Page 29 of Always
I hesitated. Over the past two weeks of deprivation, I’d realized how privileged and spoiled I’d been most of my life, how much I’d always taken for granted, how much I still had to learn about the world we lived in.
“What do you believe God’s purpose is for your life, Felicia?” Sister Katherine asked. With her tight wimple surrounding her thin face, there was an angelic, almost ethereal, quality about her.
“I have been searching for it,” I admitted. “I was not satisfied with court life. I did not fit in among the other noblewomen. And I longed for more than that shallow existence.”
Lance’s head snapped up at my revelation, and he finally met my gaze.
“I confess that leaving my comforts and family behind will be challenging,” I continued. “But I shall not miss much else about my noble life.”
“The charcoal burner is the poorest of the poor. The lowest class,” Lance said. “You would go from every right and privilege to none. And for how long would you have to endure such a life? How long until Princess Constance is old enough to regain the throne?”
“She could do so at any time,” Sister Katherine said, “since the throne is rightfully hers. But the old laws require a woman to reach the age of twenty before she can rule without a regent.”
Lance hadn’t taken his gaze from my face. “So we may need to hide for many years—until Princess Constance can legitimately become queen in her own right. Even then, she might not be willing or able to wrest it from Ethelwulf.”
The queen had once told me we couldn’t change every wrong in the world but that we could do our small part. Was this to be my part? To hide for many years? To mother an orphaned princess? To teach and train her to become an heir who was worthy of royalty, so that perhaps someday she could make a difference and help bring about another small change for the better?
“I can’t ask Felicia to sacrifice so much,” Lance said to Sister Katherine. “We must think of a different way. Perhaps Felicia can find safety with the noble family taking in the Princess Constance. And I will take the other babe into the woods by myself.”
“You cannot care for a wee infant and support yourself,” Sister Katherine stated.
“I’ll find a pauper’s daughter to marry.”
“No!” I spoke more sharply than I intended, and Lance flinched. Taking advantage of his silence, I lowered myself to my knees before him and reached for his hands. I knew I was being bold. But this was a bold plan and one that would take courage for both of us.
“You should not be kneeling before me, my lady.” He tried to tug me up.
“Lance,” I said, resisting his pull. “Please try to understand. You shall marry me. I truly want to make this sacrifice for the princess.”
His fingers closed around mine, the pressure solid and secure and everything I knew him to be. “Are you sure?”
I nodded and dropped my attention to his hand, already embarrassed by what I must say. I brushed my thumb across his knuckles. “I would make the sacrifice for us too.” I couldn’t make myself look up to see his reaction, but I hoped he understood what I meant.
He was quiet for a long moment. Then he caressed my knuckles with his thumb the same way I had his. The gentle touch made my stomach flip. “I wouldn’t be worthy of such a sacrifice.”
“You are worthier than any man I have ever known,” I replied, admiring the strength in just his fingers alone. “And I would only pray that someday I might be worthy of you.”
“But you already are—”
“If not for me, you would not be injured.” The anguished words were out before I could stop them. “I should have stayed in Delsworth and allowed you to leave without me. You would have escaped faster, and then you would still be whole, unharmed—”
He cut me off by raising a hand and pressing his thumb against my lips. The touch made me suck in a breath. His skin was rough and rugged, but I couldn’t stop myself from relishing the contact.
“Nay, my lady.” His brown eyes brimmed with something I couldn’t name. “I was wrong to think you were ever a burden. You were a gift. Are a gift. Unexpected but necessary. I realize now I couldn’t have saved the princesses without you.”
“But your leg.” I whispered against his thumb. “It’s my—”
“Felicia.” The gentleness in his whisper stopped my words. “Every time I think that I might have left you behind at Delsworth, I loathe the thought of what might have happened to you there.”
At his declaration, warmth spilled through me. “Then you will forgive me for costing you your livelihood?”
“There is naught to forgive.”
“Please, Lance.”
“If you will forgive me for costing you your life of nobility?”
“I give up my old life freely.”
