Page 30 of Always
“As do I.”
I smiled then.
His lips curved up in response.
“Will you have no regrets about becoming a charcoal burner?” I asked.
“As long as you have none about becoming a charcoal burner’s wife.”
“None.” And I meant it. Not just for the princess but because I cared about him too. I hoped he could read that in my eyes. I didn’t know yet if what I felt was love, but it was surely something akin to it.
His fingers tightened against mine. “It will be a harsh life.”
“It has already been harsh. But we have done this together, and we will continue to do so.”
He released a breath, as though he’d been holding it in for a while. Then he reached for my chin, his fingers tender against my skin.
I glanced past him to where Sister Katherine sat only to realize she’d left.
He quietly studied my face. “And what if eventually you’re not happy with a pauper’s life?”
“I have no doubt we shall both have many adjustments to make in the days and weeks to come. We shall face hardships and danger. And we shall experience toil and sorrow. But happiness is a choice we can make no matter what life brings us, is it not?”
“It is.” He rubbed his thumb along my jaw.
The caress was achingly sweet. When his eyes dropped to my lips, my stomach cinched with the desire for him to kiss me.
“If we would marry,” he said hesitantly, almost hoarsely, “’twill be in name only. I will not dishonor you.”
I searched his eyes, trying to make sense of his words. Did he think ours would simply be a marriage of convenience, solely for the sake of protecting the princess? Is that what he wanted? To remain friends and partners and nothing more?
I pulled away from him then and stood. We might not love each other now, but we could give love the chance to grow, couldn’t we? I hoped so, but I was not bold enough to say it. Instead, I walked to the narrow window and peered out, my mind’s eye seeing nothing but his ruggedly handsome face.
After a moment, he rose and came behind me. I could feel his warmth close by, but he didn’t touch me. “We have only a few hours until the cover of darkness and departure. We have much to do until then.”
I nodded, forced a smile, and turned. “Yes. Much.”
Chapter
12
Lance
Without my warriorbraids, my head felt bare. But after I’d taken a bath and washed my hair, I’d refrained from plaiting the long strands, as had been my custom for so many years. Instead, I combed my hair until it was smooth and then gathered it at the back of my neck, tying it together with a leather strip.
I gave my tunic a final shake before leaving my chamber, hoping I was presentable for the wedding and wishing I had something to give Felicia as a token of my devotion. But I had nothing. And I was struck with the realization I’d never have anything, that instead of moving above my father’s station, I was about to drop below him to the lowest strata a man could fall, as a charcoal burner. What would he think of me now if he’d lived? Would he be disappointed?
I could only hope he’d understand I was doing this for a higher purpose and greater good. After all, he was the one who’d told me that often sacrifices must be made without the satisfaction of praise from others. In the days to come, my satisfaction in laboring at a job I’d never asked for was that I’d save both the princess and Felicia. From now on, they would be my life mission.
As I exited into the dark, narrow passageway, needles shot through my leg with each step I took. My ineptness twisted my frustration tighter, and thethunkof the cane against the floor reminded me I was a cripple, that I would be for the rest of my life. Why would a beautiful, poised, and kind woman like Felicia want to marry a pauper and a cripple?
As I neared the chapel, my trepidation mounted. I stopped outside the door and wiped at the fresh perspiration on my brow. For an endless moment, I hesitated, knowing I should run away and give Felicia her freedom, that she should have a better man, a better life.
But at the soft tinkle of her laughter from within the small sanctuary, I straightened and rounded the corner. She was standing near the altar with the nuns surrounding her and fixing a wreath of flowers on her head.
I slicked back my hair, self-conscious.
At the sight of me, the nuns quieted and moved away, revealing Felicia.
