Page 95 of Ruthless King
BECAUSE OF ME
Stella
I take another sip from the warm mug and force myself to hold it together. Today is my last final exam. Once I’d had free rein of the internet at Rose’s and been able to check my email, I’d discovered I’d been accepted to the University of Florida.Woohoo! Once I pass this last test, I’ll be an official graduate, and I can escape to the sunshine state to build a new life. No more Dad. No more debts. And most importantly, no more Luca. My throat closes around his name.
How could I have been so stupid? Just call me fucking Lois Lane. I was so blind to what had been right in front of me the whole time.Dio, I’d adored Luca as a kid. He was my first crush. We’d spent practically every day together that summer before Vinny died. How could I have forgotten him?
According to Rose, psychologist extraordinaire, the memories were too painful, so I’d blocked them to protect myself. Sounded pretty insane to me, but it also explained so much. I’d felt an instant connection to that mobsterbastardo.I’d blamed it on lust because the man was unfairly gorgeous, but at least now I understood it was more.
Only a completepazzawould fall in love with her captor.
And that’s what I’d done. Tears fill my eyes, and I can barely keep them at bay.
I love you.Luca’s words echo in my mind, the confession tearing at my fragile insides. I’d never wanted to hear those three words more than from his lips. But not then. Not when he’d just admitted to all the lies.
Dad had always blamed Nonno for Vinny’s death. He’d thought his mafia dealings had led to the attack, and in a way he’d been right. Long buried memories flit to the surface. The dark alleyway, the pounding of my heart ….
“I want to work for Nonno too.” Vinny.
My brows knit as I regard my brother. Our entire lives our mom had drilled into our heads that Nonno was dangerous. “You can’t,” I squeal.
Luca. A much younger version whips his head back and forth. “Absolutely not. That would be the opposite of keeping you out of trouble.”
“But I want to be like you, Luca. I want to be strong and capable of protecting my little sister.”
Vinny’s words encircle my throat and tighten, strangling me. It wasn’t Luca’s fault Vinny died; it was mine. The only reason my brother started following Luca around was to protect me. He wanted to learn to fight, to be tough like him, so he could stand up to our abusive father.
Guilt crashes over me, threatening to pull me under. Vinny is dead because of me. That’s why I’d blocked everything out. It’s my fault. I choke on a sob as tears blur my vision.
The whine of squeaky hinges forces my gaze up. Rose saunters out of the bathroom in a plush pink robe. “You ready for your big test, girl?”
Blinking back the tears as she marches closer, I gulp down the rest of my coffee. “Yup.”
She cocks her head, eyeing me. “Are you okay, Stells?”
Lower lip quivering, I clench my jaw to keep from bawling like a baby. Rose has been the most incredible friend. She took me in without question when I showed up at her door, teary-eyed and blood-stained. After hysterically crying for hours, I’d told her everything.
“It’s my fault,” I mumble.
“What is?” She sinks into the chair at the tiny table for two and scoots it beside me.
“That Vinny died.” My throat closes around the last word, and my shoulders tremble.
Rose throws her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. “No way. It can’t be your fault.”
“He started hanging out with Luca to protect me. If it hadn’t been for me, he never would’ve been in that alley that night. He never would’ve been shot.”
“Stells, Vinny was your big brother. It’s his literal job to protect you. It’s not your fault. He loved you and that’s what we do for those we love. It’s like encoded in our genetic makeup. Trust me, I’m a future psychologist, remember?”
I appreciate her attempt to make me smile, but I can’t summon the energy. Instead, I bury my face in her chest and sob some more. A part of me realizes the truth in her words, but if there’s no one to blame then how does something like that happen? How could God take away my brother so soon after my mom? And on the same damned date! It just wasn’t fair.
Rose frames my puffy cheeks with her slender hands. “You think you can hold it together for a few more hours so you can pass your final exam? Then we can have a girl’s night and suck down bottles of wine and shovel heaping spoonsful of ice cream down our throats all night. What do you say?”
I force my head to nod. I’ve worked too hard to quit now. Just one little test and I’m free.
Rose helps me stand and with another tight squeeze, finally releases me. “Give me a second, and I’ll walk you to class?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine. You’re not even dressed yet.”
