Page 44 of Snowflakes Over Starr's Fall
She smiled, a flash of humor lighting her eyes, which filled him with relief. “Well, I’ve been compared to worse things, I’m sure.” She put the teapot down before folding her arms and leveling him with a look. “But where is this explanation going, Jack? You ran a cost-benefit analysis and what did you come up with? Or is the data not all in yet to make an informed decision?”
Once again, he heard the hurt in her voice, and he understood it. Relationshipsweren’tfinancial investments, to be decided with a spreadsheet; they were far more important than that. They werelifeinvestments, and yet at the end of the day… maybe his mom had been right. It was more elemental than anything he’d been deliberating.
Because Jenna put a sparkle inhiseye and a spring inhisstep. And if he did the same for her…
Suddenly it was simple.
And so, with Jenna staring at him with a mixture of hurt, hope, and exasperation, Jack closed the space between them, took her into his arms, and kissed her.
Which was, he reflected, maybe what he should have done when she’d first opened the door. Or better yet, several weeks ago.
But, he decided as Jenna’s arms came around him and he deepened the kiss, at least he was doing the right thing now.
18
As far as kisses went, it was pretty great. Totally great, in fact, and entirely welcome. Jenna’s whole body buzzed as her mind emptied out and she wrapped her arms around Jack’s neck, leaning into him and the kiss that wonderfully kept going on, his lips, warm and firm, moving over hers.
Okay, so she might have convinced herself that she was all right with disappointment, butthiswas amazing.
Then Jack broke it off, stepping back with a wry smile. “Sometimes analysis is overrated,” he said, and Jenna let out a little laugh.
“Sometimes it is,” she agreed, although part of her would have liked a little, or even a lot, more analysis. Like, had he just kissed her to shut her up or because he’d wanted to or was this actuallygoingsomewhere? Her once-crushed confidence was certainly doing better, but she still didn’t feel brave enough to ask. Sometimes it was better not to know, so you could enjoy the moment.
And she’d definitely been enjoying the moment.
Still smiling, Jack ran his hands through his hair. Jenna knew that gesture. Knew it meant he was thinking through a problem, trying to find a solution, and one wasn’t jumping out at him.
She took a step back. “So,” she said, apropos of nothing.
“So,” Jack replied, in the same tone.
Then they both simply stared at each other, until Jack finally broke the silence. “I’m not sure what to say,” he admitted, which was not the beginning Jenna had been hoping for. “I really like you.” Okay, that was better. “And I also really don’t want to mess you around. And I’m usually a guy who likes to have a plan, who follows it to the tiniest detail, who knows exactly how everything is going to play out.” He ran through his hairagain, clearly agitated. “But maybe relationships don’t work that way, and so instead of planning everything in advance, we can just see where—and how—this goes?” The upward lilt in his voice was the sound of uncertainty. Of doubt.
Jenna swallowed the acidic taste of disappointment, telling herself she was being ridiculously unreasonable. They’d only known each other for a few months. Of course he wasn’t about to declare his undying love or sweep in with a marriage proposal or something absurd like that. But the sheertepidityof his feelings still hurt. She’d spent three years trying to convince Ryan to love her. She didn’t want to go into another relationship where she felt she cared more than he did at the outset.
And the truth was, she already knew she cared about Jack. A lot. But he didn’t need to know that.
“That sounds… reasonable,” she finally said, knowing she needed to respond.
“If less than thrilling?” Jack filled in with a grimace, and Jenna let out a little laugh of acknowledgment. He’d read her thoughts so perfectly. “Sorry, I am a facts-and-figures type of guy,” he told her. “And it feels like there are a lot of variables here… I don’t know what my future will look like. Having a heart attack was a major setback, but whether it changes things forever…”
What, Jenna wondered, was that supposed to mean? Whatvariables?
“But…” he continued, his smile adorably crooked and endearing. “I really do like you.”
Okay, she could go with that. “I like you, too,” Jenna replied with an answering smile.
It was, she told herself as Jack pulled her close for another kiss, a good start. And just as before, she was going to let that be enough, even if she knew she already wanted more… and feared she might not get it.
* * *
As soon as Thanksgiving was over, it felt as if it was going to be Christmas in about two minutes. Jenna drove into town the next week, unable to keep from smiling because it had been averynice weekend, spent mostly with Jack. After he’d kissed her—again—they’d curled up on the sofa in her kitchen and drank tea like an old married couple,notthat she was thinking that way, of course. But it had been nice and something about it had felt simple and right in a way she knew she’d never felt with Ryan. And not that she was comparing them, either, but… it was kind of hard not to. She’d only had two serious relationships in her life, after all.
On Friday, she’d gone over to Jack’s, and they’d done a hike around Bantam Lake; she’d teased him about his hiking boots, which had looked far more broken in than before, and he’d held her hand. They were adults, but she’d felt like a giggly teenager… as well as an old married couple again later that evening, when they’d watched Netflix on Jack’s huge sofa, her legs in his lap. It was kind of a nice mix, Jenna reflected, and she was glad they weren’t rushing things. Spending time together, cuddling on a sofa, the occasional—or often—amazing kiss… it was all wonderful. And like Jack, she was willing to wait and see where it went… or so she was telling herself.
The truth, Jenna acknowledged ruefully, was that she was falling fast and hard and she knew it. She just pretended she didn’t.
As she drove into the town, she couldn’t help but notice that the world had definitely got the memo it was coming onto Christmas, and the sight of Starr’s Fall decked out in all its seasonal glory lifted her spirits. All along Main Street, brightly colored Christmas lights were strung along the holly wreath-bedecked lampposts, and Mike had already set up the thirty-foot-high Christmas tree on the village green, bushy and glorious, ready for its lighting on Friday. Midnight Fashion had color-coordinated Christmas outfits in the window—“perfect for your holiday party!”—and The Starr Light was strung with garishly festive red and green sparkly tinsel.
