Page 45 of Besotted
I wanted to chorus my agreement. Of course, I hadn’t seen many men during my isolated life and couldn’t compare him with others. But he was of the caliber of man who rose far above the rest in every way.
“I love him, Aunt Idony.” I couldn’t keep the ardor from infusing my words. “I never thought I would fall in love, but I did.”
Aunt Idony picked up the pestle and twisted the blunt club absently in the mortar of half-minced herbs. “I already explained that your father has begun making arrangements. You are to be betrothed shortly after your return to Delsworth.”
“So soon? Why the rush?”
“The advisors believe Queen Margery will have a more difficult time challenging your right to Mercia’s throne if the people view you as mature and ready to lead.”
“Then I shall wed Kresten right away, once he comes back at the end of the month.”
“You cannot set aside their choice for you.”
“I assumed they were still deliberating, that nothing had yet been decided.”
Her voice softened. “Would it really make any difference if the arrangements are definitive or not?”
I knew what she was saying. Even if the details of my future husband had not yet been finalized, I couldn’t disregard the wisdom of the noblest men in the land and choose my own husband, especially one from amongst the lowest strata of society.
As Aunt Idony had indicated, the goal was to ensure that Queen Margery didn’t gain control of Mercia. Thus, the priority would be marrying me to a royal prince from a nation who could come to Mercia’s aid if Queen Margery ever decided to attack.
If I wed a pauper like Kresten, not only would we lose a strategic and important alliance, but I’d weaken Mercia and put the country at risk. By marrying a man of my own choosing, I’d also undermine the trust of my closest advisors, possibly even cause division amongst them.
Aunt Idony had taught me that a queen or king must work for the people and put the greater good of the nation above personal gain. I’d always agreed. And I still did...
“What shall I do?” My throat tightened with the need to cry. “I love him.”
Her shoulders deflated, and she rested the pestle. “He is a good man. And he made you come alive as I have never before seen.”
The tears welled up even faster now. It was true. My existence had been so limited and everything in my life so carefully controlled, until I’d met him. Perhaps this was one of the reasons—in addition to sheltering me from Queen Margery—why my aunts and Chester had wanted to keep me away from everyone and everything, for fear that something like this might happen.
“Oh my.” Aunt Elspeth rose from her loom, her face wreathed with worry. “I know exactly what my sweeting needs to cheer her. Boiled eggs and hot porridge.”
I couldn’t tell her I’d lost my appetite or that nothing could cheer me. As she bustled past me, she patted my head, and I forced a smile at the dear woman.
Aunt Idony’s face took on a haggard, aged appearance, as if the trials of this life were beginning to catch up to her. “Perhaps we should have allowed you more opportunities in recent years. If we had, maybe you wouldn’t have been drawn to the first handsome man who came your way.”
“Do you think me so shallow and naïve that I would cast aside good judgment and accept just any man?”
Aunt Idony shook her head, hanging it lower. “No, Your Majesty. As I said, he is a fine man. But as you have never before been around men and experienced love, ’tis only natural you would long for such things.”
Was she right? Had I fallen for Kresten simply because he was the first man to come along? Something told me I wouldn’t have had the same reaction to Jorg if he’d been the one I met instead. No, I hadn’t felt the slightest attraction to Jorg, just as I never had to Chester.
“My feelings for Kresten are real and true. I will never love anyone else the way I do him.”
“Perhaps not. But the truth is this: You were born to be queen. As such, you must put the love of your people and country above your personal desires.”
I’d never expected to have any personal desires that superseded my royal duties. Until now. Until Kresten.
Maybe if I loved the people and my country, I could more willingly sacrifice my future happiness with Kresten. But there was a part of me that lacked empathy and devotion for a people I didn’t know and a country I’d never seen, except for the occasions traveling to Huntwell Fortress.
I didn’t say as much to Aunt Idony. I knew what her response would be, that I couldn’t base decisions on feelings alone, that I must use sound reasoning, logic, and God’s wisdom instead. And that meant regardless of how I felt about Kresten, I had to do what was best for my country.
Aunt Elspeth returned to the table carrying a bowl filled to the brim with steaming porridge. She placed it in front of me along with a hard-boiled egg. The heat and the comforting scent of the porridge didn’t offer me the usual solace. Neither did her gentle squeeze of my arm.
I released the scarf and let it pool in my lap. I stirred the porridge and blew on it while Aunt Elspeth hovered nearby, waiting for me to eat.
“Once you have time to gain perspective,” Aunt Idony continued, “you will come to see the situation differently.”
