there with you more in recent years.” Her dad’s tone was edged with regret. “I realized too late that you’re not your mother and that I don’t have to see her every time I see you.”
Was that what had happened? Why he’d become so distant? “It’s okay, Dad. I’m just glad we got one more chance to be together.”
“Me too.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it.
One more chance. Mrs. Fletcher’s words from Saint Lucia echoed in the corners of her mind.“When second chances come, you have to grab them up while you can.”She wasn’t squandering this second chance with her dad. Maybe she needed to try harder not to squander the time with Harrison too.
“Don’t fear telling Harrison how you really feel,” Dad said, as though reading her thoughts.
“I’m afraid of being selfish again.”
“You’ll work it out. You’ll see.”
She wasn’t so sure they would work it out, especially since Harrison hadn’t spoken to her since last night.
Dad released her hand and then gazed around again at the battlement. “There aren’t many places that lasted from 1382 until the present. But this tower is one of them. If all else fails, I would consider hiding holy water somewhere up here.”
“First we need to recapture the wellspring.”
“Methinks we shall have it before day’s end.”
“Methinks?” She grinned. “You’re already sounding right at home in the Middle Ages.”
