Page 4 of The Girl with a Secret
“In a moment, Rosa,” her father replied with a flinty smile. “I wish to have a word with the captain first.”
Of course he did. Suppressing a sigh of frustration, Rosa stepped back toward the wall as several men slouched out of the nightclub. They were all crew of the ship, a rough sort of men whose expression of sulky discontent morphed to true malevolence when they caught sight of Rosa and her father.
“Juden raus,” a man with a pockmarked, pouchy face hissed, and Rosa felt a fleck of spittle on her cheek as he glared at her.
Jews, out. Well, they weregoing, weren’t they? They were leaving not just Germany, but all of Europe. What more did these stupid oafs want? She almost laughed at the thought, imagining if she had the courage to say it. She knew she didn’t, however. As the rest of the men filed past, she averted her eyes.
“Ah, Captain Schroeder.” Her father’s voice was rich and plummy as he stepped into the nightclub once the crewmen had gone. Rosa lingered in the hall outside, torn between joining her father and not wanting to be part of the conversation.
“Yes?” Captain Schroeder’s voice was polite but guarded.
“My name is Friedrich Herzelfeld,” her father continued. “I am a doctor from Berlin. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”
A slight, startled pause and Rosa closed her eyes, silently shaking her head.
“No,” the captain answered, “I’m afraid I have not, but, admittedly, I do not travel in medical circles, Herr Doktor.”
“No matter,” her father remarked jovially, “you look like a man in excellent health at any rate! I applaud your handling of those men just now. Clearly that sort of behavior cannot be allowed on this ship—in any circumstances.” He paused, as if waiting for the captain’s agreement, or perhaps even his admiration.
“Indeed not,” the captain replied. “I apologize for any distress it may have caused you, Herr Doktor.”
“Thank you,” Rosa’s father answered. “I trust such a thing will not happen again.” Although his tone was gracious, Rosa still winced. Lecturing the captain about the behavior of his own crew, on his own ship! It was unforgivable; could her father not see that?Feelit, even?
“Indeed, it will not,” the captain replied after another pause, this one seeming a shade cooler than the one before.
“Excellent.” Rosa heard the sound of her father rocking back on his heels, and imagined his satisfied expression, his hand tucked into the pocket of his waistcoat. “I trust we will see each other again. I hope to have the pleasure of dining at your table one evening.” Before the captain could reply to this, her father continued swiftly, “But I am sure you are a busy man, with much to attend to.Guten Abend, Captain.”
“Guten Abend,” the captain answered. He walked swiftly out of the room, throwing Rosa a startled glance, before he gave a brief nod and then strode down the corridor.
“A good man, I think,” her father remarked as he rejoined her. “Took a firm hand with those crew members. It’s important, you know, Rosa, to be a strong leader.”
As if her father knew anything about strength, Rosa thought, looking away. She felt too weary to be truly scornful of him; he seemed so completely oblivious of his own arrogance.
“We should go back to the cabin,” she said instead as she started back. “Mother might wake up soon, and we need to dress for dinner.”
“Ah, Rosa, ever so practical.” Her father fell into step beside her, dropping a jocular arm around her shoulders for a quick, fatherly squeeze. “I think it’s going to be a pleasant voyage, don’t you?”
Rosa could only shake her head. She didn’t particularly care if it was a pleasant voyage or not. She just wanted to escape Germany… even if she knew her memories would follow her all the way across the Atlantic.
CHAPTER 3
MAY 13, 1939
Dinner had been, for Rosa, predictably interminable. They’d been seated at a table of eight, with two middle-aged couples and an elderly gentleman whose chin had drooped toward his chest, his eyelids fluttering, for most of the meal. Her father had dominated the entire table’s conversation with his many booming pronouncements and sweeping statements, and her mother had been in a dazed stupor from the effect of the Luminal, gazing around blearily as she’d sipped her champagne.
Rosa had practically bolted all five courses of her meal, wanting only to get away from them both. She’d looked around for the young blond woman she’d seen earlier in the shed in the line for first-class passengers, thinking perhaps she could make a friend, but the woman was nowhere to be seen in the first-class dining room. Perhaps she and her family had eaten privately.
Up on deck after the meal, Rosa stood by herself at the railing as theSt Louisfinally freed itself from its ropes, its gangplanks removed. The deck was crowded with passengers, yet they were all curiously silent, as if they were witnessing a ceremony, too sacred for words. Or perhaps they were all just afraid to trust in this moment, in the reality that nearly a thousand Jews had actually been allowed to leave Germany.
Even Rosa found herself holding her breath, wondering if somehow it was all going to go wrong. She could picture it perfectly—the enormous ship suddenly stilling right there in the water, the slack ropes becoming taut once more as the ship slowly turned back to harbor. She could picture the sneering faces of the crew members who had crowded around the piano, exulting in the refugees’ misfortune.
Did you really think we were going to let you go? How stupid can you be?
“The space between the ship and land,” someone called, as if in amazement. “It’s growing!”
Someone else tittered at the obvious statement, yet Rosa understood the incredulous wonder behind it. They were actuallyleaving. LeavingGermany. Even as she watched, the harborside was receding. Germany, and all it represented, was inexorably becoming part of the past.
Rosa turned abruptly from the sight; she found suddenly she didn’t want to watch the Hamburg harborside slowly becoming a speck. She wanted to leave it all behind, immediately and abruptly, forever. If only she could banish the memories that still lingered and taunted her, in the disquiet of her own mind, when she allowed them to…
