Page 18 of Playing for Keeps in Starr's Fall
Maggie gave a small smile of acknowledgment back. Yes, gaming could be considered geeky, but it was what her sondid,and in that moment she was so thankful that Zach had bailed him out, and in such gracious style. The swell of gratitude and even affection she felt toward him was a little alarming. It could so easily morph into some other strong emotion. One she had no intention of feeling for Zach Miller or anyone else. Not yet, and maybe not ever.
“More wine?” Joshua asked her with a smile, and he refilled her glass before she could respond. Had she already drunk a whole glass? Maggie couldn’t even remember, but now that she considered it, her head did feel like it was spinning. She glanced at Zach, who, by some spidey sense, felt her gaze and turned his head to meet it, smiling lazily.
That man was so, so dangerous.
Maggie reached for her wine. She didn’t need her head to spin any more than it already was, heaven knew, but it was something to do, and she craved the fortification.
The conversation had moved on, to a dissection of Starr’s Fall’s Christmas festivities, and some Winter Wonderland event that had gone better than expected, thanks to the Christmas tree lighting they’d been able to have for the first time in several years.
Maggie focused on her wine. Part of her longed to be part of this community, feel included and welcomed in as she was or at least could be, if she just let herself, because these people were so nice, but another part of her was already determinedly inching away. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t bear to be part of something, anything, ever again. It hurt too much; it carried too much risk. And she didn’t know how to, anyway.
And you don’t deserve to be.
She wasn’t able to silence that dark little whisper in time. She replaced her wine glass on the table a little too hard, and then she rose in one abrupt movement that had everyone startling and turning toward her.
“Maggie…?” Laurie asked in concern, her forehead furrowed.
“Sorry,” Maggie blurted. She had no idea what excuse to make, but she knew she needed to get out of there, just for a few minutes. She needed a breather… from life. Did those even exist?
“Mom…?” Ben prompted questioningly. He looked both concerned and annoyed. “Are you okay?”
“Sorry…” she said again, her mind both blank and racing. “Umm…”
“Are you looking for the bathroom?” Zach asked in his easy way. “I can show you where it is.”
Mechanically, Maggie nodded. “Yes… the bathroom. Thanks.”
As the silence stretched on, so clearly uncomfortable, she followed Zach out of the kitchen and up a narrow set of stairs to the hallway above.
“Thanks…” she began, only to have him turn to face her, taking her by the elbow and drawing her close.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly. No flirtatious amusement now, no lazy smile. Just a genuine concern that Maggie knew she couldn’t handle.
“I…” She couldn’t think what to say. What tofeel. His hand was still on her elbow, and he was close enough that their shoulders were brushing, and she could breathe in the scent of his aftershave, all of it making her head spin in a way that had nothing to do with the wine. She closed her eyes, wanting to say she was fine, but somehow she couldn’t find it in her to summon the words.
“Maggie…” His voice was low, sure, andkind. Gorgeousandnice. A lethal combination. It was too much to take all at once.
“I know I must seem like I’m crazy,” she whispered, her eyes still closed because she couldn’t bear to look at him while she made this confession. “It’s just… Ben and I… we’ve had a hard time. Matt… my husband… dying was a large part of it, of course, but there have been other things…” She swallowed hard. She couldn’t go into all that now. She didn’t know Zach Miller well enough, even if right now she weirdly felt as if she did. “We’re trying to come out of it,” she told him, “and moving to Starr’s Fall was part of that. But it’s… complicated.” She finally opened her eyes, her heart doing a somersault at the almost tender look on his face, which was very close to hers. So close that if she moved just a couple of inches, she could practically kiss him. Not that she should be thinking of kissing him, or kissing at all, right now, orever…
But there was no doubt that this moment was morphing into something even more intimate than the confession she’d just given, and she already knew she couldn’t handle it.
Maggie tried to take a step back, but Zach was still holding her elbow, his fingers warm, his touch gentle yet sure… and very comforting as well as undeniably exciting.
“Yeah… I kind of guessed all that already, to be honest,” he told her as he smiled wryly. “I mean, the hard time and things being complicated. But are you okay rightnow? Tonight, here? How can I help you? What do you need?”
What did sheneed? Everything and nothing. Maggie swallowed hard. She’d have liked a hug, for starters, and maybe someone to tell her it was all going to be all right, in time. She’d love someone to reassure her that she was not messing up her son by pulling him out of school and moving to a place where he, already isolated and alone, knew no one. She’d have loved someone to hold her while she cried, not that she had any intention of doing that, but sometimes it all just felt so overwhelming. So hard. “What I really need,” she said, the words coming from deep within her, “is a friend for my son.”
Surprise flashed across Zach’s face, but he didn’t say anything, just nodded slowly. “I’m not asking for you to…” she tried to clarify, then stopped, because shehadbeen asking, which was both presumptuous and weird. Did she really want Zach to be best buds with Ben? How could she even ask him that? He was a grown man, and Ben was fourteen. It was both weird and ridiculous, and yet… “It’s just, you seem togethim,” she explained painfully. “The gaming thing. RainQuest. You don’t know how important that game is to him?—”
“Again, I kind of guessed that already,” Zach told her. He gave another smile, this one endearingly crooked. “Give me a little credit here, for at least a small amount of emotional intelligence.”
Maggie let out a shaky laugh. “I don’t even know what I’m asking,” she admitted. “I mean, if you played the game online with him, that would be great, but obviously I’m not asking… expecting… you to be best friends with my teenaged son. He’s just been lonely and…” She trailed off, grimacing as she shook her head. “Sorry. I’m a mess. Clearly.” This time she succeeded in pulling away from him, mainly because she really needed some space. She couldn’t think when he was so near and smelling so good.
“We’re all a mess,” Zach told her, and Maggie gave a huff of disbelieving laughter. Mr. Extra Spicy did not seem like a mess to her. He exuded laidback confidence, the kind that came from being supremely good-looking. Not that she knew what that felt like, but someone with Zach Miller’s genes justhadto have sailed through life.
Except, she had to admit, considering what she knew of him—never leaving Starr’s Fall, dropping out of college, playing RainQuest and battling his sister to manage their family store… he didn’t necessarilyseemlike he’d been sailing through life all that smoothly. Maybe no one was, no matter how they appeared from the outside.
“Right,” she said, dabbing at her eyes as discreetly as she could. “Sorry for falling apart, or almost. And thank you for being so kind.”
