Page 6 of The Girl with a Secret
“Well, I’m looking forward to ten days on this ship,” Sophie finally remarked in a bright voice. “Food and dancing and entertainment—I heard there is a cinema on board, and there is even going to be a costume ball on the second to last night.”
All the entertainments her father was looking forward to, as well. “Yes, I heard the same,” Rosa replied after a moment. She didn’t want to dim her new friend’s enthusiasm; why shouldn’t she look forward to such things, even if Rosa couldn’t care less about them? “It sounds like good fun,” she continued, injecting some much-needed cheer into her voice. “What are you goingto dress up as? My mother’s brought a Cleopatra costume, of all things, a wig included! She’ll probably look a complete fright.”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead,” Sophie admitted. “But it’s nice just to think of being able to do such things again,” she said, “not that I ever really did them before.”
“Yes, I know what you mean.”She’ddone them before, Rosa thought with a touch of bitterness. She’d laughed and danced and flirted and teased, but all those enticing things had only entrapped and humiliated her, in the end. She longed to be away from all that, every last smug smile, every knowing look, every subtle dig. And theguilt,oh, the guilt… Suddenly, Rosa flung her arms wide as she tilted her face to the night sky, breathed in the cool, sea-scented air. “We finally get a chance tolive!” she exclaimed, desperate to believe it. “Reallylive. I can’t wait.”
“What do you want to do in Havana?” Sophie asked, sounding uncertain. Rosa’s theatrics, worthy of her parents, had probably alarmed her. “Or America, if it comes to that?”
Rosa lowered her face as she dropped her arms, the memories of those parties in Berlin still chasing through her, souring every thought, every hope. “Anything,” she said in a low, throbbing voice. Anything, that was, other than what she’d been doing before… to her own shame.
Suddenly, she heard heavy footsteps coming from behind them. Rosa tensed and Sophie turned as a man sneered.
“Ah, two littleJewessesenjoying the night air. Better be careful you don’t fall over—or get a push.”
As he came closer, Rosa saw it was one of the crew members who had been singing at the nightclub earlier. She recognized his voice, too—he was the one who had called her father a jumped-up Jew. She’d been too timid to say anything then, but she told herself she wouldn’t be now. Feeling reckless and defiant, she remarked coolly, thankful her voice didn’t shake, “I’d say thesame of you. Your little piano concert wasn’t very popular this afternoon, as I recall, with the captain.”
The man’s face twisted with malevolence and inwardly Rosa trembled. It took all her willpower not to cringe and cower back. “Shut up, you dirty little Jew,” he told her in a growl. “Or you really will need to be careful.”
The man loomed over her, close enough she could feel his hot breath on her face. Rosa stayed completely still, her fists clenched at her sides, her heart beating like a hummingbird in her chest, fast and hard. Somehow, she summoned the strength to straighten, gazing at him haughtily as she replied, “Shall I tell Captain Schroeder about this little conversation? I’m sure he’d be interested to hear how his crew are treating the passengers, especially as First Officer Ostermeyer was so keen to make a good impression on us. The reputation of the Hapag Line is at stake, after all.” She kept the man’s gaze, biting her lip as the man raised one heavy fist as if he was about to strike her. It took all her willpower not to flinch under his scornful gaze.
An endless moment passed as they stared at each other, and then, slowly, the man lowered his fist. Rosa’s stomach churned and her head felt light, but she’d done it, hadn’t she? She’d faced someone down.Finally.
“I’ll be watching you,” he growled, and then he pushed past her, hitting her hard in the shoulder, so she staggered and had to clutch it; she suspected she’d have a bruise by tomorrow.
As his footsteps faded into the darkness, Sophie hurried to her side. “Are you all right?” she asked anxiously, as Rosa massaged her shoulder. “I can’t believe your courage!”
