Page 18 of Always
“Are the princesses asleep?” I asked.
“Ourdaughtersare asleep.” Before I could protest, she was climbing over the wagon bed and onto the short bench. The stench of the hog grease permeated the air around us, but even so, my body reacted to her nearness as she settled herself next to me. I could sense her being careful not to let her arm or shoulder brush against mine. “If you will not allow me to drive, then I shall do my best to keep you awake.”
“I’ll keep myself awake.”
“You do not always have to be so strong, Lance.” Her soft voice made me want to lean against her. But I’d stood on my own for so long, I didn’t know what it was like to rely upon anyone else anymore.
“Tell me about yourself,” she said with the authority that belonged to someone of her station.
“Are you ordering me or asking?”
My question fell before I could analyze the resentment it contained. I’d always assumed I’d accepted my place in society, especially since I’d had the good fortune of moving out of my poor home.
Apparently I wasn’t as content with my birthright or my improvement as I’d believed. Perhaps being in the king’s residence over the past two years of service had only highlighted the great differences between the way the nobility lived compared to the austere conditions of my childhood, the same deprivation my mother and siblings even now had to endure.
“I am asking,” Felicia replied after a moment. “Do you not think here and now we are nothing more than a man and a woman, that all of whom we ever were has been stripped from us, and that we shall nevermore be the same?”
“We’ll never be equal, my lady. You’ll always be a noblewoman and I a warrior. No matter how we may attempt to disguise the princesses, nothing will change their royalty.”
Felicia was silent so that the crunch of the wheels against the long grass and the plod of the horses’ hoofs rose to mingle with the ever-present night song of the crickets.
“Perhaps you are right,” she said. “But I should like to put aside our differences enough so you can tolerate my presence.”
“Tolerate?”
“You cannot deny I have irritated you from the moment I joined your rescue attempt. You would just as soon cast me over the side of the wagon than abide my presence.”
“Nay, that’s not true.” My pulse sped at my need to assure her of my regard for her, but I didn’t know how to go about such a task. I wasn’t trained to woo or win women. I’d never learned to interact with a common woman much less one of the most beautiful noblewomen in all the land.
“It is true,” her voice had turned low and raw. “You can hardly bear to look at me.”
I suddenly loathed the thought that I’d hurt her in any way. “In the fray of battle, you’re a distraction, my lady. That’s all.” My explanation sounded weak, even to my own ears. “What I mean is that I’m not accustomed to the presence of women. And I’m only attempting to stay focused on my mission rather than letting my attention shift where it should not.”
“I see.”
“You’re a woman of great valor and inner strength. And you’ve earned my admiration, not my disdain.” My confession embarrassed me, and I was glad for the cover of darkness that hid my face.
“You have earned my admiration as well.”
Her words and their sincerity settled over me. Though I knew friendship was forbidden, I felt the beginning of it anyway with this unlikely candidate.
Chapter
7
Felicia
We stopped thenext morning only long enough to relieve ourselves and the horses. Otherwise, Lance pushed us onward as fast as he could go without tiring the horses unnecessarily. By mid-afternoon, he allowed me to take the reins while he slept in the back for a couple of hours.
I didn’t want to admit I’d never driven a wagon before since I’d always had servants to do the job. But I caught on soon enough and realized that on this particularly straight stretch of road, the horses probably could have guided themselves, likely why he’d allowed me the reins.
I was thankful for the wide-brimmed straw hat sheltering me from the sun. I’d formed a blanket tent over the girls in the wagon bed and was grateful for Constance’s help soothing and feeding the babes.
Around us, the wheat, rye, and barley fields spread out endlessly. Occasionally I met another traveler or came upon a grouping of thatched peasant homes, but I passed quickly without stopping. At times as I drove, I felt as if we were the only ones in the whole world. I rather liked the idea and found I didn’t miss court in the least.
In the quiet, I reviewed my conversations with Lance of the previous night.
You’re a woman of great valor and inner strength. And you’ve earned my admiration, not my disdain.
