Page 34 of Beholden
The truth was, even if I managed to kill Grendel before he killed me, the queen would find a way to destroy me, just as she had my father. I had no future, especially not with Vilmar.
Nevertheless, the memory of our kiss had burned within me during the many hours of riding and now filled me with fresh yearning. I hadn’t meant to brush my lips to his, but the moment I had, I knew I cared about him much more than I should. The kiss opened up longings I’d been battling—the desire to be with him and have a future together.
Once again, I couldn’t keep from hesitating in my plans to avenge my father’s death. I didn’t have to fight back and try to end the queen’s evil custom. What if I ran away—away from Grendel, away from Warwick, and away from the queen’s cruelty? After all, why must so heavy a burden befall me?
The questions tumbled through my mind, increasing in speed like an avalanche. Before the momentum could find full force, I picked up my feet and walked to the door. “Let us be on our way.” I spoke the words with an authority I didn’t feel but with the weight of the burden refusing to release me.
I was the only one who could stop the queen. Therefore, I must see the task through to completion.
Clenching my jaw to keep from contradicting myself, I exited into the night. From this point onward, I must keep my feelings for Vilmar locked away. To allow them out would only jeopardize my ability to carry forth with the sacrifice I must make.
We reached the edge of Rockland by dawn. As the glow of the rising sun skimmed the land, I breathed in the sweet scent of the bellflowers, daisies, and buttercups that bloomed in a profusion of colors, welcoming me home.
Spreading out for a league, the fertile fields teemed with the new growth of barley and oats. The hay was tall and willowy and would soon be ready for haymaking by the peasants who worked the land. Herds of sheep grazed on the gently rolling hills that surrounded the fortress that had been my home for as long as I could remember.
Built on the highest knoll and against the backdrop of the Gemstone Mountains, Rockland Castle was majestic and worthy of royalty, which was one of the reasons the queen had given the estate to the duchess after my father’s death.
The many towers were crowned with conical spires made of red clay tiles. Atop the brown sandstone bricks that made up the thick walls of the fortress, the red resembled the rubies that had once been so plentiful in the mountains.
As much as I adored everything about Rockland and had many wonderful memories of my childhood there, my fondness had never been the same once the duchess arrived with her daughters. Even now, as I peered at the fortress, a heaviness settled upon my chest at the prospect of seeing them.
I set my shoulders and nudged my mount onward. As we drew nearer, the gate rose and a retinue of knights rode out and veered in our direction.
“The duchess has been anxiously awaiting your return,” the lead knight called to Sir Lucan. “She expected you yesterday, and with the delay, commanded us to ride out and discover what had become of you.”
Sir Lucan reined in his horse. “As you can see, we are here now.”
The commander of the retinue halted, his eyes widening as he took in how ragged and worn I had become during my months in the mine. He tore his gaze away and searched the rest of our party. “Where are Lady Haleigh’s servants?”
“They were too weary to travel at the pace required of us.” I spoke before Sir Lucan could relay the truth. I didn’t want the duchess to discover I’d given Benedict and Alice their freedom. I feared she would send soldiers to capture them and hold them as ransom to ensure I did everything according to her bidding.
“Very well.” The commander dug his spurs into his mount. “Then let us report to the duchess at once.”
We crossed the remaining distance to the castle, my muscles tightening with each step closer. As we rode through the portcullis and gatehouse into the outer bailey, guards and servants alike stopped in the midst of their morning chores to stare at me.
I hadn’t looked at myself in a mirror since the day I’d left for the mine, and now with the reaction of the people upon seeing me, I dreaded what I would encounter when I viewed my reflection. Had Vilmar only been flattering me when he told me my beauty weakened him? What if I was no longer the fairest in the land? What if no amount of bathing and grooming could transform me back into a beautiful woman? If not, I wouldn’t be chosen to face Grendel.
Upon entering the inner bailey and approaching the keep, I caught sight of a well-dressed man standing in the central doorway. For an instant, I mistook him for my father, and my heart gave a wild thud of anticipation. But as we drew to a halt, the man stepped out of the shadows. Lord Query, the duchess’s steward and advisor. With a narrow face and severe expression, he didn’t resemble my handsome father in any way.
Disappointment battered against my already sore heart. My father was gone and would never return. He was, in fact, buried in the yard behind the chapel, right next to my mother. And it was the queen’s fault. All she’d done was cause suffering to my family and to many more throughout the kingdom.
Sir Lucan assisted me from my mount and led me to the keep. All the while, Lord Query assessed me carefully. I had no doubt the duchess had already discussed my offer with him and that he had, in part, been responsible for recalling me from the mine, just as he had, in part, been responsible for my going there in the first place.
“Lady Gabriella.” He bowed low. “The duchess is eager to see you. But I’m afraid were she to look upon you in your current condition, she would send you directly back to the mine.”
Perhaps she would. At least Benedict and Alice would be free.
“She has fully forgiven Lady Gabriella.” Beside me, Sir Lucan placed a hand upon the hilt of his sword, clearly intending to fight for my freedom, although I feared he would fail as he had the last time and perhaps this time find himself languishing in the mine with me.
Lord Query waved a hand as though to dismiss me. “Of course she’s fully forgiven. I was only jesting.”
Sir Lucan didn’t remove his hold from his sword. Lord Query hadn’t been jesting, and we both knew it.
“I shall retire to my chambers,” I said to Lord Query. “And when I am presentable, I shall request an audience with the duchess.”
Irritation flashed in his eyes. Before he could remind me that I was no longer lady of the manor, I swept past him, my chin high and my steps certain. I would show both him and the duchess I wasn’t sacrificing myself because I feared them. This was my choice. I was doing it for my father, for all the maidens of Warwick who had lived in fear for too long, and for all the slaves who remained behind in the mine pits.
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