Page 34 of Always
I smoothed my fingers across her cheek and then the tendrils framing her face, the feel of her skin and hair starting to distract me from the matter at hand. “I don’t know the ways of women,” I admitted softly. “You must tell me when you have needs.”
“But I do not want you to regret marrying me,” she responded.
I leaned back then so I could see into her eyes, those mesmerizing eyes the color of the sweet meadow grass that surrounded us. I cupped her cheeks with both of my hands, surprised by my boldness. When she didn’t resist and peered up at me trustingly, I was emboldened even more. “I will never regret marrying you. I would only regret if I had not kept you by my side where I’d know you are always safe.”
Only at that moment did I realize how close we were, her arms around my waist, our faces mere inches apart.
Her eyes still filled with doubt. “But without me, you would have your freedom.”
“Without you, I’d be desolate.” I meant the words. If I’d left her behind, not only would I have gone crazy worrying about her, but I would have yearned for her companionship, her spark of life, her sweetness and thoughtfulness, and so much more. If I’d ever believed I was complete and my life fulfilled as a king’s guard, I’d been wrong. After meeting a woman like Felicia, I knew now how much I’d been missing.
“Desolate?” She studied my face as though she still couldn’t believe my words.
“Aye,” I whispered. “Very desolate.”
How could I convince her I meant what I said, that I didn’t want to live without her? My gaze dropped to her lips, just inches from mine. Did I dare kiss her? My pulse sped at the prospect. Would a kiss reassure her of my undying affection?
Her lips parted slightly, as though in readiness. And when she released a soft, short breath that seemed to communicate her anticipation, I bent in and touched my mouth to hers. I hesitated, afraid I’d do the wrong thing, perhaps offend her. But her arms tightened around me, and she pressed her lips against mine in a kiss that let me know she welcomed me, that she wouldn’t reject my affection, that perhaps she even shared it.
For an exquisitely sweet moment, our kiss lingered, making me breathless and lightheaded.
At a happy coo from Emmeline next to us, Felicia’s lips curved into a smile against mine. I wasn’t ready for the kiss to end, but she pulled back and released me, giving me little choice but to do the same.
She cuddled Emmeline closer, reclined in the bed of grass, and then smiled up at me. The invitation in her eyes and expression was like the warm summer sunshine pouring over me. A part of me warned that I needed to get up, move away, and keep the boundaries I’d established for our relationship.
But looking down at her and all her glorious beauty, the pull was too strong. I lowered myself into the grass, stretched out beside her, the babe between us. Propped on one elbow, I let myself feast upon her elegant features until finally I met her gaze.
I would not be so bold as to bend over and kiss her again. I’d have to content myself with simply looking.
As though sensing my resolve, she freed one of her hands, circled it behind my neck, and tugged me down.
I didn’t resist. Didn’t want to. Didn’t know why I’d ever wanted to.
I kissed her again, this time for a long, precious moment. Until her lips stilled and I knew she’d fallen asleep.
Chapter
14
Felicia
My lashes flutteredwith the first heartbeats of wakefulness. The air was warm and alive with the buzz of cicadas and the fragrant scent of Bridewort. I shifted only to realize that an arm was draped across me—Lance’s arm.
I opened my eyes to the sight of his face near mine, his dark lashes resting on his cheeks, his breath coming in the slow even rhythm of slumber. Emmeline was cocooned between us, sleeping contentedly, her fingers wrapped around one of mine.
I wanted to drop a kiss on her fuzzy dark hair, but I didn’t want to rouse either her or Lance. They were both resting so peacefully that I couldn’t bear to disturb them. And selfishly, I didn’t want Lance to pull his arm away, as I knew he would the moment he awakened.
Had he really kissed me? My attention shifted to his mouth, to his dimpled chin and his strong jaw. A swarm of honeybees set to flight in my stomach at the remembrance of not one kiss, but two. The tenderness of his gaze, the gentleness with which he’d bandaged my feet, the strength of his hold as he’d carried me to this resting spot.
As though sensing my wakefulness and scrutiny, his eyes flew open. I sank into their dark-brown depths, losing myself there. I couldn’t contain the emotion any more than I could contain my thrumming pulse. “I love you,” I whispered.
The moment the words were out, he stiffened and lifted his arm away from me, leaving me feeling suddenly bare and vulnerable. He glanced at a spot above my head, his eyes filling with regret and frustration.
Disappointment settled in, turning the air hot and stale and blocking out everything except the now heavy anxious thud of my heartbeat. The closeness and rapport between us evaporated as though it had never been, and a cool breeze blew in to replace it.
But why? Was it because I’d told him I loved him? It was the truth. I did love him, and I expected—had assumed from his kisses—he felt the same, was putting aside his reservations and finally wanted a true marriage. Though the past days of traveling had been difficult for a pampered woman like me who’d never had to walk more than the smooth passageways of castles, I’d experienced a new contentment with Lance that I’d never before had.
I’d relished the hours of talking and getting to know one another. I’d loved watching him learn to be a father to Emmeline. And I’d coveted every noble gesture he made for me. I’d begun to think God had purposefully placed us together, and that eventually Lance would feel about me the same way I did about him. But he apparently still had no intention of allowing our relationship to develop into anything more than a partnership for Emmeline. We were only together to serve the princess and nothing more.
