Page 53 of Snowflakes Over Starr's Fall
Invariably, her mind moved to Jack. She wanted a fresh start there, too, not repeating her old unhealthy patterns of both dread and desperation. Not tying herself into knots trying to please him, or worrying about when, not if, he broke up with her the way Ryan did…
Fear fluttered through her chest at the thought. It was working, wasn’t it? What she and Jack had was different. Deeper, and stronger, and better. She didn’t need to convince herself of that.
As if she could read her thoughts, her mother suddenly asked, “What about the man you were with when you came up to the store? You two seemed close.”
“That was Jack,” Jenna told her as she took their mugs to the sink. “And yes, we are, but it’s early days. Very early days.”
And they were still seeing where it went, as Jack had suggested back at the beginning. Not a bad thing, but Jenna knew she still wanted some clarity. And maybe, she thought, thinking of her mother’s courage in coming here, she’d be brave enough to be the one to ask, rather than wait for Jack to call the shots.
21
In the two weeks before Christmas, Miller’s Mercantile was hopping. Jenna had unearthed her Christmas decorations and even bought a few new ones, draping the store in tinsel and Christmas lights and had carols playing in the background, the air spiced with the scent of holly and evergreen, courtesy of a very expensive candle Zach had gotten her as a re-opening present, in something of a joke.
“And it’s the only one I’ll stock,” she’d teased him, and he’d laughed.
“I can certainly believe that, sis.”
Jenna might not have gone the expensive-candle route as her brother had once suggested, but shehadcreated a whole section in the store for Christmas food and decorations, and it had proved to be a hit. She’d had to restock the gingerbread house kits and red and green sprinkles three times already, and the Christmas potpourri mix made by a local craftswoman was also a big seller.
Her mother had offered to help in the store, restocking and ringing up purchases, admiring all the new changes, and generally being more encouraging than Jenna could ever remember her being… which might be as much to do with her, she realized, as her mother. They’d both changed and grown.
In the store, her mother was unassuming and efficient, always ready to pitch in and surprisingly easy to chat to. Jenna couldn’t shake the feeling that her mother was desperate to make up for lost time, which made her feel guilty for fobbing her off for so many years. But her motto now was no regrets as she forged her future, and so she pushed such thoughts aside and focused on the positive—Miller’s Mercantile was doing well, she was enjoying her mother’s company, and while she hadn’t seen Jack as much in the last few days as she would have liked, things were going well there. Life, Jenna decided, was good.
Zach had taken their mother’s return to Starr’s Fall in his characteristically easy stride, assuming it was just a normal visit; neither Jenna nor her mother had informed him otherwise. It was up to her mom to decide when and if to do that, and so Jenna hadn’t told anyone the truth of her parents’ marriage, not even Jack.
He’d called her as promised the morning after her mother’s arrival, and they’d seen each other a few times since then—for dinner as well as some Christmas shopping in Litchfield, where Jack had half-laughingly dragged her into the dreaded deli, and Jenna had dutifully bought some asiago cheese and kalamata olives, two products she informed him pertly that she did not stock at the mercantile. It had all been fun and good, but she still hadn’t worked up the nerve to have That Talk… not that she even knew what That Talk was meant to encompass.
“We’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks,” she told Laurie when she’d dropped by the store for some soup for Henrietta and invariably asked about the status of their relationship. “It feels premature to demand some kind of commitment.”
“You don’t have to ask for a proposal,” Laurie replied with brisk practicality. “Just some clarification. Move from ‘let’s see where this goes’ to ‘how do you think this is going?’ A kind of relationship check-in. It’shealthy, Jenna, trust me.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” It made sense and sounded so very reasonable, and yet Jenna still dreaded the thought of confronting Jack in such a way. Forcing him to make a decision… about her. Yes, it had been an entire decade since she’d last had that kind of conversation, but it had been a doozy, and it had gone so horribly wrong. Who wanted to risk that kind of humiliation and heartache again, ever? Not her.
Besides, she knew she was afraid of rocking the boat when the journey so far had been so pleasant. She didn’t want to want more than Jack was willing to give, and she certainly didn’t want toaskhim for it. And while Jenna had told herself she was not going to settle for scraps the way both she and her mother once had, it wasn’t as if Jack wasneglectingher in any way. He was being pretty wonderful. So why couldn’t she trust it,him, and let their relationship unfold as it was meant to, however long that took? Why did something that should be so easy and instinctive feel so hard?
“I don’t think that’s asking too much,” Laurie continued, her tone turning strident, at least for her. “And anyway, I don’t believe it’s a big risk. I can tell Jack adores you, Jenna. Everyone can. He’d probably welcome the conversation. He’s probably hoping you’ll bring it up.”
Jenna forced a smile. Laurie was an eternal optimist, and she had a man who did adore her, quite openly. She understandably saw love blossoming everywhere. Her life in Starr’s Fall was practically a rom-com, complete with soundtrack.
“I’ll think about it,” she promised, and Laurie rolled her eyes.
“And we all know what that means.”
“I will,” Jenna protested. “But right now I’m just enjoying the moment, which is kind of new for me, so I want to do it while I can.”
“Well, that’s always a good thing to do.” Laurie leaned forward, her eyes starting to sparkle. “I’m meeting my mom and half-brothers at Christmas,” she confided, dropping her voice even though there was no one else in the store; it was almost closing time, and Jenna’s mother had gone into the house, having offered to make dinner, which was a nice change from her usual cup-of-soup in front of the computer.
“You are?” Jenna exclaimed. “Laurie, that’s amazing.”
Laurie nodded. “She finally told her husband, and he was totally okay with it. Which just goes to show,” she added, pointing a finger at Jenna, “that sometimes it’s worth taking the risk and being honest with someone, no matter how scary it seems.”
Jenna decided to ignore the rather pointed remark. “Laurie, I’m so happy for you,” she said. “So you’re spending Christmas with them?”
“The day after.” Laurie gave an abashed smile. “Joshua’s coming with me… They invited him, too. I’m really nervous.”
“They’ll love you,” Jenna insisted. “How could they not?”
“Well, let’s hope so.” Laurie’s smile wobbled slightly before it firmed. “And if they don’t, they don’t,” she said philosophically. “I have lots of people in my life who do. But what are you doing for Christmas?” she asked Jenna as she gathered up her cans of soup.
