Page 69 of The Midnight Hour
“Dad…” Sam begins, sounding alarmed.
“You already told me you wanted to stay,” I tell him, pressing my lips together to keep from crying. I can’t stand to see him looking like this, and I’m pretty sure, judging by everyone’s horrified faces, that my children feel the same,along with Kyle.
“Yes, but I need to tell everyone why I want to stay,” Daniel replies, his voice both steady and gentle. He knows I haven’t told them about his cancer, and they need to be told.
I swallow and nod, giving permission, even if I’m unable to put it into so many words.
“Dad…” This time it’s Mattie who protests, a wobble in her voice. “What…what’s going on?”
“I have a tumor in my stomach,” Daniel tells them without preamble. “Probably from radiation exposure, although who can say for sure? But it’s been growing and I’m feeling it and eventually it’s going to get me. I’m sorry, guys. I really am.”
For a few seconds, everyone simply stares. It’s like they can’t take in what he’s saying; it simply won’t compute. They won’t let it.
Then, finally, Sam says in a faint voice, “You mean…you have cancer?”
Daniel nods, as unflappable as ever. “Yes.”
“And…” This from Mattie. “It’s going to kill you?”
“Well, it’s not like I can get treatment around here.” Daniel tries to smile, but then his face collapses with sadness. “I wish it didn’t end this way,” he admits in a low voice. “I don’t want to leave you all. I don’t want you to beleft.”
“But…” Mattie gulps. “I thought you said the radiation wasn’t that bad.”
“I guess I was mistaken.” Daniel spreads his hands wide. “I don’t think it’s as bad now, at any rate, because it’s had to have dissipated so much. But back then—when I was getting Sam—I think it was bad then. Worse than anyone realized, at least for a while.”
“You knew,” Sam says suddenly. His voice is hard, and he almost sounds angry. “You knew, and that’s why you kept insisting I stay inside, and Granny too, for all that time.”
Daniel gives our son an appraising look. “I was trying to protect you, Sam.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have!” Sam shouts as tears start from his eyes. “You shouldn’t have! You don’t have to be such a damnedmartyrall the time.” Abruptly he pushes up from the sofa and storms out of the house, slamming the door behind him so hard it feels as if the whole cabin rattles.
For a few seconds we all simply sit there, silent. Then I rise and head to the door. “I’ll talk to him,” I say, and I go outside.
Sam is striding toward the lake, taking more or less the same route I did a few hours ago. I follow him at a distance, wishing I knew what to say or even how to say it, but I don’t. I feel empty inside, used up, and yet somehow I’ve got to be here for my son—say the right thing, make the whole situation if not better, then at least bearable.
“Sam.” I start with his name, keeping my voice gentle, as I come to stand a few yards behind him. He is facing the lake, his hands laced together on top of his head, elbows akimbo.
“I’m not in the mood for a pep talk, Mom,” he states wearily.
“I’m not in the mood to give one.”
“Good.” He drops his hands abruptly, so they smack down by his sides as he continues to stare out at the lake.
“I know this is hard,” I begin, wincing inwardly at how feeble I sound.You think?I imagine Mattie firing back at me, eyebrows raised, but Sam just sighs.
“Itishard. I’m just…I’m somadat him.” His voice breaks, and he bows his head as he takes a few shuddering breaths to control himself.
“Sam…” I step closer, reaching one hand out, although I don’t touch him. That is not what I’d expected him to say. “Help me understand. I get why you’re mad at me, but why…why at Dad?”
“Mom,” Sam tells me in that same weary voice as he scrubs at his eyes, “you do not understand anything. Sorry, but it’s true. You have gotten it all completely wrong from the beginning.”
I blink, absorbing this, trying not to let it sting. “So tell me what I got wrong,” I say finally, keeping my voice gentle.
Sam sighs. “You think I freaked out because you killed that guy on the road, right?”
“Well…”
He floors me with what he says next.
