Page 114 of Knot So Fast
"I won't be perfect. Most certainly things will be challenging with the public eye doing everything to find drama and turmoil. But I want to do it. This Omega thing. Being part of your pack."
The question that's been nagging at me slips out before I can stop it.
"Have I had my heat with you before? With the pack?"
"Yes." The simple answer carries weight, memories I can't access but that clearly affect him.
I frown, trying to imagine it, trying to pull something, anything, from the blank space where those memories should be. "What was it like? I can't recall how it's like at all."
His smirk is immediate and wicked. "You were very dominant."
"Get that grin off your face," I tell him, but there's no heat in it.
He chuckles, the sound rumbling through his chest where I'm pressed against him. "You literally had Kieran begging. The control freak of our pack, the one who plans everything down to the second, and you had him on his knees pleading for?—"
"Stop," I interrupt, my face heating with a blush that has nothing to do with the wine.
But he's not done teasing. He leans down, pressing his lips to my neck in a kiss that's barely there but sends shivers down my spine anyway.
"If you can trust us," he whispers against my skin, his voice turning earnest, "I'd want you to stop those meds. Or at least taper off them slowly."
I still at the suggestion, the implications of it rattling through me.
"You can trust us with your heat," he continues. "And I'd want you to ease into it sooner rather than drastically later. Things are going to get heated with the competition—no pun intended—and triggering your heat unexpectedly would be troublesome if it's before or after a race."
He's right, of course. The suppressants have been keeping everything level, controlled, manageable. But they've also been keeping me muted, dampened, less than what I could be. And if I'm going to be racing, if I'm going to be part of a pack, having my heat hit unexpectedly because my body finally overwhelms the medication... that would be a disaster.
"I can work it out with the doctor my family lets me see," I say. "I'm comfortable with it. With trusting you. All of you."
He pulls back slightly, studying my face, and I know what's coming before he says it.
"About Lucius..."
The name hangs between us like a challenge, like a test, like a complication neither of us wants but both of us have to acknowledge.
"I'm not going to control whether you still want to have a fling with him or not," he says, and I can hear how much that costs him. "But know he doesn't have the intention to commit to you or the pack."
I think about it, about the year of on-and-off with Lucius, about the passion and the fights and the way we can never quite let go of each other even when we should.
"Is he in the pack?" I ask, though I think I already know the answer.
"No." Lachlan's jaw tightens slightly. "We've always been in different packs. Not because I didn't invite him to be part of mine, but because Lucius doesn't seem to feel that sense of belonging. Or maybe he's simply searching for it without trying it out first."
He shrugs, but it's not casual. It's the shrug of someone who's tried everything and is running out of options.
"I thought maybe he'd realize once we had an Omega—that he'd understand what we could be together. But now that you're in the equation, he still wants to play around. Still wants to have you without having us."
"And you don't like that." It's not a question.
He shakes his head, his expression hardening. "We wait our whole lives to find an Omega that will complete us. The pack bonds, the dynamics, the balance—it all clicks into place with the right person. It's not fair to Kieran, Caspian, Dex to just allow Lucius to do whatever he wants and come back to the pack when it's convenient or when he's in trouble."
He pauses, turning to look at me fully, and the intensity in his gaze makes my breath catch.
"And it's not fair to you to believe you're not worth dropping the world for."
The words hit something deep in my chest, something that's been wounded and scarred and told to be smaller, safer, less. I smile, just a little, and lean up to kiss him lightly.
"I can't guarantee I won't be tempted from time to time," I admit, because honesty seems important here. "The chemistry with Lucius is... it's intense. Probably toxic. Definitely complicated. But I also want to respect your decision. So if Lucius doesn't want to commit, I guess that does make me off limits until he's ready to prove himself."