Hercourage? She had never felt more frightened in her life. Rosa started to smile, but then she felt her churning stomach rise up, and she darted over to the ship’s railing, where she humiliatingly emptied the contents of her stomach into the sea.
She hung there for a moment, half over the railing, her eyes closed as she recalled the look of naked hatred on the crewman’s face. Had she been brave, she wondered, or just incredibly foolish? What if that man did as he’d promised, and looked out for her? It would be easy enough for such a man to make her life a misery on this ship. She might not have been interested in the cruise liner’s entertainments, but Rosa knew she did not want this voyage to bedangerous. And really, she’d only stood up to that stupid man because she’d said nothing before—all themanytimes before. Pity her father hadn’t been watching.
Rosa straightened, taking out her handkerchief to wipe her mouth. Poor Sophie was looking anxious, indeed. “I refuse to be cowed by some toady little stool pigeon like that,” Rosa declared with more conviction than she actually felt. She’d certainlyfeltcowed. She managed a wry smile. “Even if the prospect of standing up to him was enough to make me lose my supper,” she added as she grimaced, glancing down at her dirty handkerchief. “I do apologize for such a display. I didn’t think I’d actually besick!”
“Never mind that,” Sophie told her. “I thought you were amazingly brave. I never could have spoken out the way you did.”
Rosa was still amazed that she’d actually done it. “If courage is feeling terrified and doing it anyway, then maybe,” she stated a bit shakily, as she folded her dirty handkerchief and slipped it into her pocket. “Although it might just have been sheer foolishness.” She was afraid it had been. “I’m just sotiredof people like that—thinking they’re better than I am, and for what?” Her voice wobbled a little as she continued, “An accident of birth? A J stamped in my passport?” She hadn’t realized just how many people she’d cared about had thought that way. Even Ernst.EspeciallyErnst. And the fact that she’d convinced herself he didn’t, he couldn’t, was so ludicrous as to be offensive,absurd. She shook her head, determined to forget Ernst as well as that odious member of the crew. “Anyway, never mind that lout. Captain Schroeder is on our side, at least, as far as I can tell.”
“Is he?” Sophie asked.
Rosa shrugged, not wanting to explain what she and her father had overheard. “Didn’t you see him shout down that photographer, back in the shed?”
“Yes, but…” Sophie’s forehead furrowed. “Why was he there in the first place, do you know?” she asked.
“To take photographs of Jews cringing and scraping and looking dirty and poor,” Rosa stated. She’d realized it as soon as the man had lowered his camera, refusing to take any snaps of her parents and their posing and preening. “That’s why he didn’t want to photograph my parents,” she explained, an edge entering her voice as she recalled how her father had puffed out his chest, her mother had angled her perfectly coiffed head. “They were far too glamorous for the Reich’s newsreels that show good Germans how Jews are little better than rats—a nasty, germ-ridden infestation they’d best get rid of.”
Her lips twisted in memory.Really, Herzelfeld, those of your unfortunate race are like a bunch of rats, scrabbling about—don’t you agree?Her father had managed a rather strangled laugh in reply, color surging into his face as the officer had tossed back his best schnapps.
“No, he didn’t want a photo of my parents, that much is certain,” Rosa stated flatly. “My father has made a career out of looking like the right sort of person.”
“And yet he couldn’t escape being Jewish, I suppose,” Sophie pointed out with a small smile.
“Well, he gave it a good try,” Rosa replied shortly. “But never mind that. I should get back, not that my parents will miss me. But why don’t we meet up in the morning, have a wander aroundthe ship? I want to have a good explore of everything.” And she’d like to get to know Sophie better. She seemed a friendly, uncomplicated sort of person; she certainly didn’t seem as if she were hiding the kinds of secrets Rosa was.
Sophie beamed in reply before giving a slight grimace of apology. “I’m afraid I’ll most likely have my little brother with me?—”
So, she really was as good as an unpaid nanny.
Rosa shrugged. “I don’t mind if you don’t.”
