Page 6 of Enamored
The guests clapped as I began my descent with meticulously timed steps. I was also careful to keep my hands at my side and my toes pointed forward as etiquette required.
The king and queen waited at the bottom, watching me with love radiating in their eyes.
I am doing this for them. I am doing this for them. I am doing this for them.If I repeated the declaration enough times, would I quell the doubts that had been plaguing me with increasing intensity in the days and weeks leading up to my eighteenth birthday?
Behind the king and queen, the honored noblemen stood in their finest garments, their eyes fixed upon me as well. I was scheduled to dance with each man once. For the final dance, I would be expected to honor one—and only one—of them with a second dance.
If only this process were simpler, easier.
“Those who aim at great deeds must also walk a difficult path.”The words of the ancient philosopher flitted through my mind, one of the many wise sayings I’d memorized during my schooling—wise sayings both Maxim and I had learned together.
From my periphery, I glimpsed a tall, darkly handsome man. Maxim. Standing on the perimeter of the room. Unlike at the melee, this time he was watching me. How could he avoid doing so at this important occasion when I was the center of attention?
Instead of the black robes of those attending Studium Generale, he wore a fine suit with a tight-fitting doublet of blue—a blue that matched his eyes. I’d always loved his eye color, which reminded me of the waters within a deep northern fjord. The surcoat over the top was a shade of brown, almost black, as were his leggings.
I wanted to turn my full attention upon Maxim and revel in the changes time had wrought. But since I meant so little to him that he hadn’t taken a moment earlier in the day to greet me properly, I kept my focus upon the king and queen, unwilling to let Maxim think I harbored any interest in him.
With each step closer to the loving presence of the king and queen, the grasp that had been holding me back began to loosen. I even managed a smile at the two as I stepped from the last stair.
The queen wiped tears from her eyes, her smile filled with pride and joy. As was the custom at the coming-of-age balls with the mother bestowing upon her daughter a bangle, the queen unclasped the bangle she wore, studded with amethysts that matched the purple swan feathers of my dress. The queen wrapped the bracelet around my wrist, the symbol I was no longer a child but would take my place now in the world of adults.
She kissed first one of my cheeks then the other, her tears continuing to spill over.
Although not part of the instructions I’d been given by the master of ceremonies, I brought the queen’s hand to my lips and kissed it, letting everyone know without a doubt that I loved her like a daughter.
At that moment, the other bangle on my upper arm—the one that had once belonged to my mother—squeezed my flesh. My guilt squeezed just as tightly that I’d hung on to the bangle all these years, had always secretly worn it. Inge didn’t deserve my disloyalty, not after how unreservedly she’d accepted me as her child. If only I could bring resolution to all my questions about my long-lost mother and sister... Then maybe I could just as unreservedly accept the queen, the king, and my fate.
The king spoke the words everyone had been waiting for: “Let the dancing commence.”
As I took my place at the center of the room with my first partner, I curved my lips up in the gracious smile expected of me, which I managed to hold in place with each new dance and each new partner. With so little time left in the courtship week, I did my best to elicit deeper conversation with the men, hoping some interest or commonality would arise to spark attraction within me.
But I was ashamed to admit—even to myself—that all the while dancing with the noblemen, my thoughts shifted to Maxim, especially whenever I caught a glimpse of his frame in my line of vision. He mingled among the courtiers who kept to the outer edges of the hall, drinking and eating but never joining in the dancing.
During one of the breaks between dances, I stood surrounded by the noblemen, talking with them and accepting their compliments. I didn’t realize how close I was to Maxim until I glanced up to find him only a dozen feet away.
In the glow of the candles in the crystal chandeliers, his hair gleamed a blue-black. It was neatly combed and tied back with a leather strip, unlike earlier when he’d worn it free and wind-tossed. The style made him look older, more mature, reminding me again of all the missed years between us. Up closer, every one of his features was sharper, darker—and breathtaking.
As I took him in, it was almost as if he sensed my attention upon him. He shifted and looked directly at me, zeroing in as if I were the only one in the room.
For the space of several heartbeats, our eyes remained locked. His were full of the same admiration I’d seen in the eyes of the noblemen, acknowledging my fair beauty, womanliness, and grace. Of course, I had been told many times in my life what a pretty princess I was, and my suitors had lavished me with praise this week. If I’d been a vain maiden, the flattery might have turned my head. Instead, I’d always longed to be esteemed for my intelligence more than my beauty.
But now, at the glow of appreciation coming from Maxim—a glow that told me he saw me as a desirable woman—a shiver of pleasure whispered through me.
Perhaps he wasn’t as oblivious to my presence as I had first assumed. He was interested, at the very least curious about me. What did he think of all the noblemen surrounding me and attempting to win my heart?
As though hearing my unasked question, he glanced at the men. Then before I could read the answer in his expression, he pivoted, turning his back upon me.
Heat flared in my chest. Maxim had just dismissed me. After all these years, could he not be bothered to give me a nod or a smile or even a small wave to acknowledge the friendship we’d once shared?
I returned my full attention to the men surrounding me, outwardly remaining composed while inwardly, mortification mingled with anger.
This was not the Maxim I had known and loved like a brother. This was someone entirely different, someone I didn’t like, someone I had no wish to reacquaint myself with. His action had communicated quite clearly that he had no desire to be my friend any longer.
If that was how he felt, then I’d grant him his wish.
Chapter
3
